DOI issue:
Punch’s Almanack for 1850
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17039#0007
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HINTS ABOUT FIRE.
ALAV AYS use " Safety Lucifers," as they invariably tumble out of the box.
Remember the proverb, 11 It never smokes (in bed) but there's fire" If you
wish to be comfortable, never retire for the night till you've smelt all over the
house, nearly smothered your family by throwing water on the fires, made every
body go to bed without candles, knotted your sheets into a fire escape, and thrown
your feather bed and pillows into the street, to fall upon in case you should have
to jump out of the window.
Practise climbing out of your top windows over the parapet on to your roof,
from time to time, as the accomplishment will come useful In case of emergency.
Also practise descending by your sheets, in your night shirt, taking care to
avoid the area rails, and choosing a time when the streets are not crowded.
Request the policeman to knock you up frequently, that you may acquire the
habit of waking on his signal, and have the engines brought and exercised in
front of your house, from time to time, that they may become familiar with the
premises in case of fire. _
SPORT FOR LADIES.
The Duchess op A. bets the Countess
of B. that she will drive to thirty dif-
ferent shops, and purchase fifty different
articles, choose twenty several patterns,
eat two ices and a jelly, make a dozen
morning calls, and pick up a story at
each, dine, dress, and go to the Opera,
in seven hours fifty-nine minutes.—
Belle's Life in London.
THE JULY WARBLER.
The feathery choir is now nearly
silent; but the whistle of the mud-lark
is still heard on the banks of the
Thames, lie may be seen at low
Water, searching about for what he can
pick up ; and his pipe, though strong,
is not unpleasant.
The True Dog-Days.—The time of life
at which too many of us were puppies.
TO JOLLY GARDENERS.
The Rum Shrub, which is one of the
most agreeable shrubs in the shrubbery,
requires no watering all the year round.
In due time it produces a plentiful crop
of grog-blossoms.
The Highland Reel—Is performed in
the finest style by the natives of Glen-
livat, after an over-copious indulgence
in the whiskey of that ilk.
Which of their towns did the Scotch-
men leave unrepresented at the Na-
tional fete? They all came without
Brechin (breechiu').
Cutting Capers—Are likely to be per-
formed by gentlemen who rashly at-
tempt the sword dance.
An Extraordinary Husband.—A man
who never once in his life beat bis
wife, except at cribbage.
MAN'S LAST FRIEND IS THE TAX-GATHERER.
TTIS wife may leave him, his family disown him, his children run away from
" him, his best friends and worst acquaintances avoid him, but the Tax-
gatherer follows him wherever be goes, even to the grave. It must be most
flattering to an Englishman's pride, that, poor as he may be, he has always
one friend that takes care of him, and who will call without the smallest ceremony
and share his last penny loaf. Solitude and selfishness cannot exist in England,
for no man can live independent of the Tax-gatherer. His existence is a part-
nership drawn up for life, between the Government and himself, in which the
former takes what it likes, and the latter gives more than he likes. In short,
every Englishman may be said to possess' two shadows —his own genuine, true-
born shadow, and the Government presentation shadow; but there is this
difference between the two, that, whereas his own shadow merely walks after
him, the Government shadow walks into him if it is not paid the moment it
runs after him.
SPL.
a£3
n
HINTS ABOUT FIRE.
ALAV AYS use " Safety Lucifers," as they invariably tumble out of the box.
Remember the proverb, 11 It never smokes (in bed) but there's fire" If you
wish to be comfortable, never retire for the night till you've smelt all over the
house, nearly smothered your family by throwing water on the fires, made every
body go to bed without candles, knotted your sheets into a fire escape, and thrown
your feather bed and pillows into the street, to fall upon in case you should have
to jump out of the window.
Practise climbing out of your top windows over the parapet on to your roof,
from time to time, as the accomplishment will come useful In case of emergency.
Also practise descending by your sheets, in your night shirt, taking care to
avoid the area rails, and choosing a time when the streets are not crowded.
Request the policeman to knock you up frequently, that you may acquire the
habit of waking on his signal, and have the engines brought and exercised in
front of your house, from time to time, that they may become familiar with the
premises in case of fire. _
SPORT FOR LADIES.
The Duchess op A. bets the Countess
of B. that she will drive to thirty dif-
ferent shops, and purchase fifty different
articles, choose twenty several patterns,
eat two ices and a jelly, make a dozen
morning calls, and pick up a story at
each, dine, dress, and go to the Opera,
in seven hours fifty-nine minutes.—
Belle's Life in London.
THE JULY WARBLER.
The feathery choir is now nearly
silent; but the whistle of the mud-lark
is still heard on the banks of the
Thames, lie may be seen at low
Water, searching about for what he can
pick up ; and his pipe, though strong,
is not unpleasant.
The True Dog-Days.—The time of life
at which too many of us were puppies.
TO JOLLY GARDENERS.
The Rum Shrub, which is one of the
most agreeable shrubs in the shrubbery,
requires no watering all the year round.
In due time it produces a plentiful crop
of grog-blossoms.
The Highland Reel—Is performed in
the finest style by the natives of Glen-
livat, after an over-copious indulgence
in the whiskey of that ilk.
Which of their towns did the Scotch-
men leave unrepresented at the Na-
tional fete? They all came without
Brechin (breechiu').
Cutting Capers—Are likely to be per-
formed by gentlemen who rashly at-
tempt the sword dance.
An Extraordinary Husband.—A man
who never once in his life beat bis
wife, except at cribbage.
MAN'S LAST FRIEND IS THE TAX-GATHERER.
TTIS wife may leave him, his family disown him, his children run away from
" him, his best friends and worst acquaintances avoid him, but the Tax-
gatherer follows him wherever be goes, even to the grave. It must be most
flattering to an Englishman's pride, that, poor as he may be, he has always
one friend that takes care of him, and who will call without the smallest ceremony
and share his last penny loaf. Solitude and selfishness cannot exist in England,
for no man can live independent of the Tax-gatherer. His existence is a part-
nership drawn up for life, between the Government and himself, in which the
former takes what it likes, and the latter gives more than he likes. In short,
every Englishman may be said to possess' two shadows —his own genuine, true-
born shadow, and the Government presentation shadow; but there is this
difference between the two, that, whereas his own shadow merely walks after
him, the Government shadow walks into him if it is not paid the moment it
runs after him.
SPL.
a£3