Punch / Almanack: Punch / Almanack (1843)

*eVeiHh BlR rece*ve<* its name from scptem, seven, because it wm the
prfc?gC{j "^th. Consequently, no Roman.haberdasher would have ex-
Is Qoi 1 *chaelmas-day next by .29—9—43. In September, (perhaps thi«
hftVe b 6nerally known), Autumn begins. This word some conjecture u»
^^^^^derfved frovaiautwno, to think, because in Autumn we begin

to think—about fires. September's sign is Libra, the Balance, a type
of the equinox, when the hours of the day and night represent, arith-
metically, the conscientiousness of whig and tory; there being just
six of one and half-a-dozen of the other—multiplied by two.

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St. Giles. The Marquis of Waterford makes a pilgrimage to his

shrine in the " Holy Land."

London burnt, 1666. England wishing to improve her metro-
polis, a fire razes the capital.

12 Sbunbap after trinity.

Tnttzcr v. Tints. '• The governor" of " the Son of Apollo" requires the costs out
Of pocket. "The Son " calls for a trifle—say .f 10- Twits gives it, as " he's not the
man to be robbed with impunity."

Disturbances at Oxford, 1830. Put down by a few good
" Sizers.'"

Parliament meets for the first time under Sir Robert Peel s

Ministry, 1841—with improved behaviour.

Dr. Johnson born, 1709. The little dog-star " Bozzy " after-
wards appears in conjunction with " Ursa Major."

Ophelia has just seen a " beauty of a cachinere." Scipio arfis if she
made of money ? " Mother-in-law Spike remarks, " that he has m
spend on masquerades, if not on his poor wife."

United States, first so stylfd, 1776. You haven't 8ucn a
tiling as a sovereign about you—have you?

Skunirag after Wrn'tg.

Lord Thurlow died, 1806,—being too good a judge to do so
before.

Doncaster Races. Sir Robert Peel's Commissioner out of In-

come Tax carries off the Ledger ! Vates.

P°x died, 1806. After " making right1' for the country, he was

" run to earth."

Moscow burnt, 1812—Napoleon's fingers.

Spike havinpr oy chance forgotten to take up the ^£40 bill due yesterday, Twits is
called upon to pay. Twits vows he won't. Mother-in-law Spike, pointing to Ophe-
"a, inquires if " the man has a heart ? "

^•43 aft. Mercury Sets—the Barometer, of course,

14 Sbuntjag after ®rtnttp.

George the First crosses from Hanover to England, 1714. A

small piece of German metal passes for an English Crown.
New University of Gottingen, founded 1737—for " chopping
logic," and cramming " small Germans."

first Stone of the Edinburgh Exchange laid, 1753. Query,
heing a national undertaking—was it stone brimstone 9

Lord Mayor and Aldermen visit the Blue-coat School—
generally with Wood at their head.

^'ts having received a goose, Johanna accuses tha Pug of stealing the giblets,
"tother-in-law Spike " could almost swear she saw A 42 taking home a pie."

Post-Office opened, 1829. Since the introduction of the
Penny Post Stamps, it lias bccome the Queen's-head quarters.

15 Sbuntrap after TOnttg.

Belgians beat the Dutch, 1830—the Dutch forces being
t°° heavy in the rear.

1lUam the Second crowned, 1087. This Bill was accepted,
not noted.

W 1 det 8ends a pink note and a shawl to Mrs. Twits. Scipio vows " he'll return
both/* Ophelia asks if " he wants to kill her."

heMffs bworn in. The officers of ditto invite the " bodies " in
^ lW custody to tea—without the customary " turn-out."

d*t-Lohd Mayor m-hcthd. The Corporation of London go out before
. to choose a goose, and elect the Lord Mayor.

"^ttest of Feargus O'Connor previous to a " Chartist Demon-
StRat)on" 1842. Quod erat demonstrandum.



/

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Thoughts on thb 29th of September.'—It is Michaelmas
Day. We shall have goose for dinner. What a beautiful
thing is reast goose, with applesauce; and oh ! with sage
and onions! How delightful the odour which, long before
the sweet bird is fully dressed, ascends from the regions of
the kitchen. Delicious fowl! it seems almost cannibalism
to eat thee.

Notes op the Month.—The astral illuminations of
Vauxhall are eclipsed by the pluvial inferences; and the
gardensoncemoreclose "for good," which, considering how
very often they have opened for bad, is but fair. Mr. Jones
again moves into the second house on the 29th, and all he
sees of a goose on that day is the quill, with which he wri tes
a label to leave on his door " Hack in an hour." Desola-
tion broods over Smithfield on St. Bartholomew; but the
ingress of Aries and Taurus from the Continent counteracts
the deficiency.

To cut up a Goose.—If any difficulty is experienced in
catching a goose, or nobody has cooked your own for you,
wait until the Marquis of Londonderry publishes a new
work. Then review it honestly, and you will have cut up
the goose. The sage will be very difficult to find.

Oyster Sauce for Taverns—Take a go of thin gruel.
Heat it in a saucepan, and then add three raw oysters.
Servo in a butter boat, and garnish with a few blacks.

Sporting.—"Gents" are particularly recommended to
put the powder into their guns before the shot, and to with-
draw ramrods from barrels previously to firing. The first of
these directions may be reversed when the " Gents" form a
shooting party; which will be a sure way to avoid accidents.
In this case, also, the removal of each other's percussion
caps, or the pouring of beer into flint locks, will be found
excellent sport, and likewise conduce to general safety.
N.B. Geese, ducks, and barn-door fowls may not be shot
without special licence from their proprietors.

Legal Hint.—In an action of ejectment the outgoing
party, who receives notice to quit behind his back, cannot
plead tender.

A parliamentary speech is not evidence, but a speech by
Mr. Ferrand is primd facie evidence of the exact contrary
of what it asserts.

Interest Table.—The table which is best adapted for
calculating interest is the dinner table. If you keep a good
one, the interest taken by your friends will be propor-
tionably large. A haunch of venison Becures a veiy high
rate of interest, but tne coupons from cold viands are
generally thought little of, and few people take the trouble
to come for the dividends.

Lip Salve.—This is made by simmering together equal
quantities of deception and soft soap, with a portion of
essence of tin. Pour in a few drops of tincture of humbug
to flavour it, and strain through a cant sieve. It is excel-
lent to correct crudities of speech.

Bill Stamps.— For a dishonoured bill returned upon
your hands, several stamps with your foot.

For a promissory note never intended to be paid, the
giver stamps himself as a cheat.

'Ihe acceptances of certain extravagant lords are to bt
considered as securities of the very lowest stamp.

Astronomical.—The constellation Punch will dazzle the
world every Saturday, appearing first in Wellington-street,
and traversing the whole kingdom in tbe course of eight-
and-forty hours.

!IJr

(twits column?!

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