DOI issue:
June 4, 1887
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17657#0276
June 4, 1887.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
267
That are circled around this city of sin,
And fasten the poor little children in!
How little they share, as the world goes round,
In the green of the grass of our garden ground!
The London birds as they upward fly,
Have a larger portion of God's blue sky!
Ah! men so tender, and women so true,
These pitiful faces pierce you through!
Like spectre-forms from the grave they rise,
And tempt the tears from the calmest eyes!
When sunshine softens our winter's moan,
"We are off and away!—but the Child alone,
Alone in the alley, alone in the court,
With their dismal day, and their sunless sport.
The music maddens them—off they steal—
The procession is passing! so down they kneel,
At the feet of the crowd, where they cringe and creep,
And dream of a Queen in their feverish sleep,
At Charity's call give an answering cheer,
'•No Child shall forget the Queen's Jubilee Year ! "
Go tell it abroad! let them all understand,
This message of love from the heart of the land,
L»;t it soothe the sad pillow with vision of song,
That the sick Child in Hospital soon may be strong !
Let it echo in cheers, as they rush down the stair, _
From the school where they toil, to thelightof the air;
Let them dream it at night, and shout it at play,
That the Park of the People is theirs for a day !
Then Fashion will yield, that the children may pass,
To feast on the green, and to romp on the grass,
The earth will spring gladly to tramp of young feet,
When the revels of old, all our youngsters repeat!
May the day be the brightest that ever was seen!
When the cheer of our children is raised for their
Queen !
" First-bate Receipts."—Such an announcement" is
always satisfactory to the receiver. Everybody can
Participate in such receipts by laying out one shilling
on a little book by " Cordon-Bleu," called Economical
French Cookery for Ladies. There's no speculation
about it. It's a certainty. The Authoress "we fait
Pas une bonne farce" with her readers, though she does
with some of her dishes. "Plates" and "Cuts" will
oe supplied by the readers. The book is treated with as
hght a touch as a Cook should employ in making good
Pastry, and will be substantially useful to the House-
hold Brigade generally.
SNOB-SNUBBING.
The Vicar's Wife. "And so you find our Suburb a pleasant change
after London, Mr. Snoqgins !"
Snoggins. "Ya-as—pretty little place—a—can't say I cake vert much
for Suburban Society, you know !"
The Vicar's Wife. " Ah—you find them a little Ricib Am Mignrr, I
suppose !" [Disgicst of Snoggins, who thinks himself no end of a Swell!
MB. PUNCH'S OWN TIPSTER BIGHT AGAIN!
Always Right. What did I say last week about Merry Hampton
and Rece a" Or f I refer you to Facts. I said of Merry Hampton
is Merry Hampton caught ?" And how clear was my decision
about lieve a" Or. I quaffed a pint of porter to Freedom, and it was
the third horse I named for the Oaks. Send in your fivers, pay the
Per-centage on your winnings! Put in your sovs. and the oracle will
Work! No French pennies taken for the Grand Prix! Look out for
Ascot tip, and don't forget your own " Tout" d vous. Lahgesse.
SOMETHING LIKE BYE-LAWS!
p It is said—with what truth remains to be seen—that the Thames
^onservators, not content with their absurd Bye-Laws in respect to
-•ioise-Boats and Steam-Launches, have under their serious consider-
ation the desirability of strictly enforcing the following equally
Sensible and equally necessary regulations: —
Bye-Law No. 1437. From and after the 1st day of April next,
•j0 Swans shall be allowed to swim in the River Thames unless
Properly attired, and no Bathing shall be allowed under any circum-
Sances whatever, unless the person bathing be clothed by Mr.
^cintosh from head to foot.
„ %e-Law No. 1438. No Coal-Barge shall he allowed to navigate
°6 Thames above Teddington Lock, unless supplied with a properly
uthenticated certificate that the said Barge has been thoroughly
j~?wised with soap and water before entering the River. Any coals
tt.^ye-Law No. 1439. No field or meadow within a quarter of a
r*jje from the river, as the King-fisher flies, shall ever be manured,
r^ess a guarantee be given that no rain shall be allowed to fall on
field or meadow within a lunar month of its being so manured.
