DOI Heft:
July 23, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0040
34 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [July 23, 1892.
GUSHING HOSPITALITY. (Time 3 p.m.)
Hospitable Host. "Hate C'gar, old F'lla?" Languid Visitor. "No—thanks I" H. H. "Cigarette then?"
His Visitor. "No—thanks. Nevar smoke 'mejately after Breakfast." H. H. "Can't refuse a Toothpick, then, old F'lla?"
OUE BOOKING-OFFICE.
The Royal Agricultural Society'''s Journal. A Society Journal of
a peculiar character, of whioh this is the Third Series and Third
Vol .ume. It is noticeable for Lord^cathcart's appeal for the wild
birds, which, as addressed to farmers and farm-labourers and armed
ploughboys, may be summed up by an adaptation of the refrain
of the remonstrance—so frequently urged by one of Lieutenant
Cole's funny figures—"Can't ^you let the birds alone?" Then
Mr. Barting " On Vermin," which doesn't sound nice, though
better than if the title were vice versa,—is most interesting, especially
where he tells us that "shrews are harmless." If so, why did
Shakspeare give us " The Taming of the Shrew" as such a feat ?
Professor Brown writes about disease in sheep, of which paper Lord
Arthur Weedon de Grossmith would be absolutely correct in
observing, " What rot! " And, by the way, apropos of Weedon,
the Baron has to congratulate the Brothers Grossmith on their
Diary of a Nobody, republished from Mr. Punch's pages, but with
considerable additions. The Diary is very funny, not a page of it
but affords matter for a good laugh; and yet the story is not with-
out a touch of pathos, as it is impossible not to pity the steady,
prim, old-fashioned jog-trot Nobody, whose son, but just one re-
move above a regular 'Arry, treats him with such unfilial rudeness.
It has been complained that the late General Election has not been
amusing, and has given birth to little fun. Let those who feel this
most acutely read Mr. Pv. C. Lehmann's The " Billsbury Election
{Leaves from the Diary of a Candidate)." He will tell you how Mr.
Richard B. Pattle contested Billsbury in the Constitutional Interest;
how he " buttered up Billsbury like fun," was badgered by Billsbury,
heckled by Billsbury, taxed, tithed and tormented by Billsbury, and
eventually "chucked" by Billsbury. by the aggravatingly small
majority of seventeen. Also how his ' Mother bore up like a Trojan,
and said she was prouder of me thasn ever." Just so.
I hold it true whate 'er befall,
I wrote so, to the Morning Post;
' Tis better to have'' run'' and lost,
Than never to have run at all.
"Modern Types" and "Among the Amateurs" are well known
to the readers of Punch. But lovers of C. S. Calverley—that is to
say, all but a very few ill-conditioned critical creatures—and of neat
verse with a sting to it, should turn to p. 263 (A. C. S. v. C. S. C),
and read and enjoy the smart slating Mr. Lehmann administers to
tumid, tumultuous, thrasonic? turncoatist Algernon Charles Swin-
burne, for saying of the brilliant and well-beloved Author of Fly
Leaves, &c, that he—forsooth!—is "monstrously overrated and
preposterously overpraised " !!! Baron de B.-W. & Co.
WANTED IN THE LAW COURTS.
A Junior who will wear his gown straight, and not pretend that
intense preoccupation over dummy briefs prevents him from
knowing that it is off one shoulder.
A Judge who can resist the temptation to utterLeeble witticisms,
and to fall asleep.
A Witness who answers questions, and incidentally tells the truth.
A Jury who do not look supremely silly, and ridiculously self-
conscious, when directly addressed or appealed to by Counsel; or one
that really understands that the Judge's politeness is only another
and subtle form of self-glorification.
A Q.C. who is not " eminent," who does not behave " nobly," and
who can avoid the formula "I suggest to you," in cross-examination;
or one that does not thunder from a lofty and inaccessible moral alti-
tude so soon as a nervous Witness blunders or contradicts himself.
An Usher who does not try to induce the general public, especially
the female portion thereof, to mistake him for the Lord Chancellor.
A Solicitor who does not strive to appear coram populo on terms of
quite unnecessarily familiar intercourse with his leading Counsel.
An Articled Clerk who does not dress beyond his thirtyshillings
a-week, and think that the whole Court is lost in speculation as to
the identity of that distinguished-looking young man.
An Associate who does not go into ecstasies of merriment over
every joke or obiter dictum from the Bench.
Anybody who does not give loud expression to the opinion at the
nearest bar when the Court rises, that he could have managed the case
for either or both sides infinitely better than the Counsel engaged.
A Court-house whose atmosphere is pleasant and invigorating after
the Court has sat for fifteen minutes.
(Anyone concerned who, on reading these remarks in print, will
think that the cap can, by any scintilla of possibility, fit himself.)
