Punch (95.1888)

September 29, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 145

THE PARNELL COMMISSION.

(Special Report.)

"Monday, September 1.—Mr. Justice Hannen, Mr. Justice Day, and
Mr. Justice Smith, sitting in the Probate Division of the Royal Courts of
Justice, met to-day to hear the matters at issue between the Times and Mr.
Parnell. Sir Charles Russell, M.P., Q.C., represented Mr. Parnell
and the other Irish Members concerned. Mr. Graham appeared for Mr.
Walter and Another. Toby, M.P., Q.C.* (instructed by Mr. George
Lewis, of Ely Place, Holborn, W.C.), watched the case for the Public."—
Paper.

Cut this out of morning paper ; great deal more ; columns of it;
but don't suppose there '11 be room to print it. Yet a most interesting

case. My first brief. Fancy I
have started pretty well. Feel
the wig rather hot, and always
blushing to And gown nearly slip-
ping off. Observe that Chaeles
Russell keeps his gown well over
his shoulders, whereas Graham,
when addressing Court, generally
has the collar somewhere m neigh-
bourhood of small of his back.
Suppose they begin that way,
working gown up to the shoulders
as they advance towards Charles
Russell's status.

Everything very agreeable.
"Wondered, when I went in, what
the Judges would say. '' Is the
old min friendly ? " I said to my-
self, looking up at Hannen.
Found he was, very. When I
said I appeared for the public, he
made me a little bow, and ob-
served, " The case of the public is
in excellent hands." Very nice
that. Felt quite encouraged.
Determined to justify good opin-
ion. Opening presented early in
case. When Graham was asked
whom he represented, he replied,
'' My Lud, I appear, with my
learned friend the Attoeney-
Geneeal, for the defendants in
" Knocking at the door." ^ case 0f O'Donnell v. Walter."

Here was my chance. Seized it with alacrity.
"My Lud," I said, hitching my gown over left shoulder, and
cocking back my wig, as I have observed another eminent Q..C. do,
'' interposing as amicus caries, I may observe that my learned friend
is a little inaccurate. He says he appears loith the Attorney-
General. May I point out, my Lud, that it would be more accurate
to say ' he appears without the Attorney-General ?' "

" Silence ! " shouted a person in gown, who, I subsequently ascer-
tained, was called the Usher.

Have a good look at the Judges. Hannen in the middle, sitting
in the chair he usually fills as President of the Divorce Court. A
plump pleasant-featured man.

"Looks," says Charles Russell, "as if he was able to bear with
equanimity the failure of other people's marriages."

On the left Smith, a quiet keen-faced man, who says very little,
but evidently thinks a good deal. On the right Day. Day simply
delicious. Haven't seen anything so lovely for years. Never get
tired of watching him. Splendid figure-head for a ship. Widely
opened, stonily-staringeyes ; uplif ted eyebrows wrinkling the massive
forehead ; lips slightly parted ; moves head slowly from side to side
gazing round Court with air of perpetual surprise. Sometimes looks
up at ceiling, as if wondering what it could be for. Then gaze slowly
lowered to desk, marvelling how the doose it got there. Again,
slowly surveys Court. Think I hear him whispering to himself,
"Dear me! What a lot of reporters!" Looks as if he'd never
attempted a joke in his life, or understood one. What a prize mute
he'd make at a first-class funeral!

Case grows interesting as it goes on. Charles Russell por-
tentously bland. Never loses his temper for a moment. Is so
amiable; must be winning hand over hand. Argues for disclosure
of documents, specification of charges. _ " Let-us-know-what-we-
have-to-meet," and all that sort of thing. Fancy I've heard all
before in the House of Commons: nothing came of it there except
occasional beating in Division Lobby. Now Hansen" gravely listens.
Smith (not Old Morality) twinkles with attention. Day solemnly
nods his head with curious rhythmical action of the mechanical Man-
darin. Seems to be something in it, after all. Graham drops his
gown half an inch lower down the length of his spine, and says the

* The Dog has taken silk, and never told his oldest and best friend!—Bunch.

things the Attorney-General and Edward Clarke used to say in
House of Commons. But Hannen swoops down on him like a falcon;
rather paralyses him. Graham wriggles and wrestles, falters and
stumbles. His face settles into stony pallor, pitiful to see. Quite
sorry for him. Think I '11 give him a lift. Nothing like a word of
sympathy in times like this. Write on slip of paper,—
" Threaten to move for a writ offi. fa."

Haven't clear idea what writ of ft. fa. is. Fancy it's a sort of
protest, as who should say, " Fi. fa. shame ! " Pass the slip of paper
on to Graham. Eagerly opens 'it. Reads, and looks back at me.
I nod to him cheerily.

" Try that, old fellow," I say.

Graham evidently doesn't catch on. Paleness deepens. Stares at
me angrily. Put open hand to side of mouth, and loudly whisper,
" Fieri facias ! "

"Silence!" says the Usher.

Presently Graham cites at large from case of Brown v. Watkin,
also case of Dike v. Stephen; drifts gently to Shaw v. Smith.
Time seems opportune for creating little diversion.

" My Lud," I say, addressing President, " as our time is valuable,

Eerhaps your Ludship, whilst my learned friend proceeds with
is citations, would favour the Court with your views on the
question, 'Is Marriage a Failure P' Tour Ludship's remarkable

opportunities for-''

The Usher. "Silence!"
I thought he 'd say that.

At half-past one, adjourned for luncheon. A little late in return-
ing to Court. Found the O'Gorman Mabxot, with, facias nearly as
fieri as Graham's. Seems he wanted to get in without ticket.
Messenger declined to admit him.

"There's my cyard," said The Mahon, pressing pasteboard on
acceptance of trembling minion. '' A frind will call ux>on ye this
evening."

Inside Court Judges got on a long way. In fact, a few minutes
after, the whole thing seemed to come to an end. Russell got all he
asked for, and, there being nothing more to do, adjournment proposed.

The President. '1 We have all spent a very comfortable afternoon."

Toby, M.P., Q.C. (interposing as amicus curia?). " As your Ludship
pleases."

Usher. "Silence!"

Then we picked up our briefs and went out. My learned friend
Asqutth's brief lying close to mine, I picked that up too. Has an
overwhelming effect in walking through the crowd, to carry from
Court a good armful of papers.

A WHITEHEAD TORPEDO FOR THE CITY.

Saturday next, Michaelmas Day. Also City elects new Lord
Mayor. Hail, James Whitehead, Alderman that is, Lord Mayor

Michaelmas Day in the City. Turtles electing a Lord Mayor.

that shall be! There is nothing suggestive of the Torpedo about him
but his name. A capable, courtly man, who will do honour to the
high position he is called to, and will, with peculiar fitness, inaugu-
rate the new era of City administration in conjunction with the
working of a Radical Local Government Act passed by a Conservative
Ministry.___

Morality at a Tennis-Match.

(By a Buffer.)
To prophesy our downfall is not rash,
Now all our boys—and girls—seem " going to smash !"

TOl. XCT,