Punch / Almanack (1844)

THE COMPLIMENTS

SEASON.

-,f. f.r | 6ch of January, 1622, King; James I., riding out on horseback
be U\ner' l"tche(l head foremost into the New lliver. Nothing coulil |
wa* ,.i" ??'es °f bis Majesty's boots. Sir Richard Youns;, who

nose to the kia^, obeying the impulse of humauity, pushed one of

MONTHLY REMARKS.

The Season.
The season will prove un-
settled in many quarters
which were due on the pre-
vious rent-day. Clowns com-
mence to sing about this
time in lane and garden :
and hot codlins are trie fruit
most in season.

Note.

By a mean temperature is
I meant, the heat of fires paid
for by the day, in second-
_! floor lodgings.

To t'I??* '° tie borne in Mind in January.
iayth'® your servants on New-year's
child,* ^°-u are not at home to your god-

lI" they come to see you.
the 0) "°lK\ays do not end until about
st: up to this time it is best to t

understand that all the panto-
mimes are very bad and not worth
seeing.

Those who have not been
accustomed to keep books
should now begin to do so,
and open accounts accord-
ingly. By this means, it
is possible you may collect a
handsome library by the end
of the year.

Hints for Dramatic Authors.

Prune off shoots of the
French stage, and transplant
Vaudevilles against the sea-
son. Dig up old plots, and
nail managers. Drill supers,
plant friends in pits, and
tram slips to applaud.

the grooms in waiting into the river to assist his Majesty. James had been with a tastin"
order to the London Docks in the morning; and the best-informed historians are of opinion
that the accident was the result of the visit. The king was so annoyed at the ciicumstance that
I he never touched water (except for ablutionary purposes) during the remainder of his reigi).

1 - -

MONTHLY REMARKS

Aphorisms.

The thermometer falls with the extension of day.

So, with the diffusion of enlightenment, descends
the sliding scale.

Effects of the lVeather.

The tiles are iioary. The cocked hat of Lord
Nelson is crested with snow. The wig of George
the Third is powdered, and Major
Cartwright, suffering from his ex-
posed situation, applies to the
Parish for the privilege of tallowing
his nose, and putting his feet in
warm water.

Advice to Debtors.

Remember to give strict
crders that you will not be " at
home" for some time—espe-
cially to any top-boots, or blue-

bags, foryou may find, after
proposing to read your cre-
ditors' bills that day six
months, that in the event of
your endeavouring to make
a motion in favour of Bou-
logne, the sheriff will walkin
and divide iAe/iowsewithyou.

Moral Reflections.

Who can pronounce the
name of January without
one passing thought of its
dividends? And"who, un-
possessed of capital, can

think of them without a i

sigh 1 Ah ! how many omnibus loads of
happiness will go from Paddington to
the Bank on Plough-Monday 1

Mo

ON THE WINTER QUARTER.

^Pied*)? us that this quarter commences in the sixth house, oc-

n H., but it most probably does the same at every other house n
exn„' .w,h"e rent is payable. Violent electrical excitements may
n(lav during the holidays, at the Polytechnic; and on ■

1'rifr . ,"'°rms disturb the domestic atmosphere. On the /tn,

68 ca|omel—Moon is under the influence of Mercury, [stt.
t&ble . ' Herschell is in conjunction with Pisces, at his owr. oinner-
' ^ the 1st, and China suffers from the oppression of lurtey, ^
about the same time.

mm

ODDS AND ENDS.

Prudent families ought this month to look up old gloves, and
see what will clean up for evening parties. "General invitations " may
be given at all times by persons of stingy disposition advantageously;
because they may be proffered with much warmth, but are sure never
to be accepted.

Monthly Farming Operations.

Set your boys to thrash grain ; and if you find them had in grain,
thrash the boys also. Pull out your plough to be ready for Plough-
Monday. Look to the horns of your cows, to take care they don't
get "crumpled."

