DOI issue:
July 9, 1892
DOI Page / Citation link: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0007
July 9, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
SIMPLE AS A "B" "C."
Deae Ex-Chancellor with a Past,—I
am sorry to have to address you, especially
as to you I owe my promotion. But matters
are coming to a crisis, and the Fatherland
is suffering- from your indiscretions. You are
making a great mistake—you are, indeed.
Now, I ask you, what would you do under
the following circumstances ? Supposing you
were in my position, what would you do if
your predecessor held you up to ridicule,
spoilt all your favourite diplomatic plans,
insulted your employer, and made himself
generally disagreeable all round ? You must
know, my good Prince, that you are sowing
dissension in every direction. You are em-
broiling us with Russia, and running tbe
chance of a war with France. Moreover, you
are breaking the very laws you made for the
solitary purpose of meeting the case you have
raised yourself ! So now, with every kindly
recollection of the past, tell me why I don't
arrest you, why 1 don'tput youintoprison, why
I don't break your power once and for ever ?
Yours truly, Vox C-.
Reply to the above.
Deae Chancellor, without a Future,—
I will answer you why you do not arrest me ?
The simple reason is that you, my dear friend,
are not Bismaeck. And I am, yours truly,
A Coeeespontjent signing himself "One
Who Lives and Leaens," wishes to know
what is the meaning of the expression, " Ihe
Minute Gun at Sea P" We will tell him. "A
Minute Gun " is, of course, a very small one.
When it goes wrong, it is " at sea." No extra
charge for this gun.
Mem.—You can't expect much from the
Speakers at a Convention, where the Speeches
must be Conventional.
" Haupy Thought ! "—Mr. John Thomas's
Grand Harp Concert.
vol. diri.
A WILDE IDEA.
Or, More Injustice to Ireland!
The licence for the production of his French
Play of Salome, accepted by Sarah B., having
been refused by the Saxon Licenser of Plays, The
b
O'Scar, dreams of becoming a French Citizen, but
doesn't quite " see himself," at the beginning of
his care> r, as a conscript in the French Army, and
so, to adapt the Gilbertian lines, probably—
" In spite of great temptation
To French na-tu-ra-li-sa-tion,
He '11 remain an Irishman! "
MY PUGGY!
[A Correspondent writes to the Standard in
praise of pugs, as the most useful household dogs to
prevent burglaries.]
Who bears, despite a wrinkled skin,
A heart that's soft and warm within,
And hates a visitor like sin ?—
My puggy!
Who has a little temper of
His own, and sports a winter couffh,
And thinks himself a mighty toff ?—
My puggy!
Whose voice, disturbing midnight rest,
Do wily house-breakers detest.
And move to some less guarded nest ?—
My puggy's !
Who does not, like a stupid cat,
'Gainst burglars' boots rub himself flat,—
Soliciting a felon's pat ?—
My puggy!
And when the burglar's body 's half
Inside the sash, with doggish laugh,
Who masticates his nearest calf r—
My puggy I
Who owns a phiz (which / could hug),
That's called by stupid boys an ug-
ly sulky unattractive " mug ? "—
My puggy!
Oue old friend, Mrs. Ramsbotham, has
been sightseeing in the country. Being asked
whether she had seen the Midgetts, she said,
"Don't mention 'em, my dear! I've seen
'em, and felt 'em—thousands of 'em—they
very nearly closed my eyes up."
SIMPLE AS A "B" "C."
Deae Ex-Chancellor with a Past,—I
am sorry to have to address you, especially
as to you I owe my promotion. But matters
are coming to a crisis, and the Fatherland
is suffering- from your indiscretions. You are
making a great mistake—you are, indeed.
Now, I ask you, what would you do under
the following circumstances ? Supposing you
were in my position, what would you do if
your predecessor held you up to ridicule,
spoilt all your favourite diplomatic plans,
insulted your employer, and made himself
generally disagreeable all round ? You must
know, my good Prince, that you are sowing
dissension in every direction. You are em-
broiling us with Russia, and running tbe
chance of a war with France. Moreover, you
are breaking the very laws you made for the
solitary purpose of meeting the case you have
raised yourself ! So now, with every kindly
recollection of the past, tell me why I don't
arrest you, why 1 don'tput youintoprison, why
I don't break your power once and for ever ?
Yours truly, Vox C-.
Reply to the above.
Deae Chancellor, without a Future,—
I will answer you why you do not arrest me ?
The simple reason is that you, my dear friend,
are not Bismaeck. And I am, yours truly,
A Coeeespontjent signing himself "One
Who Lives and Leaens," wishes to know
what is the meaning of the expression, " Ihe
Minute Gun at Sea P" We will tell him. "A
Minute Gun " is, of course, a very small one.
When it goes wrong, it is " at sea." No extra
charge for this gun.
Mem.—You can't expect much from the
Speakers at a Convention, where the Speeches
must be Conventional.
" Haupy Thought ! "—Mr. John Thomas's
Grand Harp Concert.
vol. diri.
A WILDE IDEA.
Or, More Injustice to Ireland!
The licence for the production of his French
Play of Salome, accepted by Sarah B., having
been refused by the Saxon Licenser of Plays, The
b
O'Scar, dreams of becoming a French Citizen, but
doesn't quite " see himself," at the beginning of
his care> r, as a conscript in the French Army, and
so, to adapt the Gilbertian lines, probably—
" In spite of great temptation
To French na-tu-ra-li-sa-tion,
He '11 remain an Irishman! "
MY PUGGY!
[A Correspondent writes to the Standard in
praise of pugs, as the most useful household dogs to
prevent burglaries.]
Who bears, despite a wrinkled skin,
A heart that's soft and warm within,
And hates a visitor like sin ?—
My puggy!
Who has a little temper of
His own, and sports a winter couffh,
And thinks himself a mighty toff ?—
My puggy!
Whose voice, disturbing midnight rest,
Do wily house-breakers detest.
And move to some less guarded nest ?—
My puggy's !
Who does not, like a stupid cat,
'Gainst burglars' boots rub himself flat,—
Soliciting a felon's pat ?—
My puggy!
And when the burglar's body 's half
Inside the sash, with doggish laugh,
Who masticates his nearest calf r—
My puggy I
Who owns a phiz (which / could hug),
That's called by stupid boys an ug-
ly sulky unattractive " mug ? "—
My puggy!
Oue old friend, Mrs. Ramsbotham, has
been sightseeing in the country. Being asked
whether she had seen the Midgetts, she said,
"Don't mention 'em, my dear! I've seen
'em, and felt 'em—thousands of 'em—they
very nearly closed my eyes up."