Punch (95.1888)

126 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 15, 1888.

OUT OF TOWN.

(UNFASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE.)
Visitor. "What a soaking Trade the Hotels will be doing, with all these Holiday Folk I"
Head Waiter at The George. " Lor bless yer, Sir, no ! They all bring their Nosebags with 'em !'

THE "IRREPRESSIBLE CHINEE" !

(An expansion and new application of the neatest
of American Nursery Rhymes.)

Ping-Wing, the Pieman's Son,
Was a troublesome chap from far Canton.
Wander he would, and wherever he went
He raised up ructions and discontent.
Like little Ah Sid, with his " yukakan! "
He "yelly much bothered um Melican man."

Ping-Wing, like little Ah Sid,
Was a cute little yellow-faced Chinee kid;
And, like his compatriot, sly Ah Sin,
He had tricks that are dark and an eye to the
tin:

To scrape and store it afar he'd roam,
But he always wanted to spend it at home.

Ping-Wlng he could " terribly toil,"
A sleek-faced slave—till he'd sacked the spoil.
Then Ping-Wing, the Pieman's Son,
Would hook it homeward to far Canton,
And live m comfort and cut a dash
At the West's expense with the West's hard
cash.

Ping-Wing, with his saffron face,
Played it rather low down on the Western
race;

For he worked so cheap and he worked so
quick,

And never resented the snub or kick;

And the West conceived it could play and

Whilst Ping-Wing worked for it. Innocent
West!

Ping-Wing he would wash and scrub,
Whilst the Western male abhors the tub,
He would slave and save, and live upon rice,
Which to Western molars is not so nice.
So the wise West chortled, and argued thus :—
" This yaller Nigger's a useful euss ! "

But the Western wiseacres didn't quite see
The whole of the game of the Heathen Chinee;
And tvhen they twigged Ping-Wing his plan,
It fearfully flustered the " Melican man,"
And raised no end of a hullaballoo
In the land, of the bounding kangaroo.

An Sid, when a bee by mistake he got,
Found "um Melican butterfly yelly much
hot,"

So the Melican man and the Cornstalk bold
Soon found Ping-Wing was too hot to hold,
And, despite his patience and power of work,
Ping-Wing isn't wanted too near New York.

The Congress found that the Pieman's Son
Had much better keep to his own Canton ;
That his shifty fingers and saffron skin
Might suit Hong-Kong or might fit Pekin,
Or any abode near the Chinese Wall;
But were not wanted in 'Prisco at all.

Though Ping-Wing toiled, and was meek and

mild. , . ., ,

Chinese cheap labourers domiciled
'Twixt the Pacific and the Atlantic
Were quickly driving the Yankee frantic.
Diplomacy saw it were clearly best
To speed Ping-Wing as a parting guest.

But Ping-Wing, the Pieman's Son,
Is a dogged critter not easily done.

The wild West wanted his neck in the noose
Of " Heads I win, (pig) tails you lose."
But the Treaty shaped that wish to gratify,
Celestial cuteness refused to ratify.

So Senator Scott he ups, and he,
Like Bill Nye, '' goes for that Heathen
Chinee."

The Western World for the issue waits,
But all about the Pacific Coast States
You may hear men singing of Chinese crime
To this newest shape of a Nursery Rhyme :—

" Ping-Wing, the Pieman's Son,
Was a troublesome cuss from far Canton.
He laboured hard, and he lived on rice,
But his tricks were dark, and his tastes not
nice.

He burnt the Convention, and then said he,
' Me wonder whar dat Treaty be !' "

1 DOUBLINGS

In the case of Woodwoeth v. Sugden,
reported last Saturday, Mr. Justice Denman
is reported to have asked—

" Is Mr. Sugden advertised to appear at both
Theatres to-morrow night ?

Mr. Bramwell Davis. Yes."

What a wonderful man! What a mar-
vellous being in whose weird existence the
laws of time and space are annihilated, and
the powers of the Chancery Division have
actually to be invoked in order to restrain
Mr. Sugden from appearing in two places at
once!