Punch (95.1888)

PUNCH, OR

THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

15

pug-faced young man in the cutaway garment, who eyes

A-e B-e so equivocally, is his old friend and leader,

Lord C——i; opposite to them stands, hy the side of

LordH-n, a man as stately even as he, A-eB-b's

uncle, Lord >S-t, of H-d, Premier of England.

But who is that plausible and apologetic-looking personage

playing at howls with S-e, yonder ? A pretty

patrician stamp of man ; yet the whole figure and atti-
tude of him wanting in determination, self-possession,
energy ; and when he speaks a multitude of words with
scant meaning of a satisfactory sort, all eyes look doubt-
fully upon him—for his name is Lord Gr-e H-jr.

But he plays the game as one that loveth it, hugging
the bowl caressingly, as a miser his money-bag, and
eyeing the "jack" as keenly as an angler eyeth his
bobbing float when a big fish is nibbling thereat, and
the creel is empty, and supper-time draweth nigh, and
the inner man speaketh sharply forth in favour of grill
and goblet. Verily, 'tis a little game, this British Bowls,
that a man loveth not so much in proportion to his
patriotism as to—well, other considerations that need
scarce be set down in detail here. Skill thereat, like
unto success on the Stock Exchange or in the juggling
diplomacies of parchment and protocol, argueth little for
a man's merit as citizen, state-servant, or patriot.

"A murrain on it! " muttereth one standing by, a small
but sturdy and striking-looking personage, with ultra-
aquiline beak, and back adorned with a sort of decorative
jib-boom, '' Here be fellows calling themselves Supervisors
of Her Majesty's Services, yet are they playing, as it
were, ducks and drakes in the day of danger. A petty
game, and an unpatriotic. Blurt for them, sneak-ups!
say I. I share old Admiral Hawkins's scorn of croakers.
As the outspoken Admiral hath it, ' These same beggarly
eroakers be only fit to be turned into yellow-hammers up
to Dartymoor, and sit on a tor all day, and cry, "Very
little bit of bread, and no chee-e-se! " ' Many alarmist
scribes and factious ex-officials there be whom I should
rejoice to see served incontinently in such sort. The
yowling yellow-hammers only so cry what time they are
out in the cold. Snug-nested, and safely perched, they
Pipe rose-water optimism of a shallow sort every whit as
Pernicious, in its own foolish way, as the frog-like
cacophony of the croakers. I'figs, were I Admiral of
the Fleet, with such marsh-murmurers and parrot-
Prattlers on board, I'd hang the whole herd of them as
nigh as Hamas', if they didn't clap tompions in their
muzzles pretty fast. Marry, sneak-up, say I again.
But for this same game pitiful with British bullion for
bowls, and British honour for stake, I hold that no true
man- But who eometh here now ?"

u Captain C-e B--d, as I'm a sinner."

Is the fellow mazed or drunk, then ? or has he seen
a ghost? Looktomun!"

1 think so, trulv," said H-n. " His eyes are

near out of his head.''

J-he man was a rough, rollicking, beardless young sea-
Gog, who had just burst in from the tavern through the
w hatch, upsetting a drawer with all his glasses, and
^^e^e panting and blowing up to the First Lord of

1^^°^! ™y Lord! They 're coming ! I saw them

" wi™ri last right."
\\ ho ? my good Sir, who seem to have left all your
manners behind you."

f Armada, your Lordship,—the enemy ! But as

„ my manners, 'tis no fault of mine, for, as manners
behfnd1™1'^ Party Popinjay8' 1 nover had none to leave

blandly3* ^ drink' mim P " said the first °owl-player,

tirl'eIf^SlLTd H-N- rirst LordI1-this is no

the „1bowls>—whether for toping or throwing ! " cried
the eagle-beaked bystander aforementioned.

nW n£I •en> mY Puschius ? Come S-E, we '11

t3™ ~ nj°e llttle Same out before we move. It will be
,m°nths before we can be fit to tackle them,
so an odd half-hour can't matter."

M|J'rmlc°mmand the help of your counsel, First Lord,"

said Lord _Chaei.es, turning to H-s.

m „An,d lt> this, my good Lord," said H-ar, looking

+1? m amed his bowl, " How slow soever they come,

so fV °0me far to° fast for us to be au^nt like ready;
i= i u 0 ,man vainly hurry himself. And, as example
b oetter than precept, here goes ! "

THRIFT.

Highlander (he had struck his fool against a " stane"). " Phew-ts !—e-eh what a

dinq ma rUIR BulT wad a getten if a'd had it on ! ! "

NAVAL INTELLIGENCE;
Or, What may bp. Expected up to Date.

Hek Majesty's ironclad, Staggerer, having yesterday taken her crew on
board with a view to joining in the forthcoming Naval Demonstration, but
being still unprovided with her guns, it was determined, before she started,
to test her capabilities of offence as a war-ship by a little preliminary
"ramming" practice. The harbour being crowded at the time, afforded a
favourable opportunity for essaying the test in question. _ The operation, which
appeared to create some surprise among the local shipping was in every way
successful, a passenger steamer, several yachts, three or toiir colliers, and a
steam-dredger being in turn all sent to the bottom in a remarkably short space
of time by the Staggerer accomplishing its task with perfect facility, as it
made several vigorous and unexpected runs up and clown the wreck-strewn
water. It is rumoured that the incident will probably form the basis of an
official inquiry. .-■

A rather serious accident is reported as having occurred'yesterday afternoon
on board Her Majesty's belted cruiser Perambulator. It appears that the
Purser's Mate having dropped a three-penny bit in the magazine, incautiously
entered it with a lighted candle, and letting a spark fall on the fifteen tons of
powder stored there, ignited the whole, with the result of blowing out the ship's
bottom, and otherwise seriously disabling her. It is said that the occurrence
will, in all probability, form the subject-matter of an official inquiry.

Last evening, the turret-shipBoot-jack, while slipping her cables for the
night, suddenly headed on towards the ironclad Magog, and as she was bearing
down on her, the order to \ go ahead at full speed" having by some unaccount-
able mischance been given instead ot that to go astern," an inevitable collision
was the result. The Magog had an entire watertight compartment stove in,
while the whole of the bows ot the Boot-jack were carried clean away, and
both of the vessels were towed inshore m a sinking condition by the rest of the
Fleet. It is reported that the untoward contretemps will very likely afford
material for an official inquiry.

Last night there was again the usual collision in the dark among 'the torpedo
boats, and three more went to the bottom. It is rumoured that the affair will
shortly become the subject-matter of an official inquiry.