DOI Heft:
October 1, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0161
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 1, 1892.
156
AN EN-NOBBLING SPECTACLE!
Being some account of the Prodigal Daughter of Drury Lane,
Chapter I.—The Tea-urn of the Hunter.
Sir John Henry Neville Woodmere was the most conside-
rate of men, and he had a very considerate family, and a large
circle of considerate acquaintances. He was obliging to the last
Voluptuary, carrj ing weight, winning the Great Metropolitan Drury
Lane Stakes. Everybody up.
degree. Among those he knew, and to whom he owed a deep debt
of gratitude (for they had furnished him with an old family mansion,
a stud of racers, and passes for himself and circle to Paris) were
Attgtjste le Grand, and Henri le Pettitt.
"My good friend," said Henri, "your daughter is charming.
She has been well brought up, and has the finest sentiments ; but
it is necessary that she should run away to Paris, and dodge
the parson. Otherwise, how could she be called The Prodigal
Daughter ? "
Sir John saw the force of this reasoning, and consented.
" And stay," said Atjg-uste, "we must really have a good set, and
you must go a fox-hunting. You must have armour, and a breakfast,
and all of you must wear hunting-coats. And look here, we can't
do without flowers, and coats-of-arms, and open windows."
" But," objected Sir John, " if I am going a fox-hunting, surely
it should be in the winter or spring. And how about the flowers ? "
"You have got them from Nice," replied Auguste.
So it was thus arranged. Sir John's daughter, who was called
Rose Millwakd Woodmere, eloped and broke her father's heart.
" But," exclaimed her bereaved parent, preparing to mount a horse
that was waiting for him on the lawn amongst the flower-beds,
" although my heart is breaking, I will show the world I am a true
English gentleman by starting off to head the chace ! "
And he said this out of consideration for Atjguste and Henri,
because he knew they wanted what is technically known as a Curtain.
And by this means he gave them one. And a good one too.
Chapter II.—A little Trip to Paris.
And then Sir John and all his considerate family and acquain-
tances went to Paris to stay at the Grand Hotel, which seemed to
have been surrendered to them (at convenient times) for their special
use. Sir John was accompanied by a most useful villain, who showed
the depth of his depravity by wearing a moustache of the deepest
dye. So that this depth might be better known, he called himself
Deepwater.
_" Sir John," said this villain, " your daughter has come to Paris
with Captain Harry Vernon, and you should trounce him."
" I will," replied Sir John, heartily; " but surely I have seen my
daughter, and my niece, and Captain Harry Boyne Vernon, and
the Hon. Julian_ Knight Beleord, and Lord Harry Nicitolls
Banperry (a comic Peer), and his wife (a converted Quakeress), and
Dudley J. L. Shine Roper, a wicked but amusing Hebrew, hanging
about. Cannot we meet for two minutes, and set everything to-
rights ? "
" My dear Sir John," returned Maurice Fernandez Deepwater,
'' pray consider yourself mistaken. As you say, if we all met together
for two minutes in a room, the whole thing would be settled. But
then I am distinctly under the impression that Auguste le Grand
and Henri le Pettitt would be confoundedly annoyed."
" Oh," exclaimed Sir John, " if you think they would be annoyed,
do not say another word about it! "
So the various characters gave one another a clear berth, and
missed each other at the nick of time.
But after awhile Rose was left alone with the Hon. Julian
Belpord.
" It is not very clear to me why we haven't married," said he.
"Nor to me either! " she replied. " "We dawdled a bit, and I dare-
say put it off because what one knows can be done at any moment
is often not done at all."
" Well, hadn't we better go to the British Embassy ? "
"Why, yes," she replied, with some hesitation; "but I really
think you had better say you will marry my cousin. I fancy it
would please Auguste and Henri."
"Anything to oblige them," returned the Hon. Julian.
" That being settled, please leave me, as I have to fall in a dead
faint—must get an effective Curtain, you know ! "
The Hon. Julian Knight Belford nodded his head, and then
Rose Mill ward Woodmere fainted—with the desired result.
