DOI Heft:
July 9, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0010
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [July 9, 1892.
AT THE WILD WEST.
(A Sketch at Hart's Court.)
The Orator's Opening Discourse (as heard in the back rows).
Ladies and Gentlemen, I desire to draw your attention to an impor-
tant fact. It will be my pleasure to introduce to you. . . (" Thereal
American popcorn, equally famous in Paris and London, tuppence
each packet ! " from Vendor in gangway) . . . history and life of the
. . . (" Buffalo Bill Puzzle,' one penny /" from another vendor be-
hind) . . . impress one fact upon your minds; this is not . . . (roar
and rattle of passing train) ... in the ordinary or common accepta-
tion of. . . ("1 Puff-puff-puff/" from engine shunting trucks) . . .
Many unthinking persons have said. . . (Piercing and prolonged
scream from same engine.) This is not so. On the contrary. . .
(Metallic bangs from trucks.) Men and animals are. . . ("Pro-
grammes/ Opera-glasses on hire!") . . . purely the creatures of.
[Remainder of remarks hopelessly lost amidst the clank of coupling
chains, whistles, snorts and puffs from shunting engine.
An Old Lady in Audience. He has such a beautiful clear voice, we
[The Daughters repudiate tvith gratifying unanimity any desire to
shoot gentlemen on horseback.
A Bloodthirsty Boy (as the hostile Lndians attack the train). Will
the Indians scalp anybody, Uncle ?
His Uncle. No my boy, they don't let 'em set near enough for that,
you see ! [The Lndians are ignominiously chased off by Cowboys.
The Boy (disappointed). They 'd a splendid chauce of scalping the
Orator that time—and not one of them even saw it!
Orator. Captain Jack Bcrtz, of the United States Army, 'will now
give you an example of his phenomenal Lightning Drill.
[The Captain takes up his position with an air of feree re-
solution, and proceeds to do wonderful things with a rifle
and fixed bayonet, which he treats with a familiarity
bordering on contempt.
A Lady (to a Military Friend—as the Captain twirls the rifle
rapidly round his neck). Have you ever seen anyone drill like that
before ?
The Mil. F. Saw Cinquevalli do something very like it at the
Empire. But he had a cannon-ball as well.
The Lady. Look at him now—he's making the gun revolve upside
ought to hear every word. If J were Buffalo Bill, I should positively | down with the bayonet on the palm of his hand! Could you do that ?
insist on the trains keeping quiet while the„Orator was speaking ! I The M. F. Not without drilling a hole in myself.
Orator (during the Grand The Lady. It really is
Processional Review). A y^^k? wonderful that he shouldn't
Troop of Arapahoe Indians ! yi^^y^^^ ^ee^ the P0"1^ ^SJX'^ ^ now ?
[Band strikes up ; a party yy^^^J^J^^^ii <t0$^jA The M' F' Wel1: 1 don't
of painted Lndians gallop fmmMf y M ^ ' ' - " ' see much point in it myself
■into Arena, uttering little JS^m^^'^^f^^-SB^Q^. ■ .J^™^' ~\ —but so long as it amuses
puppy-like barks. ^jMB^^^^-^y't vd^*^|ffs JsSj^^arati—---r him, I daresay it's all right.
An Artistic Lady (shud- ' &^^^^^^^^0^>^''ja^WK -^flSSSp'^p^9'' [The Captain discharges
dering). Look at that crea- ^^k^^^^^ '' ^t-"' |8j. '/fpP^Sr €\ the gun in the air and
ture with a raw pink body, ^illllllp^ 2 ^JM^ ' T "i Whit *f H. retires at the double,
and a pea-green face—it's ' ^^^^S ~ £7 V^!'^iSSfnHf ^ feeling that his country'''s
too frightful, and such crude -'^^^^^^^^H^^- •>' Jpt^Sn ,; >v!W^%^^t' safety is secure for the
yellows! I wish they could V''-ifjRL '/>iaapip^^WBPm present. Johnny Baker,
be taught to paint them- /y ^^^fy^^^^^^^^S^^\ mitt, W^^^P^^(^^*/W^w / ^ Voun9 American
selves some decent colour ! - ' '-MzS' -\ ,^>V'HbI,'! Sm^^^^J^wk '^p7/ jfx \ \ Marksman, appears and
Ller Sister. Really, dear, yWm'. iS^TNA Y ra|H^|^^^Ps^^^^Mr^w .V-"' rt \ \ exhibits his skill in shoot-
as far as decency is eon- -' .Sjf\^ \l\i\\Mffli /B^^o^P^B^^^p^rf^^' \ //'• ing upside down.
