Punch (95.1888)

September 15, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

123

DERISION.

Bagnidge (to his Friend's Keeper). " Tut-t-t-t—dear me ! Woodruff, I'm afraid I've shot that Dog
Keeper. "Oh no, Sir, I think he's all right, Sir. He mostly drop down like that if anybody Misses !

BEAUTIFUL TAR.

Song of an Enthusiastic Scientist.

Air—"Beautiful Star."

Beautiful Tar, the outcome bright
Of the black coal and the yellow gas-light,
Of modern products most wondrous far,
Tar of the gas-works, beautiful Tar!

Tar ot the Gas-works, &c.

Infancy's ear thou seem'st to say,

Follow me close, I am bound to pay.
On me experiments freely try;
■tor if there's a multuin inparvo, 'tis I."

Tar of the Gas-works, &c.

]^„en t°ld ug once, with a cheek quite calm,
Of the things that the Arabs could get from

the palm;
But that fraud botanic is distanced far
-By the modern marvel, the black Coal-tar.

Tar of the Gas-works, &c.

House and garments, victuals and drink,
lhe nomad got from the palm, I think;
OxA.as source of beauty, and bliss, and balm,
<-oal-tar irom the palm-tree must bear the
palm. Tar of tte Gas-works, &c.

Protoplasm ? Oh, that's played out;
Ihe true protoplasm is Tar, no doubt.
as promise and potency," Tar must take
What vulgar sciolists call "the cake : »
Tar of the Gas-works, &c.

There's hardly a thing that a man may name
Of use or beauty in life's small game,

But you can extract in alembic or jar

From the " physical basis " of black Coal-tar.

Tar of the Gas-works, &c.

Oil, and ointment, and wax, and wine,
And the lovely colours called aniline ;
You can make anytliing, from a salve to a
star,

If you only know how to, from black Coal-
tar. Tar of the Gas-works, &c.

'Tis found the basis of all things sweet;
Sugar is settled, and beet is beat;
The western root and the eastern cane
With ubiquitous Coal-tar contend in vain.

Tar of the Gas-works, &c.

You can carry the stuff in your pocket or
hat,

And it 'will not hurt you, or make you fat;
Of saccharine matters the wholesomest far
Is the stuff extracted from black Coal-tar,
Tar of the Gas-works, &c.

The very bees mistake it for honey!
'Tis a fount of pleasure, a mine of money;
And the Bounty question without a jar
Will soon be settled by black Coal-tar,

Tar of the Gas-works, &c.

Triumph, 0 Tar! Stuff half divine !
The world's whole interests soon will twine
Around thine essence the subtlest far,
Tar of the Gas-works, black Coal-tar—
Tar of the Gas-works, black Coal-tar I

A Person of Light and Leading.—Will o'
the Wisp.

NOUS AT NEWNHAM.

(By a" Babbler in the Land.")

[Miss Helen Gladstone says that when she
was a student at Newnham, a motion was brought
before the Debating Society there, and carried by
a large majority, that life without gossip was not
worth living.]

Excellent, Miss'HELEN'GiADSTONE!

That is not the frump or "fad's " tone.

Girlhood without Gossip ? Dreadful!

Fancy Fanny with a head full

Of on dits and tittle-tattle

Sworn against all pretty prattle!

Vowed to theorems and theses !

No, the little talking teases

Could not care for Mind or Matter,

Art or Science, without Chatter.

Mr. Punch, though gabbling cad you
hate,

You'll applaud the " sweet girl graduate"

Who, howe'er chockfull of knowledge

Holds that girlhood, e'en at College,

Still may without blame or loss sip

Talk's essential nectar—Gossip,

Only scorned by peevish quizdom ;

For as Wit to heavy Wisdom,

Banter gay to bitter brooding,

Souffle light to suet pudding,

So is Gossip bright and blameless,

As unspiteful as 'tis aimless,

To the heavy altercation

Pompous prigs call Conversation!

Life without it worth the candle ?

No, dear Punch. Dull spite and scandal

Very properly you tackle,

But you will not " cut the cackle."