DOI issue:
October 29, 1892
DOI Page / Citation link: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0202
October 29, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
197
LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS.
Mount Street, Grosvenor Square.
Dear Mr. Punch,—Most delightful
(Weather favoured us last week at Gatwick
and Sandown, and most of the horses I
mentioned as worth following either finished
nowhere or were not there at all, which I
think is a fair average record for a Turf
prophet! I heard at Sandownthat sweeping
reforms are to be expected in Turf matters
next Season, but I will not harp too much
on this string, as more able pens than mine
have undertaken it—though how a '' pen "
can harp on a string I don't quite see—or
hear, it should be.
I certainly think Brandt/ would have won
the Gatwick Handicap, but I suppose the
bottle is getting low, and is being reserved
in case the Cambridgeshire is run on a cold
day ! And that brings me to the considera-
tion of this great race. I do not propose
to analyse the form of all the horses, but
will devote my attention to a few of the
likely ones—who should feel complimented
thereat (I suppose a horse, can feel a com-
pliment just as well as it can a whip)—from
which might spring the winner. First and
foremost, then, Zai^ec/te has, inmy opinion,
enough weight te carry, even if the jockey
is included, as I believe is the case—and 1
was told by Sir Charley Whiteley, that
to win the Newmarket Oaks she had to be
" bustled up "—a fashion which I thought
had quite gone out!—anyhow, many people
think she is " not the same mare she was "
—though how they can have changed her
I don't quite understand, but it would not
surprise me to find Windgall the best of
the Baron's on the day.
There are several horses spoken of as
"rods in pickle," but as a rule, these
animals stop at "rods" and never get to
" poles " much less " perches!" Should
Sir J as. Miller win the race, the town may
resound with many a merry Jb'del, but this
is trying weather for voices, though I believe
he is running untried, but certainly trying!
There was some doubt as to the starting of
a great favourite, owing to a report that the
owner had been forestalled"—an excuse
which always sounds very weak to me, as
surely if outsiders can back a horse at a
long price, the owner should also be able to
do so, and thus put backers "in the cart"
—where some of them would present a pic-
ture which might lead people to think the
"cart" was on its way to Tyburn ! There
appears to be considerable doubt as to
whether Buccaneer has eaten anything
lately or not, so I must discard him ; but I
think if he were given a sherry and bitters
at once he might recover his appetite and
win, as he is known to be'1 a " glutton " for
work! Jewitt's best will take some beating,
when we know which it is, which we shall
do shortly, as no stable is more ready than
this to let everyone into the secret of their
"good things;", so if some Whisperer
should tell ,'you that his Suspender is
broken, it is on the cards that the Pensioner
may still be able to walk home in safety!
But enough of this (as your readers will
doubtless say!)—andletus come to the point
as the knife said to the pencil—so I will
conclude by recommending a4' maximum "
on my choice, and as it is a foreign one,
I must necessarily break out into foreign
poetry—(just as easy to—),
Yours devotedly, Lady Gay.
Cambridgeshire Selection.
Le type leplus " noir " dans le monde,
Le nomme, on dit, Le Chouan!
Mais, roule au dessous de l'onde,
Devient "Blanc" comme Kairouan!
TO ASTR/EA.
( Who would have me show 7ier my hand.)
Too pretty Palmist, oh, refrain,
Nor thus my Destinies importune
To bare the map of trite and plain
Misfortune.
Methinks, that I, sweet sorceress,
Whose weird persuasions fascinate us,
Can read my stars without express
Afflatus.
"J'm o'er ambitious"—more than true ;
To fail, the lot of clever men 'tis.
Who's not a genius in his two-
And-twenties.
(Iro?/r two-and-twenties bide above,
While mine—I'm in the sere and yellow-
But I was once the model of
A fellow.)
"My line of head
is vague ; note
quite
Doivn in the
depths, no to
past the sky-
line"—
Hard lines! The line that sways a kite
Is my line.
" My line of heart is insecure—"
Let " x" be hearts; to render scarce " x,"
Let " I "-s divide it _; eyes are your
Unfair sex.
" My love will ne'er endure : " you wrong
My passion : sooth,',it will, if you're it:
Yet stay: to wed P—I couldn't long
Endure it.
"My line of life is slurred and queer."
It always was—a hankey-pankey
Of glories missed—a fine eareer,
But manque.
So there, forbear to spell my fate;
I've saved you that sibylline trouble;
You could but this true estimate
Redouble.
Still, if you clasp my hand, and plead,
And, pouting, claim your second-sight, it
May chance that though you may not read,
You '11 write it.
WAS, IS, AND WILL BE.
(Three Periods of Biography.)