cerned, I don't exactly see lllll^ W ^Mwli^^l^^^^^^^'R^l^^^^l^^r^' II 1 Matron. He
what difference the mere fy-'';i^^^mKP^^S!fwms^^^^Hm^^^'-iit 'JW missed one that time—he's
colour would make. f no^ Q^ite such a good shot
Her LIusband. That isn't ^^^^^HL Y^A^mJ^^mT' ^^^^^^^^^s^m^^^mla^' ^7/\ as the girl was.
quite what Emily meant. '^MmmX One of the
She'd like to enamel 'em all #i|v ^lllvH JT# X Daughters. Oh,
in Art shades and drape but, Mother, you
Liberty scarves round 'em, /^$f^\ ' \N^^^^^''/ ^^^^^j^^M^^^^^^^^^Sff^^^Nlfi^^^^^^2^ forget! Miss A.n-
like terra-cotta drainpipes or / W '^^vjBj^^ ■NIE Oakley didn't
wicker-chairs—eh, Emily '( '■ j^^^^^^jg^^j^^a^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^HW^^^^^ i 'M stand on her-
Emily (loftily). Oh, my N L^^^^^^^^^^R^^B^^^^^^^^^lJ K^^Slrt- ^ The R' 3L ^H
dear Henry, I wasn't speak- ,; V J^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^U^^^^^^^^^^^7- -TT^^-V an awful voice). I
ing to you. 1 know what \. v\ ^^^^^^^^^y^M^^^S^^^^^^^^^aKS^^^^i Iff'"^El \ am perfectly aware
a contempt you have for ^gfew-^--------—-1 \ of ^Aa^EcPHEMlA;
all that makes a home beau- ~ffi / ^ vO so pray don't make
tiful! snc^ uniieeessaiT
Henry. Meaning Indians? * remarks!
My love, I respect them and ^^^^Pv^^^^^^W ^ • ' [Euphemia sub-
admire them—at a distance; '^///yw//JWyt^/' ' * N' sides in confusion,
but, plain or coloured, I <£t * ±i »„ , x, , • ,„ An Unsophisti-
i j '1 a A I ani perfectly aware of that, Eupnemia!" , 7 0 ,J. ,
cannot admit that they r • ' r cated Spectator (as
would be decorative as furniture—even in your drawing-room !
[Emily endures him in silence.
Orator. A party of Women of the Ogallalla Tribe !
[Three mounted Lndian ladies in blankets—walk their horses
slowly round the Arena, crooning " Aye-eia-ha-ya-hee-hi-
ya ! " with every sign of enjoying their own performance.
A Poetical Lady. What strange wild singing it is, John ! There 's
something so creepv about it, somehow.
John (a prosaic but frivolous person). There is, indeed. It explains
one thing I never quite understood before, though.
The Poetical Lady. I thought it would impress you—but what
does it explain ?
John. The reason why the buffalo in those parts has so entirely died
out.
A Rigid Matron (during the Emigrant Train Scene). I don't care
to see a girl ride in that bold way myself. I'm sure it must be so
unsexing for them. And what is she about now, with that man P
They 're actually having a duel with knives—on horseback too ! not
at all a nice thing for any young girl to do. There ! she's pulled out
a pistol and shot him—and galloped off as if nothing had happened !
I have always heard that American girls were allowed a good deal of
liberty—but I 'd really no idea they went as far as this! I should be
sorry indeed to see any girl of mine (here she glances instructively at
three dumpy and dough-faced Daughters) acting in that forward and
most unfeminine manner. (Reassuringly.) But I'm very sure there's
no fear of that, is there, dears ?
Master Baker, after rubbing his forehead, discovers a brickbat under
the mat where his head had been). Now, how very odd ! He found a
brick in exactly the same place when I was here before ! Someone
must have a grudge against him, poor boy ! But he ought to look
before he stands on his head, next time!
Mr. Timrnerman (carelessly, to his wife, as the Deadwood Coach
is introduced). It would be rather fun to have a ride in the Coach—
new experience and all that.
Mrs. T, (who doesn't intend him to go). Oh, do be careful then.
Mr. T. (feeling quite the Daredevil). Pooh, my dear, what is there
to be careful about ?
Mrs. T. It does look such a ramshackle old thing—it might break
down. Accidents do happen so quickly.
Mr. T. (reflecting that they certainly do). Oh, if it wasn't perfectly
safe, they wouldn't-
Mrs. T, Well, promise me if you go on the box to hold on tight
round the corners, then !
Mr. T. (who doesn't see much to hold on by). I shan't go on the
box—-I shall go inside.
Mrs. T. There mayn't be room. There are several people waiting
to go already. You '11 have to make haste to get a seat at all. I
shall be miserable till I see you safe back again !
Mr. T. (who is not sure he doesn't share her feelings). Oh well, if
you feel like that about it, I won't-
Mrs. T. Oh, yes; do, I want you to go—it will be so exciting for
you to see real Indians yelling and shooting all round.