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iTiu

A.D. 1810. A basket is found,
knocker of the door of the Morning
Jenkins," and a plated teaspoon

by Snore the watchman, at midnight,

The basket contains an inlant, laDeiiea

Post.

TJnfortu-
Clouds,"

tied to the

He *»nt, labellef

marked with a ducal crown and the cipher K.
- — — kins to tne workhouse.

«-• Burke b. 1730. \VL>o, like Gunter the confectioner, " Gave
up to parties what was meant for mankind."

Kins of Prussia builds a theatre for the Greek plays in the open air, 1843. I
nately preceded by Rouse, whose Grecian Saloon is nightly filled with "The '
though not by Aristophanes.

io-auia Reduces tiik Interest op her National Debt from 5 to 4 ter cent
*830. Sir Peter Laurie, with his usual philanthropy, proposes a benefit ball for the
reduced consols.*'

•D'U-k-e op York n. 1827. Tc commemorate the credit, he had with his countrymen,
a column is run up, which ends with a very heavy figure.

•G"ite^t Storm 1830. Rained mutton-pies, i. e. cats and dogs.

1 Sbunfcag after lEptpljang.

Plough Monday. Albert, the " Prince of British Farmers, lias

his annual cut into the English soil.

The French entered Holland, 1794. Young France went into

pinafores, 1843. , „

The English paid to evacuate

Canton, 1842. They take " tea
and turn out." , , ' .

1816; The boy Jenkins enters the charity school, becomes a ripe scholar, and carries
°u the prize leather-breeches.

Linn/eus d. 1778. Science crowns him with a wreath of Botany
Bays.

> Persons apply to bk admitted^^"^atwe be admiite'i/

^ Moral Reflection—

^-las I How often must the depravity <

2 Sbunlmg after IBptpfjann.

moueae e. 1620. Founded the French Drama, which has since

founded the English Dramatic Authors' Society.

Clock too fast 10 m. St. Clement's Church clock 1 h. 30 m.

too alow.

Franklin d. 1790. Born fro omnibus, and was the first of
Cloud's conductors.

20. Jenkins, having finished his English education, is hired to wash and comb
poodles, at Sip. Gamonetti's dancing-dog depfJt, and, when wanted, to make one in
a cotillon. Picks up and puts by a few bits of broken Italian.

A Quantity of Fireworks discovered in the organ at Wurtemberg, 1843. Weill
If the organ had taken fire, they surely might have put it out hy playing upon it.

Mr. Williams resigns contest for Professorship of Poetry at Oxford,
1843. Having received the support of Mr. Satan Montgomery, he thinks he cannot
do better, and knows he cannot do verse.

3 Sbtmifag after lEptp&anp.

Lord Byuon b. 1788. Thorwalsden cuts him, and tho Dean and
Chapter of Westminster shut their doors against liini.

Take pot-luck at Windsor,
and find it muXbeU^JaiThan they left behind them.

Tub Dorrs op Saxe Cnmnw arrive in England 1r42.

1822. Jenkins moves, on increased wages

ourahlishnient tor close cottages, in uranDO!.ri
makes hhnself master of the « World of Fashion.

to Madame Chips' Magasin dea Modes
Cranbourn Alley ; and, though errandr-boy,

The Mac•

Father Mathew promises to visit Scotland, 1842.
intoslies pass a resolution not to imbibe water.

The Brazils discovered MOB. The African sugar slaves are made to know the
sweets of labour—and get the cane.

Moon farthest from the Earth. Our Sheriff F. G. takes his
evening cheroot on the tiles.

4 jbuntiag after ISptpfmnp.

George the "I And left a statue at which critics rail,

Third died 1820, J To point a moral and to point a tail.

Charles the First lost his Head and his Crown, 1649. Some

kings have lost the one, but kept the other.

Cato took poison 46 b.c. La! British brandy wasn't the»
invented. „ „

I!