Chapter III.— Cackle v. 'Osses. The Favourite wins.
And now Sir John and his considerate circle had come to England,
and were close to Liverpool.
" My dear people," said Henbi, " never mind your love-making,
never mind your plot, leave it to Auguste, and he will pull you
through."
And Henri was quite right, Auguste went to work with a will,
and did pull them through. He took them to the Grand National
Steeple Chace, and showed them and all the world a sight the like
of which they had never seen before. There were real horses, real
touts, and a real winner. Oh, how it went! It was magnificent!
And, before this great race, Auguste (helped by Henri this time)
showeda training-stable, and how a favourite can be nobbled. It
didn't in the least matter why it was done, or where it was done.
It was a lovely sight to see somebody or other giving the wrong horse
beans. And the horse liked them, and eat them with a zest, and
felt none the worse for them. On the contrary, the beans seemed
to give the creature sufficient vigour to carry on the running until
Christmas at Drury Lane, with a trot to Covent Garden to follow,
and then back again, perhaps to the old quarters, up to Easter.
"Ah, that will make all things right!" cried Auguste.
" Voluptuary will carry the whole of us—Authors, Managers, and
Actors—to victory 1" And he was right—Voluptuary did carry
them to success—-a gigantic one.
Chapter IV.—The Means justify the End.
And Sir John and his considerate circle acted up to their principles
to the very end.
" Rose, come to my arms! " said he, to his child ; "you have been
prodigal enough, it is now time for your reformation and conciliation."
" Then may we marry ? " asked the Hon. Julian.
" Certainly ! " was the reply.
And the other couples were also satisfactorily accounted for.
" Are you contented P " asked Sir John, of Auguste and Henri.
"How does it end ?" was the answer, taking the shape of a
question.
'' Happily for all. Not only for us, but for you and the Public
generally."
And Auguste, Henri, Box and Cox, and in fact everybody who
was anybody, were satisfied. As indeed they should be.
NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rulo
there will be no exception.
156
AN EN-NOBBLING SPECTACLE!
Being some account of the Prodigal Daughter of Drury Lane,
Chapter I.—The Tea-urn of the Hunter.
Sir John Henry Neville Woodmere was the most conside-
rate of men, and he had a very considerate family, and a large
circle of considerate acquaintances. He was obliging to the last
Voluptuary, carrj ing weight, winning the Great Metropolitan Drury
Lane Stakes. Everybody up.
degree. Among those he knew, and to whom he owed a deep debt
of gratitude (for they had furnished him with an old family mansion,
a stud of racers, and passes for himself and circle to Paris) were
Attgtjste le Grand, and Henri le Pettitt.
"My good friend," said Henri, "your daughter is charming.
She has been well brought up, and has the finest sentiments ; but
it is necessary that she should run away to Paris, and dodge
the parson. Otherwise, how could she be called The Prodigal
Daughter ? "
Sir John saw the force of this reasoning, and consented.
" And stay," said Atjg-uste, "we must really have a good set, and
you must go a fox-hunting. You must have armour, and a breakfast,
and all of you must wear hunting-coats. And look here, we can't
do without flowers, and coats-of-arms, and open windows."
" But," objected Sir John, " if I am going a fox-hunting, surely
it should be in the winter or spring. And how about the flowers ? "
"You have got them from Nice," replied Auguste.
So it was thus arranged. Sir John's daughter, who was called
Rose Millwakd Woodmere, eloped and broke her father's heart.
" But," exclaimed her bereaved parent, preparing to mount a horse
that was waiting for him on the lawn amongst the flower-beds,
" although my heart is breaking, I will show the world I am a true
English gentleman by starting off to head the chace ! "
And he said this out of consideration for Atjguste and Henri,
because he knew they wanted what is technically known as a Curtain.
And by this means he gave them one. And a good one too.
Chapter II.—A little Trip to Paris.