AT THE WILD WEST.
(A Sketch at Hart's Court.)
The Orator's Opening Discourse (as heard in the back rows).
Ladies and Gentlemen, I desire to draw your attention to an impor-
tant fact. It will be my pleasure to introduce to you. . . (" Thereal
American popcorn, equally famous in Paris and London, tuppence
each packet ! " from Vendor in gangway) . . . history and life of the
. . . (" Buffalo Bill Puzzle,' one penny /" from another vendor be-
hind) . . . impress one fact upon your minds; this is not . . . (roar
and rattle of passing train) ... in the ordinary or common accepta-
tion of. . . ("1 Puff-puff-puff/" from engine shunting trucks) . . .
Many unthinking persons have said. . . (Piercing and prolonged
scream from same engine.) This is not so. On the contrary. . .
(Metallic bangs from trucks.) Men and animals are. . . ("Pro-
grammes/ Opera-glasses on hire!") . . . purely the creatures of.
[Remainder of remarks hopelessly lost amidst the clank of coupling
chains, whistles, snorts and puffs from shunting engine.
An Old Lady in Audience. He has such a beautiful clear voice, we
[The Daughters repudiate tvith gratifying unanimity any desire to
shoot gentlemen on horseback.
A Bloodthirsty Boy (as the hostile Lndians attack the train). Will
the Indians scalp anybody, Uncle ?
His Uncle. No my boy, they don't let 'em set near enough for that,
you see ! [The Lndians are ignominiously chased off by Cowboys.
The Boy (disappointed). They 'd a splendid chauce of scalping the
Orator that time—and not one of them even saw it!
Orator. Captain Jack Bcrtz, of the United States Army, 'will now
give you an example of his phenomenal Lightning Drill.
[The Captain takes up his position with an air of feree re-
solution, and proceeds to do wonderful things with a rifle
and fixed bayonet, which he treats with a familiarity
bordering on contempt.
A Lady (to a Military Friend—as the Captain twirls the rifle
rapidly round his neck). Have you ever seen anyone drill like that
before ?
The Mil. F. Saw Cinquevalli do something very like it at the
Empire. But he had a cannon-ball as well.
The Lady. Look at him now—he's making the gun revolve upside
ought to hear every word. If J were Buffalo Bill, I should positively | down with the bayonet on the palm of his hand! Could you do that ?
insist on the trains keeping quiet while the„Orator was speaking ! I The M. F. Not without drilling a hole in myself.
Orator (during the Grand The Lady. It really is
Processional Review). A y^^k? wonderful that he shouldn't
Troop of Arapahoe Indians ! yi^^y^^^ ^ee^ the P0"1^ ^SJX'^ ^ now ?
[Band strikes up ; a party yy^^^J^J^^^ii <t0$^jA The M' F' Wel1: 1 don't
of painted Lndians gallop fmmMf y M ^ ' ' - " ' see much point in it myself
■into Arena, uttering little JS^m^^'^^f^^-SB^Q^. ■ .J^™^' ~\ —but so long as it amuses
puppy-like barks. ^jMB^^^^-^y't vd^*^|ffs JsSj^^arati—---r him, I daresay it's all right.
An Artistic Lady (shud- ' &^^^^^^^^0^>^''ja^WK -^flSSSp'^p^9'' [The Captain discharges
dering). Look at that crea- ^^k^^^^^ '' ^t-"' |8j. '/fpP^Sr €\ the gun in the air and
ture with a raw pink body, ^illllllp^ 2 ^JM^ ' T "i Whit *f H. retires at the double,
and a pea-green face—it's ' ^^^^S ~ £7 V^!'^iSSfnHf ^ feeling that his country'''s
too frightful, and such crude -'^^^^^^^^H^^- •>' Jpt^Sn ,; >v!W^%^^t' safety is secure for the
yellows! I wish they could V''-ifjRL '/>iaapip^^WBPm present. Johnny Baker,
be taught to paint them- /y ^^^fy^^^^^^^^S^^\ mitt, W^^^P^^(^^*/W^w / ^ Voun9 American
selves some decent colour ! - ' '-MzS' -\ ,^>V'HbI,'! Sm^^^^J^wk '^p7/ jfx \ \ Marksman, appears and
Ller Sister. Really, dear, yWm'. iS^TNA Y ra|H^|^^^Ps^^^^Mr^w .V-"' rt \ \ exhibits his skill in shoot-
as far as decency is eon- -' .Sjf\^ \l\i\\Mffli /B^^o^P^B^^^p^rf^^' \ //'• ing upside down.