GUSHING HOSPITALITY. (Time 3 p.m.)
Hospitable Host. "Hate C'gar, old F'lla?" Languid Visitor. "No—thanks I" H. H. "Cigarette then?"
His Visitor. "No—thanks. Nevar smoke 'mejately after Breakfast." H. H. "Can't refuse a Toothpick, then, old F'lla?"
OUE BOOKING-OFFICE.
The Royal Agricultural Society'''s Journal. A Society Journal of
a peculiar character, of whioh this is the Third Series and Third
Vol .ume. It is noticeable for Lord^cathcart's appeal for the wild
birds, which, as addressed to farmers and farm-labourers and armed
ploughboys, may be summed up by an adaptation of the refrain
of the remonstrance—so frequently urged by one of Lieutenant
Cole's funny figures—"Can't ^you let the birds alone?" Then
Mr. Barting " On Vermin," which doesn't sound nice, though
better than if the title were vice versa,—is most interesting, especially
where he tells us that "shrews are harmless." If so, why did
Shakspeare give us " The Taming of the Shrew" as such a feat ?
Professor Brown writes about disease in sheep, of which paper Lord
Arthur Weedon de Grossmith would be absolutely correct in
observing, " What rot! " And, by the way, apropos of Weedon,
the Baron has to congratulate the Brothers Grossmith on their
Diary of a Nobody, republished from Mr. Punch's pages, but with
considerable additions. The Diary is very funny, not a page of it
but affords matter for a good laugh; and yet the story is not with-
out a touch of pathos, as it is impossible not to pity the steady,
prim, old-fashioned jog-trot Nobody, whose son, but just one re-
move above a regular 'Arry, treats him with such unfilial rudeness.
It has been complained that the late General Election has not been
amusing, and has given birth to little fun. Let those who feel this
most acutely read Mr. Pv. C. Lehmann's The " Billsbury Election
{Leaves from the Diary of a Candidate)." He will tell you how Mr.
Richard B. Pattle contested Billsbury in the Constitutional Interest;
how he " buttered up Billsbury like fun," was badgered by Billsbury,
heckled by Billsbury, taxed, tithed and tormented by Billsbury, and
eventually "chucked" by Billsbury. by the aggravatingly small
majority of seventeen. Also how his ' Mother bore up like a Trojan,
and said she was prouder of me thasn ever." Just so.
I hold it true whate 'er befall,
I wrote so, to the Morning Post;
' Tis better to have'' run'' and lost,
Than never to have run at all.
"Modern Types" and "Among the Amateurs" are well known
to the readers of Punch. But lovers of C. S. Calverley—that is to
say, all but a very few ill-conditioned critical creatures—and of neat
verse with a sting to it, should turn to p. 263 (A. C. S. v. C. S. C),
and read and enjoy the smart slating Mr. Lehmann administers to
tumid, tumultuous, thrasonic? turncoatist Algernon Charles Swin-
burne, for saying of the brilliant and well-beloved Author of Fly
Leaves, &c, that he—forsooth!—is "monstrously overrated and
preposterously overpraised " !!! Baron de B.-W. & Co.
WANTED IN THE LAW COURTS.
A Junior who will wear his gown straight, and not pretend that
intense preoccupation over dummy briefs prevents him from
knowing that it is off one shoulder.
A Judge who can resist the temptation to utterLeeble witticisms,
and to fall asleep.
A Witness who answers questions, and incidentally tells the truth.
A Jury who do not look supremely silly, and ridiculously self-
conscious, when directly addressed or appealed to by Counsel; or one
that really understands that the Judge's politeness is only another
and subtle form of self-glorification.
A Q.C. who is not " eminent," who does not behave " nobly," and
who can avoid the formula "I suggest to you," in cross-examination;
or one that does not thunder from a lofty and inaccessible moral alti-
tude so soon as a nervous Witness blunders or contradicts himself.
An Usher who does not try to induce the general public, especially
the female portion thereof, to mistake him for the Lord Chancellor.
A Solicitor who does not strive to appear coram populo on terms of
quite unnecessarily familiar intercourse with his leading Counsel.
An Articled Clerk who does not dress beyond his thirtyshillings
a-week, and think that the whole Court is lost in speculation as to
the identity of that distinguished-looking young man.
An Associate who does not go into ecstasies of merriment over
every joke or obiter dictum from the Bench.
Anybody who does not give loud expression to the opinion at the
nearest bar when the Court rises, that he could have managed the case
for either or both sides infinitely better than the Counsel engaged.
A Court-house whose atmosphere is pleasant and invigorating after
the Court has sat for fifteen minutes.
(Anyone concerned who, on reading these remarks in print, will
think that the cap can, by any scintilla of possibility, fit himself.)