Past {Historical). — General Simeon
Snookes was one of the greatest Com-
manders that ever figured in an European
war. His defence of Herren-Bayoz, in
1796, will be long remembered by those
of his grateful countrymen who feared
that the Corsican upstart would get the
upper hand in the semi-fraternal struggle
in the Portugo-Hispanian Peninsula. A
service nearly as important was performed
when Snookes (then a Colonel), led the
forlorn hope that gave Pegge Well Bey
(the Turkish conqueror) into the grasping
hands of the British Government. Yet
still another victory was scored when
Captain Snookes forced the gates of Ram
and Mar, and brought the proud Earls of
the Five Free Ports to their knees and
their senses. That he should have received
the freedom of the City of London was as
it should have ; been, and it must have
been gratifying to his sorrowing friends
and relatives that Royalty itself should
have been represented at his obsequies.
His fame as a victorious General will
never fade, and although his private life
may have been uninteresting, his connec-
tion with the noble family of De Scrog •
gyns will for ever gain for him the respect
of his fellow-countrymen.
Present (Anecdotal). — General
Snookes—better known in the last cen-
tury as "Simple Simon"—was a most
interesting personage. Of his military
career it is unnecessary to speak, as it
was extremely commonplace, and void of
incident. He was a petit maitre—and
numerous tales are told of his gallantry.
On one occasion, meeting Lady Bessie
Frizzyhead^ on the Green at Turnham,
he called attention to the fairness of the
sunset. 4' Quite like cream, Lady Bessie,"
said the old beau, taking a pinch of snuff.
" Whipped, you mean," replied the mali-
cious maiden, with a smile. "Simple
Simon " simpered, but never forgave the
liberty. At another time the General was
speaking to the late Duke of York, when
that illustrious personage commanded the
British Army. "I say, Simmy," ex-
claimed H.R.H., "if the French invade
us, you must look after Number One."
"You mean, Sir," was the prompt
answer, "Number One Hundred and
One ! " The King, hearing this anecdote
a little later, made "Simple Simon"
his extra Equerry. But perhaps the best
story of all was that told of his inter-
view with Dean Swift. " I propose lis-
tening to your Reverence on Sunday,"
said the simple one. "Oh, indeed!"
replied the sarcastic ecclesiastic^ "Then
we shall have a case of a Gulliver come
to judgment! " Many other good stories
are told of this General, whose career was
rather in the drawing-room than in the
field of glory. He died in 1825, and was
buried in Westminster Abbey. At his
funeral there was a large assemblage of
the best-known people of the day, _ and
amongst them the Editor of the National
Defender. 44 Sic transit gloria,'' said some-
one. 44 Mundi ! " added the journalist.
Future (Conjectural). — Snookes,
Simeon. No one knows who this person
was, but it is shrewdly conjectured that
he may have had some official connection
(possibly as a Government contractor)
with one of the ancient wars. As his
monument is defaced, and there are no
records of his family, it is useless to
attempt to make his biography any fuller.
197
LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS.
Mount Street, Grosvenor Square.
Dear Mr. Punch,—Most delightful
(Weather favoured us last week at Gatwick
and Sandown, and most of the horses I
mentioned as worth following either finished
nowhere or were not there at all, which I
think is a fair average record for a Turf
prophet! I heard at Sandownthat sweeping
reforms are to be expected in Turf matters
next Season, but I will not harp too much
on this string, as more able pens than mine
have undertaken it—though how a '' pen "
can harp on a string I don't quite see—or
hear, it should be.
I certainly think Brandt/ would have won
the Gatwick Handicap, but I suppose the
bottle is getting low, and is being reserved
in case the Cambridgeshire is run on a cold
day ! And that brings me to the considera-
tion of this great race. I do not propose
to analyse the form of all the horses, but
will devote my attention to a few of the
likely ones—who should feel complimented
thereat (I suppose a horse, can feel a com-
pliment just as well as it can a whip)—from
which might spring the winner. First and
foremost, then, Zai^ec/te has, inmy opinion,
enough weight te carry, even if the jockey
is included, as I believe is the case—and 1
was told by Sir Charley Whiteley, that
to win the Newmarket Oaks she had to be
" bustled up "—a fashion which I thought
had quite gone out!—anyhow, many people
think she is " not the same mare she was "
—though how they can have changed her
I don't quite understand, but it would not
surprise me to find Windgall the best of
the Baron's on the day.
There are several horses spoken of as
"rods in pickle," but as a rule, these
animals stop at "rods" and never get to
" poles " much less " perches!" Should
Sir J as. Miller win the race, the town may
resound with many a merry Jb'del, but this
is trying weather for voices, though I believe
he is running untried, but certainly trying!
There was some doubt as to the starting of
a great favourite, owing to a report that the
owner had been forestalled"—an excuse
which always sounds very weak to me, as
surely if outsiders can back a horse at a
long price, the owner should also be able to
do so, and thus put backers "in the cart"
—where some of them would present a pic-
ture which might lead people to think the
"cart" was on its way to Tyburn ! There
appears to be considerable doubt as to
whether Buccaneer has eaten anything
lately or not, so I must discard him ; but I
think if he were given a sherry and bitters
at once he might recover his appetite and
win, as he is known to be'1 a " glutton " for
work! Jewitt's best will take some beating,
when we know which it is, which we shall
do shortly, as no stable is more ready than
this to let everyone into the secret of their
"good things;", so if some Whisperer
should tell ,'you that his Suspender is
broken, it is on the cards that the Pensioner
may still be able to walk home in safety!