And then Sir John and all his considerate family and acquain-
tances went to Paris to stay at the Grand Hotel, which seemed to
have been surrendered to them (at convenient times) for their special
use. Sir John was accompanied by a most useful villain, who showed
the depth of his depravity by wearing a moustache of the deepest
dye. So that this depth might be better known, he called himself
Deepwater.
_" Sir John," said this villain, " your daughter has come to Paris
with Captain Harry Vernon, and you should trounce him."
" I will," replied Sir John, heartily; " but surely I have seen my
daughter, and my niece, and Captain Harry Boyne Vernon, and
the Hon. Julian_ Knight Beleord, and Lord Harry Nicitolls
Banperry (a comic Peer), and his wife (a converted Quakeress), and
Dudley J. L. Shine Roper, a wicked but amusing Hebrew, hanging
about. Cannot we meet for two minutes, and set everything to-
rights ? "
" My dear Sir John," returned Maurice Fernandez Deepwater,
'' pray consider yourself mistaken. As you say, if we all met together
for two minutes in a room, the whole thing would be settled. But
then I am distinctly under the impression that Auguste le Grand
and Henri le Pettitt would be confoundedly annoyed."
" Oh," exclaimed Sir John, " if you think they would be annoyed,
do not say another word about it! "
So the various characters gave one another a clear berth, and
missed each other at the nick of time.
But after awhile Rose was left alone with the Hon. Julian
Belpord.
" It is not very clear to me why we haven't married," said he.
"Nor to me either! " she replied. " "We dawdled a bit, and I dare-
say put it off because what one knows can be done at any moment
is often not done at all."
" Well, hadn't we better go to the British Embassy ? "
"Why, yes," she replied, with some hesitation; "but I really
think you had better say you will marry my cousin. I fancy it
would please Auguste and Henri."
"Anything to oblige them," returned the Hon. Julian.
" That being settled, please leave me, as I have to fall in a dead
faint—must get an effective Curtain, you know ! "
The Hon. Julian Knight Belford nodded his head, and then
Rose Mill ward Woodmere fainted—with the desired result.
Chapter III.— Cackle v. 'Osses. The Favourite wins.
And now Sir John and his considerate circle had come to England,
and were close to Liverpool.
" My dear people," said Henbi, " never mind your love-making,
never mind your plot, leave it to Auguste, and he will pull you
through."
And Henri was quite right, Auguste went to work with a will,
and did pull them through. He took them to the Grand National
Steeple Chace, and showed them and all the world a sight the like
of which they had never seen before. There were real horses, real
touts, and a real winner. Oh, how it went! It was magnificent!
And, before this great race, Auguste (helped by Henri this time)
showeda training-stable, and how a favourite can be nobbled. It
didn't in the least matter why it was done, or where it was done.
It was a lovely sight to see somebody or other giving the wrong horse
beans. And the horse liked them, and eat them with a zest, and
felt none the worse for them. On the contrary, the beans seemed
to give the creature sufficient vigour to carry on the running until
Christmas at Drury Lane, with a trot to Covent Garden to follow,
and then back again, perhaps to the old quarters, up to Easter.
"Ah, that will make all things right!" cried Auguste.
" Voluptuary will carry the whole of us—Authors, Managers, and
Actors—to victory 1" And he was right—Voluptuary did carry
them to success—-a gigantic one.
Chapter IV.—The Means justify the End.
And Sir John and his considerate circle acted up to their principles
to the very end.
" Rose, come to my arms! " said he, to his child ; "you have been
prodigal enough, it is now time for your reformation and conciliation."
" Then may we marry ? " asked the Hon. Julian.
" Certainly ! " was the reply.
And the other couples were also satisfactorily accounted for.
" Are you contented P " asked Sir John, of Auguste and Henri.
"How does it end ?" was the answer, taking the shape of a
question.
'' Happily for all. Not only for us, but for you and the Public
generally."
And Auguste, Henri, Box and Cox, and in fact everybody who
was anybody, were satisfied. As indeed they should be.
NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rulo
there will be no exception.