Punch / Almanack: Punch / Almanack (1845)

A

TJ

The Meeting of the Agricultural Association.

"] "e1 numerous robberies op attornejs' chambers in lincoln's INN.

F | The thieves claiming the projerty as the lawyers' next of kin.
O Q 1Mb. S. Buckingham hemes in tue Times his connection with

^ O i THE FAILURE of hi3 NKItiUDOUH WhITMARSH. Mr. S. B. Stating

^ l^tintiap [that -be Institute U not next door to bankruptcy.

4-w The thieves' haunt in Wkst-btreet, bazed. The ground being
IV* a capital plot for a Newgate novelist to build three stories upon.
c Monster Train. Yesf-rday a carriage containing one passenger left
0 1XJ the terminus of the Kensington Railway !

6\xt Proposals to regulate the number op passengers on steamers
VV Rather premature. Why not wait till a boat-load goes to the bottom ?

7rp Dr. Lamb, aged SO, has lived and brought up a family on vegk
, 1H table diet. Ha! we see: "Lamb and greens."

8-j-, The Ministerial White-bait dinner. Brougham, being a good
_T boy, whb allowed to come in with the dessert.
^ q Novel Punishment. A young lady, having married her father's foot-
y O man, was lately sentenced to Mrs. Ellis' Wives of England for a
i r\ ~m a. .~>-__ [twelvemonth, and hard labour too

LOS tount,a£-

, -. The D. of Richmond obtains a JCbO Prize fob a Broken-winded
LI M. House. Here's a joke ready made, and what's better a roarer/

. _ ^ 500 bottlenoski) whales appear in scapa bay. The bottle-noses

\_2t lU probably on their way to Cork.

rt AN elephant sold by auction at the St. katharine's docks. We

[ 3 vV should like to know the auctioneer strong enough to knock him down.

Clothwobkebs' Comp. present Sib R. Peel with the livery. Sir
[ A r\\\ R. having turned bis coat so often, the Co. thought he wanted a new one.

The Coarrxer Francais says," the tail of the comet is only one foot long ;'*
I K "p showing that there is hkely to be a short crop of comets.

Wicked but ingenious fraud. A pool woman haviug sent a little
I £ Q child to the public-house tor the loan of a newspaper, the heartless
landlord (rave the infant the Morning Herald.

17

18
jl9
20
21
122
!23
i24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31

a iSunOap.

iThe Times says, "Tbb Circassian war has now lasted mohrtitan
_M 60 years," whilst the bullets have gone through many sent'ries.

r|i Ld. ltosSK completes the polishing tuk lens of his tklkscope

XU I Saturn rubs up his rings, to cut as great a shine as possible. f

,,j-lEVKRY debtor in liverpool gaol released under brougha m'B

W act. Under Lord Brougham's tuition, the debtors decline quod.

The Salem Gazette announces the " arrival of a female ourang-outa.ug,
who smokes cigars." When a widow, she can smoke her own weeds.
Popular fallacy. It is a vulgar belief, which cannot be too soon ex-
ploded, that a cab fare is Sd. per mile.
Strange, if true. A lady had a duck which, hearing it was to be
killed for dinner, walked into the garden, and deliberately stuffed
SunDap [itself with sage and onions.

A holiday at "Westminster, commanded on thebirtu opa prince.
[Father >oq.] All ! these great 'uns are always abridging the less 'una
(lessons.)

Speaker's Hoosr sold in lots, previous to being pulled down.

The auctioneer having put the question, the house comes to a division
Loud Brougham undertakes to present all insolvents' peti-
tions under j£20. "Small parcels carefully delivered."

St. auflustlne, B.
St. 3ot)n Baptist, B.

Absence of mind. A gentleman in a hurry to get to t> e Bimk,p;ot into
an omnibus at Chariug Cross, and was in it two 1 ours before he dis-
. (covered his mistake.

SurtDaj.

Th

F

S

Sb

M

Tu

W

Th

F

S

Sb

Bubbles of tbe Year.—The Agricultural Prize Labourer receiving a Stone and a Hammer.

HOW TO TELL THE DAY OK THK WEEK.

Ring for the cook to bring up the joint. If it is rather low cut, you
may infer it is Wednesday or Thursday; if it is reduced to a state of
hash, you may be certain it is Friday or Saturday. There can be no
mistake about the Sunday, if the joint is produced smoking hot and
entire, and followed up by a pie or pudding. Another good plan is to
refer to the state of your finances. Gold will tell you that it is just the
beginning ; silver, that it must be about the middle ; and coppers, that
you certainly have arrived at the terminus of the week.

A FEW WORDS TO THE LAUNDRESS BY ONE OK THE TRIBE.

Don't never wash for a two-pair back,if so be you can help it. He's
sure to miss one of his two shirts when you takes home the basket.
Squares is good, and so is Terraces if they 're opulent, as they don't
go to Tea Gardens on Sundays, and so can't have their feelings hurt
by seeing you in their silks and muslins (which, in course, you've sent

to a wrong party) at the Condick, or Copinghagen, where you may
take 'em to air 'em.

LEFT-OFF CLOTHES.

Good housewives instead of giving their husbands' old clothes to
poor relations, or necessitous neighbours, exchange them for china
ornaments and black velvet chimney-sweeps. Mrs. I)ix, of Prospect-
place, assures us, that she has elegantly decorated her mantel-piece
with two old hats, a black satin waistcoat, and a monkey-jacket.

EXPORTATION OF BRIDES.

Mothers with a multitude of daughters should divide the favours of
their family fairly between their native country and the colonies. Thus
those daughters who are blessed with aquilines and raven trusses
will be found admirably adapted for Home consumption, whilst snubs
and doubtful auburns should be devoted to the Indian market.
N.B.—Squints will do for Canada.__