But enough of this (as your readers will
doubtless say!)—andletus come to the point
as the knife said to the pencil—so I will
conclude by recommending a4' maximum "
on my choice, and as it is a foreign one,
I must necessarily break out into foreign
poetry—(just as easy to—),
Yours devotedly, Lady Gay.
Cambridgeshire Selection.
Le type leplus " noir " dans le monde,
Le nomme, on dit, Le Chouan!
Mais, roule au dessous de l'onde,
Devient "Blanc" comme Kairouan!
TO ASTR/EA.
( Who would have me show 7ier my hand.)
Too pretty Palmist, oh, refrain,
Nor thus my Destinies importune
To bare the map of trite and plain
Misfortune.
Methinks, that I, sweet sorceress,
Whose weird persuasions fascinate us,
Can read my stars without express
Afflatus.
"J'm o'er ambitious"—more than true ;
To fail, the lot of clever men 'tis.
Who's not a genius in his two-
And-twenties.
(Iro?/r two-and-twenties bide above,
While mine—I'm in the sere and yellow-
But I was once the model of
A fellow.)
"My line of head
is vague ; note
quite
Doivn in the
depths, no to
past the sky-
line"—
Hard lines! The line that sways a kite
Is my line.
" My line of heart is insecure—"
Let " x" be hearts; to render scarce " x,"
Let " I "-s divide it _; eyes are your
Unfair sex.
" My love will ne'er endure : " you wrong
My passion : sooth,',it will, if you're it:
Yet stay: to wed P—I couldn't long
Endure it.
"My line of life is slurred and queer."
It always was—a hankey-pankey
Of glories missed—a fine eareer,
But manque.
So there, forbear to spell my fate;
I've saved you that sibylline trouble;
You could but this true estimate
Redouble.
Still, if you clasp my hand, and plead,
And, pouting, claim your second-sight, it
May chance that though you may not read,
You '11 write it.
WAS, IS, AND WILL BE.
(Three Periods of Biography.)
Past {Historical). — General Simeon
Snookes was one of the greatest Com-
manders that ever figured in an European
war. His defence of Herren-Bayoz, in
1796, will be long remembered by those
of his grateful countrymen who feared
that the Corsican upstart would get the
upper hand in the semi-fraternal struggle
in the Portugo-Hispanian Peninsula. A
service nearly as important was performed
when Snookes (then a Colonel), led the
forlorn hope that gave Pegge Well Bey
(the Turkish conqueror) into the grasping
hands of the British Government. Yet
still another victory was scored when
Captain Snookes forced the gates of Ram
and Mar, and brought the proud Earls of
the Five Free Ports to their knees and
their senses. That he should have received
the freedom of the City of London was as
it should have ; been, and it must have
been gratifying to his sorrowing friends
and relatives that Royalty itself should
have been represented at his obsequies.
His fame as a victorious General will
never fade, and although his private life
may have been uninteresting, his connec-
tion with the noble family of De Scrog •
gyns will for ever gain for him the respect
of his fellow-countrymen.
Present (Anecdotal). — General
Snookes—better known in the last cen-
tury as "Simple Simon"—was a most
interesting personage. Of his military
career it is unnecessary to speak, as it
was extremely commonplace, and void of
incident. He was a petit maitre—and
numerous tales are told of his gallantry.
On one occasion, meeting Lady Bessie
Frizzyhead^ on the Green at Turnham,
he called attention to the fairness of the
sunset. 4' Quite like cream, Lady Bessie,"
said the old beau, taking a pinch of snuff.
" Whipped, you mean," replied the mali-
cious maiden, with a smile. "Simple
Simon " simpered, but never forgave the
liberty. At another time the General was
speaking to the late Duke of York, when
that illustrious personage commanded the
British Army. "I say, Simmy," ex-
claimed H.R.H., "if the French invade
us, you must look after Number One."
"You mean, Sir," was the prompt
answer, "Number One Hundred and
One ! " The King, hearing this anecdote
a little later, made "Simple Simon"
his extra Equerry. But perhaps the best
story of all was that told of his inter-
view with Dean Swift. " I propose lis-
tening to your Reverence on Sunday,"
said the simple one. "Oh, indeed!"
replied the sarcastic ecclesiastic^ "Then
we shall have a case of a Gulliver come
to judgment! " Many other good stories
are told of this General, whose career was
rather in the drawing-room than in the
field of glory. He died in 1825, and was
buried in Westminster Abbey. At his
funeral there was a large assemblage of
the best-known people of the day, _ and
amongst them the Editor of the National
Defender. 44 Sic transit gloria,'' said some-
one. 44 Mundi ! " added the journalist.
Future (Conjectural). — Snookes,
Simeon. No one knows who this person
was, but it is shrewdly conjectured that
he may have had some official connection
(possibly as a Government contractor)
with one of the ancient wars. As his
monument is defaced, and there are no
records of his family, it is useless to
attempt to make his biography any fuller.