DOI Heft:
January 30, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17693#0063
January 30, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
53
ABOMINATIONS OF MODERN SCIENCE.
Mariana arrives at the Moated Grange (after a long,
damp Journey) just in time to dress for Dinner, and finds,
to her sorrow, that hf.r ptoom is warmed by hot water plpes
and lighted by electricity.
got room there, I dessay this lady won't mind takin' one of yer on
her lap. (To Mrs. L. S., who is frozen with horror at the sugges-
tion.) They 're 'umin beans, Mum, like yerself !
Mrs. L. S. {desperately ignoring her other neighbours). Isn't that
lovely balcony there copied from the one at the Pisani, Lavender—
or is it the ContariniP I forget.
Mr. L. 8. Don't remember—got the Ilialto rather well, haven't
they ? I suppose that's intended for the dome of the Salute down
there—not quite the outline, though, if I remember right. And, if
that's the Campanile of St. Mark, the colour's too brown, ehP
The Hum. 'Arry {with intention}. Oh, I sy, Dysy, yn't that
the Kempynoily of Kennington Oval, right oppersite P and 'aven't
they got the Grand Kinel in the Ole Kent Road proper, eh ?
Dysy {playing up to him, with enjoyment). Jest 'aven't they!
On'y I don't quoite remember whether the colour o' them gas-lamps
is correct. But there, if we go on torkin' this w'y, other parties
might think we wanted to show orf!
Mrs. L. 8. Do you remember our last gondola expedition,
Lavender, coming home from the Giudecca in that splendid sunset ?
The Hum. A. Iieeklect you and me roidin' 'ome from Walworth
on a rhinebow, Dysy, eh ?
Chorus of Chaff from the bridges and terraces as they pass.
'Ullo, 'ere comes another boat-load! 'Jgher up, there! . . . Four-
wheeler ! . . . Ain't that toff in the tall 'at enjoyin' himself ? Quite
a 'appy funeral! &c, &c.
Mrs. L. S. {faintly, as they enter the Canal in front of the Stage).
Lavender, dear, I really can't stand this much longer!
Mr. L. 8. {to the Bloated Youth). Might I ask you, Sir, not to puff
your smoke in this lady's face—it's extremely unpleasant for her !
The B. Y. All right, Mister, I'm always ready to oblige a lydy
—but—{with icounded pride)—as to its hem'unpleasant, yer know,
all / can tell yer is—{with sarcasm)—that this 'appens to be one of
the best tuppeny smokes in 'Ammersmith !
Mr L. 8. {diplomatically). I am sure of that—from the aroma,
but if you could kindly postpone its enjoyment for a little while, we
should be extremely obliged!
The B. Y. Well, I must keep it aloire, yer know. If there's any-
one 'ere that understands cigars, they '11 bear me out as it never
smokes the same when you once let it out.
{The other Passengers confirm him in this epicurean dictum,
whereupon he sucks the cigar at intervals behind Mrs. L. S.'s
back, during'the remainder of the trip.
Mr. L. 8. {to Mrs. L. S. when they are alone again). "Well,
Mimosa, illusion successful, eh P Mrs. L. 8. Oh, don't!
TO MY CIGARETTE.
My own, my loved, my Cigarette, j The strong I found too apt to
My dainty joy disguised in | burn [temper,
tissue, [regret: My tongue, the week to try my
What fate can make your slave And all were failures, and I grew
The day when first he dared to j More tentative and undecided,
kiss you P Consulted friends, and found they
I had smoked briars, like to most < knew
Who joy in smoking, and had ! As little as or less than I did.
been a i Hayannah yielded up her pick
Too ready prey to those who boast
Their bonded stores of Reina
Tina.
Inhoneydewhad steeped my soub
Had been of cherry pipes a
cracker,
And watched the creamy] meer-
schaum's bowl
Grow weekly, daily, hourly
blacker.
Of prime cigars to my fruition ;
I bought a case, and some went
"sick,"
The'rest were never in condition.
Until in sheer fatigue I turned
To you, tobacco's white-robed
tyro, [learned
And from your golden legend
Your maker dwelt and wrought
m Cairo.
Read Calverley and learnt by 0 worshipped wheresoe'er I roam,
heart [weed in; As fondly as a wife by some is,
The lines he celebrates the j Waif from the far Egyptian home
And blew my smoke in rings, an Of Pharaohs, crocodiles, and
art [in. j mummies;
That many try, but few succeed j Beloved, in spite of jeer and
In fact of nearly every style _ frown ; [you,
Of smoke I was a kindly critic, The more the Philistines assail
Though I had found Manillas vile, : The more the doctors run you
And Trichinopolis mephitic. down, [you.
The stout tobacco-jar became The more I puff you—andinhale
Within my smoking - room a ! Though worn with toil and vexed
fixture ; with strife
I heard my friends extol by name ; (Ye smokers all, attend and
Each one his own peculiar \ near me),
mixture. ; Undaunted still I live my life,
And tried them every one in turn With you, my Cigarette, to
(0 varium, tobacco, semper!); cheer me.