Any infraction of this Bye-Law to be punished with six months' hard
labour on somebody else's land, and a fine of £10 per acre to the
nearest Cricket Club.
Bye-Law No. 1440. That no Fish of any description, except
minnows under age, shall be allowed, under any pretenoe whatever,
to be in the River Thames during the close season.
Bye-Law No. 1441. No one shall be allowed under any circum-
stances to wash his hands or face in the River, except when passing
over a Weir. The Lock-keepers are ordered to see this regulation
strictly carried out. Whenever Cattle are permitted to drink of the
River, a Notice-Board must be placed, bearing the following device
in white letters on a black ground, and not less than four inches by
three in diameter:—" One Minute for'Refreshment."
Bye-Law No. 1442. All oars, sculls, and poles intended to be
used in the River to be carefully washed with soap and warm water
before being allowed to be so used. No sculls to be of more than the
ordinary thickness, or they will be treated as being infractions of the
patent rights of certain influential persons.
Bye-Law Ho. 1443. No Water Rats are allowed to enter the
River between sunset and sunrise, unless in the enjoyment of robust
health, and under no circumstances whatsoever are Eels sufficiently
small to enter the pipes of the Water Companies to be permitted to
remain in the River more than one calendar week.
* * * * • #
The Conservators having given their whole minds to the calm
consideration of these important Bye-Laws, can scarcely consider it
possible that they can ever require alteration or amendment • but
should that be the case, such proposed alterations or amendments will
have to be submitted first to the Board of Inland Revenue, then to
the Court of Chancery, and finally to the Queen in Council, which
will not occupy more than about two years, or cost more than a few
thousand pounds, so the remedy will be as simple as it is inexpensive.
N.B.—It is proposed, alter every heavy Bhower during the ap-
proaching season, to pour a pipe of Rose-water and a butt of Eau de
Cologne into the River, at Silly Bridge, to assist in its purification.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
267
That are circled around this city of sin,
And fasten the poor little children in!
How little they share, as the world goes round,
In the green of the grass of our garden ground!
The London birds as they upward fly,
Have a larger portion of God's blue sky!
Ah! men so tender, and women so true,
These pitiful faces pierce you through!
Like spectre-forms from the grave they rise,
And tempt the tears from the calmest eyes!
When sunshine softens our winter's moan,
"We are off and away!—but the Child alone,
Alone in the alley, alone in the court,
With their dismal day, and their sunless sport.
The music maddens them—off they steal—
The procession is passing! so down they kneel,
At the feet of the crowd, where they cringe and creep,
And dream of a Queen in their feverish sleep,
At Charity's call give an answering cheer,
'•No Child shall forget the Queen's Jubilee Year ! "
Go tell it abroad! let them all understand,
This message of love from the heart of the land,
L»;t it soothe the sad pillow with vision of song,
That the sick Child in Hospital soon may be strong !
Let it echo in cheers, as they rush down the stair, _
From the school where they toil, to thelightof the air;
Let them dream it at night, and shout it at play,
That the Park of the People is theirs for a day !
Then Fashion will yield, that the children may pass,
To feast on the green, and to romp on the grass,
The earth will spring gladly to tramp of young feet,
When the revels of old, all our youngsters repeat!
May the day be the brightest that ever was seen!
When the cheer of our children is raised for their
Queen !
" First-bate Receipts."—Such an announcement" is
always satisfactory to the receiver. Everybody can
Participate in such receipts by laying out one shilling
on a little book by " Cordon-Bleu," called Economical
French Cookery for Ladies. There's no speculation
about it. It's a certainty. The Authoress "we fait
Pas une bonne farce" with her readers, though she does
with some of her dishes. "Plates" and "Cuts" will
oe supplied by the readers. The book is treated with as
hght a touch as a Cook should employ in making good
Pastry, and will be substantially useful to the House-
hold Brigade generally.
