Punch (95.1888)

90

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI,

[August 25, 1888.

AWKWARD REVELATIONS.

Effic. "GEORGIE AND I HAVE BEEN DOWN-STAIRS IN THE DlNING-ROOM, Mk. MlTCHAM. WE 'VE BEEN playing HUSBAND AND

Wife ! " Mr. Mitcham. "How did you do that, my dear i"

Ejfie. "Why, Georgy sat at one end of the Table, and I sat at the other ; and Georgy said, 'This Food isn't fit to
eat !' and I said, ' It's all you'll get !' and Georgy said, ' Dam !' and I got up and left the Room ! "

Improvement fast press on :
'■ A PROFESSIONAL OPINION." ! But what's the true lesson

A Song for the Season.
Air—" The Tight Little Island."

Daddy Neptune one day

To Britannia did say,
" I've seen battles on sea and on dry land,

But by Jove, dear, the Briton

A fashion has hit on
Unmatched until now in his Island.
Oho ! but it raises a smile, and
Old Nestor to mirth might beguile, and

I never did know

_ Such a rum sort of go,
As this latest sham-fight round your Island.

" By Jingo, my daughter,

1ms seizure and slaughter
Oa Anion's salt water, and by land,

This very sham guarding,

And bogus bombarding
The towns and the ports of the Island,
Is good Autumn days to beguile, and
Land-lubbers like Lawson to rile, and

Make Bannerman jeer

But, my dear, is it clear
What good it will do to your Island ?

"No doubt Sir George Tryon
Has fought like a lion,
And Admiral Baird is no craven ;
Larks, varied with blunder,
And make-believe plunder,
From Liverpool down to Berehaven _
Of course may be really worth while, and
Teach Jack to steer cruisers in style, and

Manoeuvres like this teach the Island ?

"Blockading Lough Swilly

In vain does look silly;
A big hostile fleet close to dry land

Destruction and pillage

Of sea-port and village
May raise a wry laugh round the Island.
Ineffective blockading seems vile, and
To chase the foe many a mile, and

At last let him slip

Without taking a ship
May be war,—but it puzzles the Island.

" Jack Tars are rare jokers,

But shortness of stokers,
And engines that come to grief nigh land,

Are hardly good wheezes,

Scarce funning that pleases
The folks of the tight little Island.
Yes, it's a snug little Island,
A right little, tight little Island ;

But ports held to ransom

Are really not handsome
Or nice things to read in the Island.

'1 Suppose an Armada
Again should invade her,

This Queen of the Sea, dear, your Island,
Could you do more—or less—
Than in days of Queen Bess,

To keep foreign foes from your Island ?
There are lots have an eye on the Island,
They would much like to plunderthe Island;
And—well, can you say
You've not shown 'em the way

To rifle and stifle your Island ?

" Those wise Whitehall ' cakes,'

They all play ducks and drakes
With your wealth, but, my dear, can you spy

Are you clear that your Fleet [land ?

Is as sound and complete
As is needful to safe-guard your Island ?
The good Wooden Walls of the Island
Are gone • iron ruleth the Island;

But do you quite feel

That with Iron and Steel
You can flout all the foes of your Island ?

" Well, Time doth reverse all!

And further rehearsal
May show your Fleet worthy the Island,

But "more of it's needful;

So, prithee, be heedful,
And keep a sharp eye round your Island.
Be sure your officials are movers,
To prove by these Autumn Manoeuvres,

Which strike me as funny,

The need of more money
To keep up a Fleet for the Island.

'' Britannia and Neptune

Have hitherto kept tune
In each saying, ' This shall be my land ;'

Should the foes of Old England,

Or all they can bring, land,
We still must show play for the Island.
We must fight for our right to the Island,
Our Fleet must encircle the Island;

If increase it you must,

My dear, down with the dust,
For it's worth it, your tight little Island! "

Tuttle's History op Prussia. 2 Vols.
Lucid style. '' Clear Tuttle ! "