DOI Heft:
Punch’s Almanack for 1854
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17043#0009
PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1854.
MONTHLY MEMS.
By a Cabby".
September.—Town gets flat, and you
must look sharp. Gents and ’osses ankers
after waterin’ places. If pulled up about
distance, swear through thick and thin,
but avoid pedometers. “ Measures, not
men,” doesn’t suit Cabbies. Drains is
werry wholesome, and if neglected, is apt
to bring on fevers and colera. Avoid
unripe fruit — especially 'winkles.
October. — Weather gets raw. and
Cabbies should be dressed accordin’.
Leaves begin to fall, so let Cabbies look ■
to their licenses. Little doin’ in town, but j
of that little Cabbies has a right to their j
share. Masters can’t expect any money
this month, so you grab all yon get, and i
spend it, wich it’s no use pullin’ you up if |
you've got nothink.
HOW TO GROW A PINK OF
FASHION.
This Pink must be planted in the most
aristocratic soil. The mould should be the
very mould of form. It grows mostly in
the open air, and Belgravia may be looked
upon as the great nursery for these Pinks.
Several favourable specimens, also, have
been reared at the theatres, the Italian and
French operas, and similar fashionable
forcing houses. It is met Yvith in great I
profusion at the balls of the nobility. The
latter specimen, however, cannot bear the
daylight. It is put into a hot bed the first
thing when carried home in the morning,
and there it remains closed up and almost
dead until the evening, when it just begins
to lift its drooping head. It is about twelve
o’clock at night that it is seen to the most
blooming advantage. Your Pink of Fashion
is watered with a liquid called champagne,
and, if it is at all faint, a little piece of
chicken and ham, and a few crumbs of
bread, applied to the mouth of the delicate
flower, will revive it wonderfully. It is a
very tender plant, though it lias been known
to bloom for two or three seasons. The
greatest care, however, is requisite to keep
it from the cold, for its beauty is so sensitive,
that the slightest neglect will nip it in the
bud. The Pink is of seY’eral colours, but the
white with a beautiful maiden blush is the
specimen the most preferred. This Pink !
usually cari'ies its head very high, and, !
though not distinguished for any particular
amount of scents, still it is eager!y taken in
hand m society for its (s)talk. The Pink of
Fashion is mostly single, bu* cases of double j
Pinks have been recorde- The double (or
married)Pink, however, does nocexcite one
half the interest of the one that is single.
CONCLUSIVE TABLE-TURNING EXPERIMENT MADE
AT GREENWICH.
“There, Old Fella! Hope you’re satisfied it goes round now.”
“ Oh Yesh ! There’s no mistake !”
[These subjects are submitted, very respectfully, to the Reverend (!)
Gentlemen who hold so much conversation with Furniture.
SONG OF THE HAT-TURNER
BY ONE WHO HAS MOVED IN THE HIGHEST
CIRCLES.
All round my hat I turn until I’m ill O !
All round my hat, ’spite of Mr. Faraday •
And when anybody asks m® the reason
why it turns so,
I tell him what from reason sounds far,
far away.
Some say the action’s muscular, and some
ibis galvanic,
While others call it humbug in a scien-
tific way :
And some there are assign it to an agency
Satanic,
And vow t.ne devil’s in it if there’s not
the deuce to pay.
Yet all round my hat I still persist in
turning,
Unheeding what the sceptical and scien-
tific say:
And tho’ perhaps a character for verdancy
I ’m earning,
I’ve nothing else to turn to for whiling
time away.
POP GOES THE QUESTION.
“ Pop goes the question,” has often led
people a very pretty dance. It has been
a pop that has always been exceedingly
popular, and is revived from time to time,
as much from necessity ac fashion. The
step is a very decided one; but though
usually regarded as difficult, yet a little |
boldness and address is all that is required
to make the gentleman a rapid proficient.
The steps are taken as followsGentle-
man advances and bows to lady; chasse
to lady’s side; hands across: balancez,
and set (on a chair). Lady (makes) ad-
vances, and retreats (into herself); gentle-
man follows (up his advantage), and
i balancez (on the chair); lady’s chain (of
j endearments); cavalier seul; set (to work;)
I right and left (with small talk); heads
| round (with excitement); down the middle
! and up again (with prepared speeches);
gentleman' takes lady’s hand; lady with-
draws it; poussette; right and left; hands
across; gentleman drops on one knee, and
turns the lady (to his purpose); grand
round (of arm about the waist). Pop goes
the Question !