53
ABOMINATIONS OF MODERN SCIENCE.
Mariana arrives at the Moated Grange (after a long,
damp Journey) just in time to dress for Dinner, and finds,
to her sorrow, that hf.r ptoom is warmed by hot water plpes
and lighted by electricity.
got room there, I dessay this lady won't mind takin' one of yer on
her lap. (To Mrs. L. S., who is frozen with horror at the sugges-
tion.) They 're 'umin beans, Mum, like yerself !
Mrs. L. S. {desperately ignoring her other neighbours). Isn't that
lovely balcony there copied from the one at the Pisani, Lavender—
or is it the ContariniP I forget.
Mr. L. 8. Don't remember—got the Ilialto rather well, haven't
they ? I suppose that's intended for the dome of the Salute down
there—not quite the outline, though, if I remember right. And, if
that's the Campanile of St. Mark, the colour's too brown, ehP
The Hum. 'Arry {with intention}. Oh, I sy, Dysy, yn't that
the Kempynoily of Kennington Oval, right oppersite P and 'aven't
they got the Grand Kinel in the Ole Kent Road proper, eh ?
Dysy {playing up to him, with enjoyment). Jest 'aven't they!
On'y I don't quoite remember whether the colour o' them gas-lamps
is correct. But there, if we go on torkin' this w'y, other parties
might think we wanted to show orf!
Mrs. L. 8. Do you remember our last gondola expedition,
Lavender, coming home from the Giudecca in that splendid sunset ?
The Hum. A. Iieeklect you and me roidin' 'ome from Walworth
on a rhinebow, Dysy, eh ?
Chorus of Chaff from the bridges and terraces as they pass.
'Ullo, 'ere comes another boat-load! 'Jgher up, there! . . . Four-
wheeler ! . . . Ain't that toff in the tall 'at enjoyin' himself ? Quite
a 'appy funeral! &c, &c.
Mrs. L. S. {faintly, as they enter the Canal in front of the Stage).
Lavender, dear, I really can't stand this much longer!
Mr. L. 8. {to the Bloated Youth). Might I ask you, Sir, not to puff
your smoke in this lady's face—it's extremely unpleasant for her !
The B. Y. All right, Mister, I'm always ready to oblige a lydy
—but—{with icounded pride)—as to its hem'unpleasant, yer know,
all / can tell yer is—{with sarcasm)—that this 'appens to be one of
the best tuppeny smokes in 'Ammersmith !
Mr L. 8. {diplomatically). I am sure of that—from the aroma,
but if you could kindly postpone its enjoyment for a little while, we
should be extremely obliged!
The B. Y. Well, I must keep it aloire, yer know. If there's any-
one 'ere that understands cigars, they '11 bear me out as it never
smokes the same when you once let it out.
{The other Passengers confirm him in this epicurean dictum,
whereupon he sucks the cigar at intervals behind Mrs. L. S.'s
back, during'the remainder of the trip.
Mr. L. 8. {to Mrs. L. S. when they are alone again). "Well,
Mimosa, illusion successful, eh P Mrs. L. 8. Oh, don't!
TO MY CIGARETTE.
My own, my loved, my Cigarette, j The strong I found too apt to
My dainty joy disguised in | burn [temper,
tissue, [regret: My tongue, the week to try my
What fate can make your slave And all were failures, and I grew
The day when first he dared to j More tentative and undecided,
kiss you P Consulted friends, and found they
I had smoked briars, like to most < knew
Who joy in smoking, and had ! As little as or less than I did.
been a i Hayannah yielded up her pick
Too ready prey to those who boast
Their bonded stores of Reina
Tina.
Inhoneydewhad steeped my soub
Had been of cherry pipes a
cracker,
And watched the creamy] meer-
schaum's bowl
Grow weekly, daily, hourly
blacker.
Of prime cigars to my fruition ;
I bought a case, and some went
"sick,"
The'rest were never in condition.
Until in sheer fatigue I turned
To you, tobacco's white-robed
tyro, [learned
And from your golden legend
Your maker dwelt and wrought
m Cairo.
Read Calverley and learnt by 0 worshipped wheresoe'er I roam,
heart [weed in; As fondly as a wife by some is,
The lines he celebrates the j Waif from the far Egyptian home
And blew my smoke in rings, an Of Pharaohs, crocodiles, and
art [in. j mummies;
That many try, but few succeed j Beloved, in spite of jeer and
In fact of nearly every style _ frown ; [you,
Of smoke I was a kindly critic, The more the Philistines assail
Though I had found Manillas vile, : The more the doctors run you
And Trichinopolis mephitic. down, [you.
The stout tobacco-jar became The more I puff you—andinhale
Within my smoking - room a ! Though worn with toil and vexed
fixture ; with strife
I heard my friends extol by name ; (Ye smokers all, attend and
Each one his own peculiar \ near me),
mixture. ; Undaunted still I live my life,
And tried them every one in turn With you, my Cigarette, to
(0 varium, tobacco, semper!); cheer me.