Punch (98.1890)

February 15, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

ULTIMA RATIO.

Small Rustic. " Yeou can't go that way." Stalwart Young Lady {out Sketching). "Why not?"
Small Mitotic. '"Cause there's—there's Hurdles." Stalwart Young Lady. "But I can get over Hlrdles.''

Small Rustic. " And then there's the Bull I"

ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, MP.

ousb of Commons, Tuesday,
February 11.—" How do you
do, Toby? A merry New
Session and many of them."

It was Old Morality who
spoke; his kindly face beamed
on me ; his friendly hand
grasped mine. Walked up
the floor together through the
old familiar scene. Benches
crowded, though a vacant seat
here and there; Hartington's
for example. Everybody sorry
to hear he's been ill, and glad
to think of him enjoying the
sunlight of Monte Carlo.
Grand Old Man more Grand
and less Old than ever; just
up from Oxford ; passed very
well, it is said. Comes into
* Parliament with every pros-

Rslf. i,4„ _ , , , , „ pect of distinguishing nim-

" 'T I ■T te>m spee+Cl1- J00^ f 0r m™h interest!
M™wJ-.wT. v-nt ^ off for a month or two, Toby," he said,
frnm ^Wltt t^e ingenuousneaB of youth. " You see I 'm so fresh
affile, lS?' ^hat lt; w011illd 111 become me to plunge into public
thl f ;- l^J^-y?11/^ a I0™* fellow like me to get up at
»™ but here l1; s,different. You're very good to say that

great things are expected of me; but, if you please, I '11 keep in
the background a bit. I '11 feel my feet first, as they used to say in
xne nursery, in what seems only yesterweek."

very nice this of him. Wish all young fellows fresh from the
university, even when they have taken honours, were equally modest.

" Haven't seen you since we met at Greenlands' icy mountains in
the Recess," Old Morality said, continuing our conversation
interrupted by the cheers that greeted our arrival. " Y'ou remember
how bitterly cold the day was ? Rather thought you hurried away.
Wish you could have stayed to luncheon. We happened to have
something succulent. However, you must come and dine in my
room behind the Speaker's Chair; Akers-Douglas will show you
the way. We do it pretty snug there, I can tell you. What sort of
a Session shall we have ? Who can tell ? Usual sort of thing, I
suppose. We shall bring in a lot of Bills ; Gentlemen opposite will
talk some of them out; at Easter and Whitsuntide Recesses we
shall squeeze a stage of some through, under pressure of the
holidays; then three weeks in June and most of July will be
wasted; and in August we'll suspend Standing Orders, and ram
through everything we can. As for me, I shall endeavour to do my
duty to the Quee.v, to the Country, and to the Members of this
House, in whichever part they sit. Did you ever, dear Toby, con-
sider how a kettle boils? The water nearest to the fire is first
heated, and (being heated) rises to the top. Its place is supplied by
colder portions, which are heated in turn, and this interchange
takes place till all the water is boiling hot. That is how we shall
get through the Session. The Report of the Parnell Commission,
being most heated, will rise to the top first. Then the Tithes Bill,
Land Purchase, the Education 'question, and one or two other little
matters will follow, till we 're all in boiling water. Good-bye now;
don't forget to come across Akers-Douglas about Eight o'Clock."
Business done.—Session opened.

Killing for a Shilling.—Lord Wolseley (who seems to have
read the regulations governing communications from soldiers to the
Press in a very liberal spirit) has published an article on the Brl^?J^
Army in the pages of an American Twelvepenny Magazine, -ine
contribution is embellished with sketches of the costumes of Iommy
Atkins and his predecessors. For the rest, someof the letterpress is sui-
ficiently alarming to warrant "Our Onlv'General" in.ujnp
which he apparently appears to covet-that of a " Shilling Shocker.