This step is generally concluded by the
figures joining hands, and uniting in a
ring. The usual finale to the step is
childish in the extreme.
Aids to Reflection for Ladies.—The
side-liirhts of a looking-glass.
HOW TO MAKE
BITTERS.
A Bitter Compli-
ment.— Ascertain in
what a person is most
deficient, or what he
requires or wishes for
most, and then com- j
pliment him slyly on j
it, as if he actually !
possessed it. That is !
a “ Bitter Compli-
ment.”
A Bitter Truth .—
If a person has any j
defeat, such as a club j
foot, or a squint, or
bad teeth, or an ugly
wife, or has losr a
leg, or iiis hair, and
you remind him of j
it; or if lie has been :
guilty of anything
he has reason to be j
ashamed of, such as
writing in the maga- j
zines, or riding out- i
aide a penny omni- !
bus, and you make j
allusions to it before
company — that is
what constitutes a '
u Bitter Truth.”
Shaving by Ma-
chinery. The only
shaving by machi-
nery that we are
acquainted with is
Shaving the Ladies,
as practised in the
linendrapers’ shops;
and that is done in
such an easy off-hand
manner that the ope-
ration has become
quite mechanical.
Table {loquitur).
HAND."
REMARKABLE CASE OF TABLE TALKING.
“Don’t you beliey’e him, Mum—I’m not Mahogany, but I’m veneered and second-
[Table dances about on its leys for a considerable time and vanishes in a blue flame.
an enormous
strawberry.
The long-lost son
of a Victoria melo-
drama is discovered
with a Strawberry on
bis left arm, which
brings him in £5,000
a year. This is sup-
posed to be the largest
price ever given for
a Strawberry yet!
The Strawberry is
exhibited every even-
ing at the end of the
third act.
To Policemen a-
roijt to Marry.—
When you are about
to marry, visit as
many cooks as you
can, so as to give you
the widest possible
area for your choice.
Avoid housemaids,
whose occupation does
not admit of the ac-
cumulation of much
dust to come down
with; and remember
that there is nothing
like kitchen-stuff for
greasing the wheel
of fortune. When
married, a policeman
will be justified in
living above his sta-
tion—if he can get
a room there for
nothing.
When may a Law-
yer’s clerk be consi-
dered most captiva-
ting? — When lie’s
engrossing.
i
;
MONTHLY MEMS.
By a Cabby".
September.—Town gets flat, and you
must look sharp. Gents and ’osses ankers
after waterin’ places. If pulled up about
distance, swear through thick and thin,
but avoid pedometers. “ Measures, not
men,” doesn’t suit Cabbies. Drains is
werry wholesome, and if neglected, is apt
to bring on fevers and colera. Avoid
unripe fruit — especially 'winkles.
October. — Weather gets raw. and
Cabbies should be dressed accordin’.
Leaves begin to fall, so let Cabbies look ■
to their licenses. Little doin’ in town, but j
of that little Cabbies has a right to their j
share. Masters can’t expect any money
this month, so you grab all yon get, and i
spend it, wich it’s no use pullin’ you up if |
you've got nothink.
HOW TO GROW A PINK OF
FASHION.
This Pink must be planted in the most
aristocratic soil. The mould should be the
very mould of form. It grows mostly in
the open air, and Belgravia may be looked
upon as the great nursery for these Pinks.
Several favourable specimens, also, have
been reared at the theatres, the Italian and
French operas, and similar fashionable
forcing houses. It is met Yvith in great I
profusion at the balls of the nobility. The
latter specimen, however, cannot bear the
daylight. It is put into a hot bed the first
thing when carried home in the morning,
and there it remains closed up and almost
dead until the evening, when it just begins
to lift its drooping head. It is about twelve
o’clock at night that it is seen to the most
blooming advantage. Your Pink of Fashion
is watered with a liquid called champagne,
and, if it is at all faint, a little piece of
chicken and ham, and a few crumbs of
bread, applied to the mouth of the delicate
flower, will revive it wonderfully. It is a
very tender plant, though it lias been known
to bloom for two or three seasons. The
greatest care, however, is requisite to keep
it from the cold, for its beauty is so sensitive,
that the slightest neglect will nip it in the
bud. The Pink is of seY’eral colours, but the
white with a beautiful maiden blush is the
specimen the most preferred. This Pink !
usually cari'ies its head very high, and, !
though not distinguished for any particular
amount of scents, still it is eager!y taken in
hand m society for its (s)talk. The Pink of
Fashion is mostly single, bu* cases of double j
Pinks have been recorde- The double (or
married)Pink, however, does nocexcite one
half the interest of the one that is single.
