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PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOE
the height OF anarchy.
If the Communists and Socialists
were to get the upper hand, and as-
sert their anti-conjugal principles,
we should indeed be at the mercy
of an unhridal'd democracy.
A Quarrelsome Neighbourhood.
—In the most quiet Squares, if not
scolding, there is always railing at
the area.
Vegetarianism Extraordinary.
—An enthusiast so detests the very
name of animal food, that he re-
fuses to partake of kidney beans.
Medical.—When a patient re-
quires quiet, send him to Coventry.
Effects of Drinking.—He who
takes too many glasses will become
himself a tumbler.
The Last Link.—An aged capi-
talist remarked, with a sigh, " I take
no more interest in this world than
ten per cent."
" A Rising Man."—The Veteran
Green.
A Conveyance from which a
Release is Desirable—A cab or
omnibus in which a traveller has
been upset.
University Terms may be ascer-
tained on application to the fathers
of the under-graduates.
British Museum,'—Reading Room
open from 9 to 4. If you want to
find a book in the Catalogue it will
be 10 to 1.
A Conundrum for Little Boys.
—Why is a naughty boy that's being
flogged, like an artist who is taking
a view of Westminster Abbey ?—Be-
cause he's catching it (sketching it).
True Freedom. — The patriot,
Brutus, could endure no yolk but
that of an egg.
" A Warm Reception." — Any
fashionably crowded soirSe in the
dog-days.
MAY DAY.
Distressing Position of a Sentimental Gentleman, who was about to offer his
Hand and Heart to the object of his Affections.
confession of an actor.
Dr. Johnson, at Mr. Thrale's,
mentioning that he had once pawned
his Milton, Garrick, who was also
present, said he had often spouted
his Shakspeare.
A Word about Wine.—The port
thiit is said to have been twenty
v? u s in bottle is often elder.
Old English Sport.— The fairest
cock-fight is fowl play.
The Doctor's best Friend.—The
piano—for a young lady no sooner
goes near one in society, than she's
immediately seized with a cold.
Museum.—An index to the book of
Nature.
British and Foreign Policy.—
A lady has remarked that domestic
troubles are often connected with
disasters in China.
Infinitesimal Medicine.—A no-
torious quack of the Hahnemann
species professes to cure hams by
homoeopathy.
Contradictory Creatures.—We
all admire retiring Modesty in the
softer sex: and yet are captivated
by woman's Cheek.
Going too Fast.—You only out-
run the Constable to be overtaken
by the Sheriff s Oflicer.
Proverbial Fudge.—The proverb
says that Beauty is no inheritance.
Nevertheless, we often inherit our
ancestors' mugs.
A Peddling Aristocracy. — But
a few centuries ago, in the days of
falconry, our nobility and gentry
were the only licensed hawkers.
An Honest Wish. — Whatever
trials I may have to suffer, I hope
I shall never experience trial by
Jury.
" The Best of Motives."—Loco-
motives.
prize problems, (by our own cocker.) I maxims for young ladies' curl papers.
1. If three feet make a yard,— yomnibus.
you take to make a garden ? k«i|>i % whole river of words.
2. If sixty seconds make on~ ^Mf^/ >s a narrowness of mind,
sutnce to make one gigantic? _ H and your thoughts shut.
3. Reduce that very vulgar f.
to its lowest possible value. - *y7l$$>+ no turning,
4. Calculate the altitude f£l\^\ s perfect,
pudence. = VM11you know what there's in it.
5 Given-Ms proper fare: yo - ^ that breaks the tusband>s back.
cabby who s contented with it. —— , s(;rojjg tea
I or they are caught generally in
— O
CO
things.
Memorandum by a
Misanthrope. — The
milk of human kind-
ness is generally
skimmed; or, atleast,
all tlie cream in it
is turned into butter.
Very True. — A
sage has remarked
that a man attains to
the highest position
in the shortest time
by early rising.
Duty of a Hus-
band.—If you want
to marry, learn to
carve—or you will be
unfit for a lielp-mate.
Warningto Young
Ladies.—Do not too
soon pronounce your
—. CO
TO find moo
Water all the Year
Round.—Go and in-
spect the reservoir
near the top of Prim-
rose Hill.
-
— CM
o
o
c
>
o
= E
i — o
THE REASON WHY.
Mr. Punch will be happy to make the acquaintance of the
reader who can tell him,
The reason why you may ask for " greens " at a dinner-table,
but on no account for "cabbage."
The reason why gentlemen, upon their healths being drunk,
invariably feel it to be " the proudest moment of their life."
The reason why ladies think it cheap to purchase things they
don't want, simply because they happen to be "bargains."
The reason why a cabman can't take his proper fare without
grumbling.
The reason why it's not considered theft to steal an umbrella.
The reason why they invariably give you boiled mutton for
dinner in a steam-boat.
Triumph of Ho-
moeopathy.—The ef-
fects of drunkenness
may generally be re-
medied by confining
yourself to brandy,
and taking it in in-
finitesimal quantities.
Topographical
Error.—A country-
man in London says
he finds Baker Street
quite straight, where-
as he expected to see
it full of twists.
An Expensive
Rcsiness-Plant.—Of
all plants, the most
expensive one that a
tradesman can buy is
decidedly an Aloe, for
unless he lives a
hundred years he has
very little chance of
seeing any return for
his money.
Very Trying.—A
Pair of New Boots.
A Despairing
Lover. — " It's all
gone goose!" as the
fast youth said whjn
his sweetheart jilted
him.
Betting by La-
dies.—Ladies should
never bet; for though
it may turn a man
OWN HERE FOR THE HOLIDAYS?" I into a Better, it in-
THAT. I CONFESS I MISS THE GAIETY OF TOWN." wo^an worie"^ *
[E 8EA-SIDE.
the height OF anarchy.