SNOB-SNUBBING.
The Vicar's Wife. "And so you find our Suburb a pleasant change
after London, Mr. Snoqgins !"
Snoggins. "Ya-as—pretty little place—a—can't say I cake vert much
for Suburban Society, you know !"
The Vicar's Wife. " Ah—you find them a little Ricib Am Mignrr, I
suppose !" [Disgicst of Snoggins, who thinks himself no end of a Swell!
MB. PUNCH'S OWN TIPSTER BIGHT AGAIN!
Always Right. What did I say last week about Merry Hampton
and Rece a" Or f I refer you to Facts. I said of Merry Hampton
is Merry Hampton caught ?" And how clear was my decision
about lieve a" Or. I quaffed a pint of porter to Freedom, and it was
the third horse I named for the Oaks. Send in your fivers, pay the
Per-centage on your winnings! Put in your sovs. and the oracle will
Work! No French pennies taken for the Grand Prix! Look out for
Ascot tip, and don't forget your own " Tout" d vous. Lahgesse.
SOMETHING LIKE BYE-LAWS!
p It is said—with what truth remains to be seen—that the Thames
^onservators, not content with their absurd Bye-Laws in respect to
-•ioise-Boats and Steam-Launches, have under their serious consider-
ation the desirability of strictly enforcing the following equally
Sensible and equally necessary regulations: —
Bye-Law No. 1437. From and after the 1st day of April next,
•j0 Swans shall be allowed to swim in the River Thames unless
Properly attired, and no Bathing shall be allowed under any circum-
Sances whatever, unless the person bathing be clothed by Mr.
^cintosh from head to foot.
„ %e-Law No. 1438. No Coal-Barge shall he allowed to navigate
°6 Thames above Teddington Lock, unless supplied with a properly
uthenticated certificate that the said Barge has been thoroughly
j~?wised with soap and water before entering the River. Any coals
tt.^ye-Law No. 1439. No field or meadow within a quarter of a
r*jje from the river, as the King-fisher flies, shall ever be manured,
r^ess a guarantee be given that no rain shall be allowed to fall on
field or meadow within a lunar month of its being so manured.
Any infraction of this Bye-Law to be punished with six months' hard
labour on somebody else's land, and a fine of £10 per acre to the
nearest Cricket Club.
Bye-Law No. 1440. That no Fish of any description, except
minnows under age, shall be allowed, under any pretenoe whatever,
to be in the River Thames during the close season.
Bye-Law No. 1441. No one shall be allowed under any circum-
stances to wash his hands or face in the River, except when passing
over a Weir. The Lock-keepers are ordered to see this regulation
strictly carried out. Whenever Cattle are permitted to drink of the
River, a Notice-Board must be placed, bearing the following device
in white letters on a black ground, and not less than four inches by
three in diameter:—" One Minute for'Refreshment."
Bye-Law No. 1442. All oars, sculls, and poles intended to be
used in the River to be carefully washed with soap and warm water
before being allowed to be so used. No sculls to be of more than the
ordinary thickness, or they will be treated as being infractions of the
patent rights of certain influential persons.
Bye-Law Ho. 1443. No Water Rats are allowed to enter the
River between sunset and sunrise, unless in the enjoyment of robust
health, and under no circumstances whatsoever are Eels sufficiently
small to enter the pipes of the Water Companies to be permitted to
remain in the River more than one calendar week.
* * * * • #
The Conservators having given their whole minds to the calm
consideration of these important Bye-Laws, can scarcely consider it
possible that they can ever require alteration or amendment • but
should that be the case, such proposed alterations or amendments will
have to be submitted first to the Board of Inland Revenue, then to
the Court of Chancery, and finally to the Queen in Council, which
will not occupy more than about two years, or cost more than a few
thousand pounds, so the remedy will be as simple as it is inexpensive.
N.B.—It is proposed, alter every heavy Bhower during the ap-
proaching season, to pour a pipe of Rose-water and a butt of Eau de
Cologne into the River, at Silly Bridge, to assist in its purification.