CONCLUSIVE TABLE-TURNING EXPERIMENT MADE
AT GREENWICH.
“There, Old Fella! Hope you’re satisfied it goes round now.”
“ Oh Yesh ! There’s no mistake !”
[These subjects are submitted, very respectfully, to the Reverend (!)
Gentlemen who hold so much conversation with Furniture.
SONG OF THE HAT-TURNER
BY ONE WHO HAS MOVED IN THE HIGHEST
CIRCLES.
All round my hat I turn until I’m ill O !
All round my hat, ’spite of Mr. Faraday •
And when anybody asks m® the reason
why it turns so,
I tell him what from reason sounds far,
far away.
Some say the action’s muscular, and some
ibis galvanic,
While others call it humbug in a scien-
tific way :
And some there are assign it to an agency
Satanic,
And vow t.ne devil’s in it if there’s not
the deuce to pay.
Yet all round my hat I still persist in
turning,
Unheeding what the sceptical and scien-
tific say:
And tho’ perhaps a character for verdancy
I ’m earning,
I’ve nothing else to turn to for whiling
time away.
POP GOES THE QUESTION.
“ Pop goes the question,” has often led
people a very pretty dance. It has been
a pop that has always been exceedingly
popular, and is revived from time to time,
as much from necessity ac fashion. The
step is a very decided one; but though
usually regarded as difficult, yet a little |
boldness and address is all that is required
to make the gentleman a rapid proficient.
The steps are taken as followsGentle-
man advances and bows to lady; chasse
to lady’s side; hands across: balancez,
and set (on a chair). Lady (makes) ad-
vances, and retreats (into herself); gentle-
man follows (up his advantage), and
i balancez (on the chair); lady’s chain (of
j endearments); cavalier seul; set (to work;)
I right and left (with small talk); heads
| round (with excitement); down the middle
! and up again (with prepared speeches);
gentleman' takes lady’s hand; lady with-
draws it; poussette; right and left; hands
across; gentleman drops on one knee, and
turns the lady (to his purpose); grand
round (of arm about the waist). Pop goes
the Question !
This step is generally concluded by the
figures joining hands, and uniting in a
ring. The usual finale to the step is
childish in the extreme.
Aids to Reflection for Ladies.—The
side-liirhts of a looking-glass.
HOW TO MAKE
BITTERS.
A Bitter Compli-
ment.— Ascertain in
what a person is most
deficient, or what he
requires or wishes for
most, and then com- j
pliment him slyly on j
it, as if he actually !
possessed it. That is !
a “ Bitter Compli-
ment.”
A Bitter Truth .—
If a person has any j
defeat, such as a club j
foot, or a squint, or
bad teeth, or an ugly
wife, or has losr a
leg, or iiis hair, and
you remind him of j
it; or if lie has been :
guilty of anything
he has reason to be j
ashamed of, such as
writing in the maga- j
zines, or riding out- i
aide a penny omni- !
bus, and you make j
allusions to it before
company — that is
what constitutes a '
u Bitter Truth.”
Shaving by Ma-
chinery. The only
shaving by machi-
nery that we are
acquainted with is
Shaving the Ladies,
as practised in the
linendrapers’ shops;
and that is done in
such an easy off-hand
manner that the ope-
ration has become
quite mechanical.
Table {loquitur).
HAND."
REMARKABLE CASE OF TABLE TALKING.
“Don’t you beliey’e him, Mum—I’m not Mahogany, but I’m veneered and second-
[Table dances about on its leys for a considerable time and vanishes in a blue flame.
an enormous
strawberry.
The long-lost son
of a Victoria melo-
drama is discovered
with a Strawberry on
bis left arm, which
brings him in £5,000
a year. This is sup-
posed to be the largest
price ever given for
a Strawberry yet!
The Strawberry is
exhibited every even-
ing at the end of the
third act.
To Policemen a-
roijt to Marry.—
When you are about
to marry, visit as
many cooks as you
can, so as to give you
the widest possible
area for your choice.
Avoid housemaids,
whose occupation does
not admit of the ac-
cumulation of much
dust to come down
with; and remember
that there is nothing
like kitchen-stuff for
greasing the wheel
of fortune. When
married, a policeman
will be justified in
living above his sta-
tion—if he can get
a room there for
nothing.
When may a Law-
yer’s clerk be consi-
dered most captiva-
ting? — When lie’s
engrossing.
i
;