If the Communists and Socialists
were to get the upper hand, and as-
sert their anti-conjugal principles,
we should indeed be at the mercy
of an unhridal'd democracy.
A Quarrelsome Neighbourhood.
—In the most quiet Squares, if not
scolding, there is always railing at
the area.
Vegetarianism Extraordinary.
—An enthusiast so detests the very
name of animal food, that he re-
fuses to partake of kidney beans.
Medical.—When a patient re-
quires quiet, send him to Coventry.
Effects of Drinking.—He who
takes too many glasses will become
himself a tumbler.
The Last Link.—An aged capi-
talist remarked, with a sigh, " I take
no more interest in this world than
ten per cent."
" A Rising Man."—The Veteran
Green.
A Conveyance from which a
Release is Desirable—A cab or
omnibus in which a traveller has
been upset.
University Terms may be ascer-
tained on application to the fathers
of the under-graduates.
British Museum,'—Reading Room
open from 9 to 4. If you want to
find a book in the Catalogue it will
be 10 to 1.
A Conundrum for Little Boys.
—Why is a naughty boy that's being
flogged, like an artist who is taking
a view of Westminster Abbey ?—Be-
cause he's catching it (sketching it).
True Freedom. — The patriot,
Brutus, could endure no yolk but
that of an egg.
" A Warm Reception." — Any
fashionably crowded soirSe in the
dog-days.
MAY DAY.
Distressing Position of a Sentimental Gentleman, who was about to offer his
Hand and Heart to the object of his Affections.
confession of an actor.
Dr. Johnson, at Mr. Thrale's,
mentioning that he had once pawned
his Milton, Garrick, who was also
present, said he had often spouted
his Shakspeare.
A Word about Wine.—The port
thiit is said to have been twenty
v? u s in bottle is often elder.
Old English Sport.— The fairest
cock-fight is fowl play.
The Doctor's best Friend.—The
piano—for a young lady no sooner
goes near one in society, than she's
immediately seized with a cold.
Museum.—An index to the book of
Nature.
British and Foreign Policy.—
A lady has remarked that domestic
troubles are often connected with
disasters in China.
Infinitesimal Medicine.—A no-
torious quack of the Hahnemann
species professes to cure hams by
homoeopathy.
Contradictory Creatures.—We
all admire retiring Modesty in the
softer sex: and yet are captivated
by woman's Cheek.
Going too Fast.—You only out-
run the Constable to be overtaken
by the Sheriff s Oflicer.
Proverbial Fudge.—The proverb
says that Beauty is no inheritance.
Nevertheless, we often inherit our
ancestors' mugs.
A Peddling Aristocracy. — But
a few centuries ago, in the days of
falconry, our nobility and gentry
were the only licensed hawkers.
An Honest Wish. — Whatever
trials I may have to suffer, I hope
I shall never experience trial by
Jury.
" The Best of Motives."—Loco-
motives.
prize problems, (by our own cocker.) I maxims for young ladies' curl papers.
1. If three feet make a yard,— yomnibus.
you take to make a garden ? k«i|>i % whole river of words.
2. If sixty seconds make on~ ^Mf^/ >s a narrowness of mind,
sutnce to make one gigantic? _ H and your thoughts shut.
3. Reduce that very vulgar f.
to its lowest possible value. - *y7l$$>+ no turning,
4. Calculate the altitude f£l\^\ s perfect,
pudence. = VM11you know what there's in it.
5 Given-Ms proper fare: yo - ^ that breaks the tusband>s back.
cabby who s contented with it. —— , s(;rojjg tea
I or they are caught generally in
— O
CO
things.
Memorandum by a
Misanthrope. — The
milk of human kind-
ness is generally
skimmed; or, atleast,
all tlie cream in it
is turned into butter.
Very True. — A
sage has remarked
that a man attains to
the highest position
in the shortest time
by early rising.
Duty of a Hus-
band.—If you want
to marry, learn to
carve—or you will be
unfit for a lielp-mate.
Warningto Young
Ladies.—Do not too
soon pronounce your
—. CO
TO find moo
Water all the Year
Round.—Go and in-
spect the reservoir
near the top of Prim-
rose Hill.
-
— CM
o
o
c
>
o
= E
i — o
THE REASON WHY.
Mr. Punch will be happy to make the acquaintance of the
reader who can tell him,
The reason why you may ask for " greens " at a dinner-table,
but on no account for "cabbage."
The reason why gentlemen, upon their healths being drunk,
invariably feel it to be " the proudest moment of their life."
The reason why ladies think it cheap to purchase things they
don't want, simply because they happen to be "bargains."
The reason why a cabman can't take his proper fare without
grumbling.
The reason why it's not considered theft to steal an umbrella.
The reason why they invariably give you boiled mutton for
dinner in a steam-boat.
Triumph of Ho-
moeopathy.—The ef-
fects of drunkenness
may generally be re-
medied by confining
yourself to brandy,
and taking it in in-
finitesimal quantities.
Topographical
Error.—A country-
man in London says
he finds Baker Street
quite straight, where-
as he expected to see
it full of twists.
An Expensive
Rcsiness-Plant.—Of
all plants, the most
expensive one that a
tradesman can buy is
decidedly an Aloe, for
unless he lives a
hundred years he has
very little chance of
seeing any return for
his money.
Very Trying.—A
Pair of New Boots.
A Despairing
Lover. — " It's all
gone goose!" as the
fast youth said whjn
his sweetheart jilted
him.
Betting by La-
dies.—Ladies should
never bet; for though
it may turn a man
OWN HERE FOR THE HOLIDAYS?" I into a Better, it in-
THAT. I CONFESS I MISS THE GAIETY OF TOWN." wo^an worie"^ *
[E 8EA-SIDE.