cerned, I don't exactly see lllll^ W ^Mwli^^l^^^^^^^'R^l^^^^l^^r^' II 1 Matron. He
what difference the mere fy-'';i^^^mKP^^S!fwms^^^^Hm^^^'-iit 'JW missed one that time—he's
colour would make. f no^ Q^ite such a good shot
Her LIusband. That isn't ^^^^^HL Y^A^mJ^^mT' ^^^^^^^^^s^m^^^mla^' ^7/\ as the girl was.
quite what Emily meant. '^MmmX One of the
She'd like to enamel 'em all #i|v ^lllvH JT# X Daughters. Oh,
in Art shades and drape but, Mother, you
Liberty scarves round 'em, /^$f^\ ' \N^^^^^''/ ^^^^^j^^M^^^^^^^^^Sff^^^Nlfi^^^^^^2^ forget! Miss A.n-
like terra-cotta drainpipes or / W '^^vjBj^^ ■NIE Oakley didn't
wicker-chairs—eh, Emily '( '■ j^^^^^^jg^^j^^a^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^HW^^^^^ i 'M stand on her-
Emily (loftily). Oh, my N L^^^^^^^^^^R^^B^^^^^^^^^lJ K^^Slrt- ^ The R' 3L ^H
dear Henry, I wasn't speak- ,; V J^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^U^^^^^^^^^^^7- -TT^^-V an awful voice). I
ing to you. 1 know what \. v\ ^^^^^^^^^y^M^^^S^^^^^^^^^aKS^^^^i Iff'"^El \ am perfectly aware
a contempt you have for ^gfew-^--------—-1 \ of ^Aa^EcPHEMlA;
all that makes a home beau- ~ffi / ^ vO so pray don't make
tiful! snc^ uniieeessaiT
Henry. Meaning Indians? * remarks!
My love, I respect them and ^^^^Pv^^^^^^W ^ • ' [Euphemia sub-
admire them—at a distance; '^///yw//JWyt^/' ' * N' sides in confusion,
but, plain or coloured, I <£t * ±i »„ , x, , • ,„ An Unsophisti-
i j '1 a A I ani perfectly aware of that, Eupnemia!" , 7 0 ,J. ,
cannot admit that they r • ' r cated Spectator (as
would be decorative as furniture—even in your drawing-room !
[Emily endures him in silence.
Orator. A party of Women of the Ogallalla Tribe !
[Three mounted Lndian ladies in blankets—walk their horses
slowly round the Arena, crooning " Aye-eia-ha-ya-hee-hi-
ya ! " with every sign of enjoying their own performance.
A Poetical Lady. What strange wild singing it is, John ! There 's
something so creepv about it, somehow.
John (a prosaic but frivolous person). There is, indeed. It explains
one thing I never quite understood before, though.
The Poetical Lady. I thought it would impress you—but what
does it explain ?
John. The reason why the buffalo in those parts has so entirely died
out.
A Rigid Matron (during the Emigrant Train Scene). I don't care
to see a girl ride in that bold way myself. I'm sure it must be so
unsexing for them. And what is she about now, with that man P
They 're actually having a duel with knives—on horseback too ! not
at all a nice thing for any young girl to do. There ! she's pulled out
a pistol and shot him—and galloped off as if nothing had happened !
I have always heard that American girls were allowed a good deal of
liberty—but I 'd really no idea they went as far as this! I should be
sorry indeed to see any girl of mine (here she glances instructively at
three dumpy and dough-faced Daughters) acting in that forward and
most unfeminine manner. (Reassuringly.) But I'm very sure there's
no fear of that, is there, dears ?
Master Baker, after rubbing his forehead, discovers a brickbat under
the mat where his head had been). Now, how very odd ! He found a
brick in exactly the same place when I was here before ! Someone
must have a grudge against him, poor boy ! But he ought to look
before he stands on his head, next time!
Mr. Timrnerman (carelessly, to his wife, as the Deadwood Coach
is introduced). It would be rather fun to have a ride in the Coach—
new experience and all that.
Mrs. T, (who doesn't intend him to go). Oh, do be careful then.
Mr. T. (feeling quite the Daredevil). Pooh, my dear, what is there
to be careful about ?
Mrs. T. It does look such a ramshackle old thing—it might break
down. Accidents do happen so quickly.
Mr. T. (reflecting that they certainly do). Oh, if it wasn't perfectly
safe, they wouldn't-
Mrs. T, Well, promise me if you go on the box to hold on tight
round the corners, then !
Mr. T. (who doesn't see much to hold on by). I shan't go on the
box—-I shall go inside.
Mrs. T. There mayn't be room. There are several people waiting
to go already. You '11 have to make haste to get a seat at all. I
shall be miserable till I see you safe back again !
Mr. T. (who is not sure he doesn't share her feelings). Oh well, if
you feel like that about it, I won't-
Mrs. T. Oh, yes; do, I want you to go—it will be so exciting for
you to see real Indians yelling and shooting all round.