Punch / Almanack (1846)

PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOR 1846.

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SONG OF JANUARY.

(aptis tJk rosT BCJJ.)

When other months amid the range

Of Time's revolving year,
Exhibit symptoms of a change

From what they should appear ;
Though April fails to bring her showers ;

Though March is mild and tame;
Though May forgets her buds and flowers,

You '11 find me still the same.

They say that Janus sways my lot,

That 1 two faces wear;
But, let me ask them, who does not ?

In this false world of care.
Ch ! I'm a month that's always cold.

XXXI. DAYS.

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legal astronomy.

The Great Bear will sit in the lioils' Court,
and the motion of the terrestrial bodies will
be distinctly visible in a series of motions, of
course. Saturn will be perceptible over West-
minster Hall, and Pollock's Star will be in
tl e ascendant—without Castor—over the Ex-
chequer.

the origin of railways.

The first idea of Railways is of very ancient
datr, for we hear of the Great Norman line im
mediately after the Conquest.

wise measure.

Two glasses make a man lively, half a pint
makes a 11 an'merry, one pint makes a man com

And who shall dare to blame, K J I ''""able, one bottle makes a man fuddled, one

If they 're at such a moment told ^^J^^^^^^s^^^^^^^^^^yJ^/

bottles a dav make one sot.

Railway Miseries.) qut ;vith the Hounds—Meeting with Something like a Check.

Ino. r.

MR. CAUDLE'S BREAKFAST TALK.

CnAPTER I.—HOW MR. CAUDLE MARRIED MISS PRETTYMAN, AND HOW HE "NAGGED" HER TO DEATH.

in a very little time the meeting took the air of a very pleasant party. Some-

When Hakky Prettyman saw the very superb funeral of Mrs. Caitdle
—Prettyman attended as mourner, and was particularly jolly in the coach
—he observed that the disconsolate widower showed that above all men he
kne<*> h„w to make the best of a bad bargain. The remark, as the dear
deceased would have said, was unma'nly. brutal ; but quite like that Pret-
tym.a.n. The same scoffer, when Caudle declared " he should never cease
to weep," replied, " He was very sorry to hear it ; for it must raise the price
of onions." It was not enough to help to break the heart of a wife ; no ; the
savage must joke over its precious pieces.

The funeral, we repeat, was remarkably handsome: in Pretty.van's
words, nothing could be more satisfactory. Caudle spoke of a monument.
Whereupon, Prettyman suggested " Death gathering a Nettle." Caudle
—the act did equal honour to his brain and his bosom—rejected it.

Mr. Caudle, attended by many of his friends, returned to his widowed
home in tolerable spirits. Prettyman said, jocosely poking his.two fingers
in Caudle's ribs, that in a week he'd look "quite a tulip." Caudle
merely replied—he could hardly hope it.

Prktty.man's mirth, however, communicated itself to the company ; and

how. Miss Prettyman presided at the tea-table. There was in her manner
a charming mixture of grace, dignity, and confidence—a beautiful black
swan. Prettyman, by the way, whispered to a friend that there was just
this difference between Mrs Caudle and his sister—" Mrs Caudle was a
great goose, whereas Sarah was a little duck." We will i ot swear that
Caudle did not overhear the words ; for as he resignedly stirred his te.i, he
looked at the lady at the head of the table, smiled, and sighed.

It was odd ; but women are so apt! Miss Prettyman seemed as familiar
with Caudle's silver tea-pot. as with her own silver thimble. With a smile
upon her face—like the butter on the muffins—she handed Caudle his tea-
cup. Caudle would, now and then, abstractedly cast his eye above the
mantel-piece. There was Mrs. Caudle's portrait. Whereupon, .Miss
Prettyman would say, " You must take comfort, Mr. Caudle, indeed
you must." At length Mr. Caudle replied, " 1 will, Miss Prettyman."

What then passed through Caudle's brain we know not ; but this we
know: in a twelvemonth aud a week from that day, Sarah Prettyman
was Caudle's second wife. Mrs. Caudle, numbc-i two. Poor thing !