Punch (95.1888)

July 28, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 45

AN IMPORTANT PERSONAGE.

One day last week, according to a report in the Times, "Lord
Erne ivas appointed Imperial Grand Master of the World." For
■what reason has Lord Er>te received this appalling dignity, which to
describe in appropriate terms would require the genius of a Melton
or a Dante ? It was conferred upon Lord Erne at Camckfergus,
County Antrim, at an Orange Lodge. So the world, being round as
an orange, is to be one huge Orange Lodge, of which Lord Erne is
henceforward " Imperial Grand Master," like Mefistofele in Borro's
opera.

By the way, what sort of an Erne is this " Imperial Grand " ? Is
he a Tea-Erne or a Funeral Erne ? How has he Erne'd this dignity ?
Is he, 'Arry would like to know, any relation to 'Erne the 'Unter?
And, in fact, on behalf of the vast majority of the World, of which
Ms Lordship has been appointed Grand Master, we ask, Who is
Lord Erne ?

ADELPHI NAVAL AND MILITAEY MANGEUYEES.

Mr. Grundy is fortunate in being associated with Mr. Pettitt—
the pettitt child of melodramatic fortune—in the '' new and original"
Drama (so new, and so original!) at the Adelphi, entitled The
Union Jack.

Except that the male dramatis personal are soldiers and sailors,
and that out of eleven scenes, two are at Aldershot, and one on
board a vessel bearing the happy combination-title " H.M.S. Wel-
lesley," there is nothing extraordinarily nautical or military about
the play. That the plot justifies its authors' description of their work
as new and original" is soon made evident by the incident of the
petty officer, Jack Medway, [What a capital name for a sailor! so
appropriate, you know ' None of your common hackneyed "Bill
Barnacle," or " Tom Tug," or "Jack Mainbrace"—oh, dear, no!]
striking his superior officer and being court-martialled ; and then the
newness and originality of the story are further shown by the presence
of a Wicked Baronet who is also "an Army Contractor" [Happy
touch this, brings "Wicked Bart." up to date], and by there being
a good deal of hiding behind doors and curtains, and plenty of over-
hearing and seeing what wasn't intended to be overheard or seen,
and everything happening just at the right moment, too, so as to clear
the innocent and confound the guilty; and having so far proved the
newness and originality of the plot to the entire satisfaction of the
audience, will it be believed that the Wicked Bart, has actually com-
mitted a forgery, and that the second villain holds this in terrorem
over his head, until first villain, unable to stand it any longer, stabs
second villain, and then tries his best to get poor petty officer Terriss
found guilty of the crime ? And then, so fresh and full of novel sur-
prises is this play, would anyone who has ever seen a melodrama
imagine that the unfortunate heroine is drugged by villains, escapes

Nautical Situation. Terriss the Tar, the Swell of the Ocean, escapes
with the Heroine in the Captain's Gig.

of

_ it

lsn t now, it was—once upon a time. Such is The Union Jack. For
a hero of this sort of melodrama, the Messrs. Gatti are fortunate in
possessing a

Bara avis in Terriss."
But if his authors continue writing for him long speeches to be deli-
vered on every possible occasion, opportunely or inopportunely, full
of claptrap and theatrical sentiment as "new an' o Iginal" "as the

play itself, this sturdy melodramatic actor will soon run Mr. Wilson
Barrett very hard indeed, though the latter, at present, as far as
preachifying goes, can give Mr. Terriss half-a-dozen lengths and beat
him easily. The truth is, that this melodramatic stereotyped hero
has become rather a bore, and I shall not be surprised if the honest
patrons of Adelphi drama do not resent the next attempt, if it be
unwisely repeated, at entertaining them with this school-boyish kind
of play.

Mr. Charles Cartwright, as the scoundrelly Captain Morton,
was thoroughly artistic. I doubt if even that unexceptionable stage-
villain, Mr. Willard, could have played it better. And this is the
highest praise. The ladies were all good;
especially Miss Olga Nethersole, in the one
genuinely pathetic situation of the play.
Miss Olga is not the " leading lady," but the
misled lady, and at the end of the play when
everybody is happy, no one cares twopence
what becomes of her. "Poor little Me!"
She is quite out of it. Miss Clara Jecks is
just the very Polly Pippin required by the
new and original " Adelphoi" Pettitt and
Grundy Bros. ; and Miss Eleanor Button,
as Mrs. Stone, one of the Wicked Bart.'s
"creatures," suggests by her sardonic smile
possibilities of such sensational crimes as
might make over again the fortune of Miss
Braddon, and inspire Mr. Earjeon with a
plot as cheerful as that of Uncle Silas.

Of course, however successful the play may
be, it can never " go without a hitch " as long
as there is a nautical character in it like Mr. Mr. Shine as British
Shine in a sailor's costume. There is, how- Sailor, with Eobert
ever, one new and original mysterv about Macaire's old creaking
the play, and that is—Why is it called " The snuff - box. Nautical
Union Jack?" The Union Jack is occa- effect: Little Cove and
sionally alluded to in the dialogue, but the only bls Creek,
time it is visible is when the comic sailor sticks up a small toy-flag
over the window of the old toll-house on the highroad, and wittily
remarks that the cottage thus decorated looks like a ship. Of course
the play is successful; of course it will "run"; but if no nautical
piece can, as I have proved, " go without a hitch," certainly a play
called The Union Jack must be of "flagging " interest.

Jack in the Box.

THE MEETING OF THE EMPERORS.

{Song of a Sensational Special.)
Ant—" The Meeting of the Waters."

There is not, for the quidnunc, a city so sweet

As St. Petersburg now while the Emperors meet.

One may wander o'er Europe anear and afar,

Yet not'find such a chance for a staggering "par."

It is not that the Kaiser will give me a "tip,"

Or the Czar in my ear a state-secret let slip ;

That either will whisper his wish or his will,—

Oh! no, there is something more promising still.

As an oracle now for some days I may shine,

A Blowitz—though but at a penny a line.

I have only some awful war-rumour to start,

To shock—somebody's—nerves, or chill—somebody's—heart!

Sweet stream of the Neva, beloved of the Russ,

What canards I' 11 let flv from your shores, with what fuss !

What odds if they' re fudge ? I shall feather my nest,

And the gohemouches, though fluttered, will soon sink to rest.

Improvements in Theatres.—In the new Theatre being built for
Mr. Hare, the stall-chairs are on wheels. They are standing out in
the spacious hall, and on arriving at the front door, the visitor's hat,
coat, and stick, are immediately removed by a hidden machinerv
which wheels him into the exact situation he is intended to occupy.
An electric-bell at his side has to be sounded for refreshments, and
another for a cab or carriage, as the case mavbe. When the vehicle
has arrived at the front door, the visitor is noiselessly trundled out
backwards, without disturbing the audience, the receding chair
allowing him to see the performance until he passes through "vam-
pire trap-doors " into the hall, when his hat, coat, gloves, umbrella,
stick, goloshes, &c, are fitted on to him again, when he is carried
out under the portico, and with a gentle and pleasant force, is pro-
jected into his carriage or cab, oi which the door will have been
previously opened by a Commissionnaire in attendance. There will
be machines into which you put the requisite sum and obtain your
ticket. There are many other novelties. It will be perfectly venti-
lated, as there will be plenty of Hare there.