DOI issue:
Punch's Almanack for 1856
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17033#0008
PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOR 1856.
FACT FOR AUGUST.
dramatic history.
When Ben Jonson was -writing
his comedy of Bartholomew Fair (the
assemblage formerly took place on
the twenty-fourth), he "was a good
deal bothered by the manager of
the Globe Theatre, who had paid in
advance, and was always pestering
for the manuscript, and saying, that
" his bill wanted strengthening,"
and that " business was bad," and
using other frivolous reasons for
hurrying genius over its work. One
day, visiting Smithfleld, lie met
Bbn, himself, going into Richard-
son's, when he had promised to
stick to his desk. ''Is this right,
Master Ben?" said the manager.
" All Fair—and above board" added
the wit, jumping on to the platform,
and escaping.
unmanly outrage on a lady.
Why had CEdipus no need to take
in Punch? Because his wife was a
Joke-caster. (/* will scarcely be cre-
dited that. JoOASTAt's here referred to.)
The Blindness of Fortune.— It
is just as well that Fortune is blind,
for if she could only see some of the
ugly, stupid, worthless persons on
whom she showers her most precious
gifts, the sight would so annoy her
that she would immediately scratch
her eyes out.
A Query for Wagner.—Is " The
Music of the Future" to be. per-
formed by " the Band of Hope? "
A Thought by a Mooner.—Even
Mayors are mortal; but when they
die, can we not sacrifice to their
manes f
Gbographical Position.— The
Nursery of Europe is Lapland.
THINGS OVER WHICH WE
HAVE NO CONTROL!
An inopportune sneeze; an asth-
matic wheeze ; a mother-in-law; an
ostrich's maw; a Chancery suit; a
wile-beating brute; a woman in
tears; increasing years; a baby
who cries ; Commissariat supplies ;
oyster suppers; proverbs of Tup-
per's ; Irish hovels ; James's
novels ; combats fistic; Bailey's
•'Mystic;" Hyde-Park demonstra-
tions ; J. B. Gough's orations ;
quacks' humming; Doctor Cum-
jiing; a daguerreutype; a bullfinch's
pipe; a love for dabbling in bricks
and mortar; and an opened bottle
of soda-water.
moral for august.
You may buy Gi ice, and need not say,
Whether with lead or coin you
got 'em;
But, il you buy them, do not, pray,
Tell naughty fibs, and say you
shot 'em.
Sensitive Party " Who is that Girl w;tm the nez retrousse?"
Amiable Party [who has rather a prominent beak). " Nez rei'Rou^se! Do you mean that Girl with the
Pug Nose ? "
Con. for Country Justices.—
Why does a pig resemble the best
kinu of magistrate? Because he is
a sty-pendiary.
Family Economy.—Jack is good
when in season; but no fish can be
more expensive than a heavy Pike.
How to be Happy.—Reason your-
self out ot as many desires ab you
can, and gratify as many of the rest
as possible.
Homely Worth.—Many flowers
are expressive of the most delicate
sentiment, but which of them has
the heart of a cabbage?
The Board of Trade.—The Shop
board.
Report of Inspectors of Prisons.—The oldest offender is
not always the most obstinate. Indeed, such a culprit may
be said, in general, to be peculiarly open to conviction.
Infalublb Remedies againsi' the Gout.— Turn Post-
man, or get a situation as Usher in a cheap school, or go into
the Workhouse, or, better still, board with a Scotch family.
Sauce fok Soyer.— An individual whose pronunciation ia
on a par with his puns, says, that he looks upon the great G/wf
as the top Sawyer in Crimean good menagemnut.
FRENCH AS !T IS SPOKEN.-SCENE. PARIS, A TABLE D'HOTE.
{Old Lady at Bveakfa.it. The Garcon has been ordered to bring some fruit to Old Lady.)
(Jarcon. " Vmn.A, Madame!"--Old Lady lv;ho. in her daughter's absence, will let off her French). "Oh! tres Byang, tres bvang, Garcon! Bong! Marfcey, Mahecey-
ma1s. J'HERB ARE CURRANT*—BVANG NiMPORTl cet egal—only—je n'aIMF. PAS so WELL as GOOSEBERRIES, you know I " (Inst, uctive, rather J)
FACT FOR AUGUST.
dramatic history.
When Ben Jonson was -writing
his comedy of Bartholomew Fair (the
assemblage formerly took place on
the twenty-fourth), he "was a good
deal bothered by the manager of
the Globe Theatre, who had paid in
advance, and was always pestering
for the manuscript, and saying, that
" his bill wanted strengthening,"
and that " business was bad," and
using other frivolous reasons for
hurrying genius over its work. One
day, visiting Smithfleld, lie met
Bbn, himself, going into Richard-
son's, when he had promised to
stick to his desk. ''Is this right,
Master Ben?" said the manager.
" All Fair—and above board" added
the wit, jumping on to the platform,
and escaping.
unmanly outrage on a lady.
Why had CEdipus no need to take
in Punch? Because his wife was a
Joke-caster. (/* will scarcely be cre-
dited that. JoOASTAt's here referred to.)
The Blindness of Fortune.— It
is just as well that Fortune is blind,
for if she could only see some of the
ugly, stupid, worthless persons on
whom she showers her most precious
gifts, the sight would so annoy her
that she would immediately scratch
her eyes out.
A Query for Wagner.—Is " The
Music of the Future" to be. per-
formed by " the Band of Hope? "
A Thought by a Mooner.—Even
Mayors are mortal; but when they
die, can we not sacrifice to their
manes f
Gbographical Position.— The
Nursery of Europe is Lapland.
THINGS OVER WHICH WE
HAVE NO CONTROL!
An inopportune sneeze; an asth-
matic wheeze ; a mother-in-law; an
ostrich's maw; a Chancery suit; a
wile-beating brute; a woman in
tears; increasing years; a baby
who cries ; Commissariat supplies ;
oyster suppers; proverbs of Tup-
per's ; Irish hovels ; James's
novels ; combats fistic; Bailey's
•'Mystic;" Hyde-Park demonstra-
tions ; J. B. Gough's orations ;
quacks' humming; Doctor Cum-
jiing; a daguerreutype; a bullfinch's
pipe; a love for dabbling in bricks
and mortar; and an opened bottle
of soda-water.
moral for august.
You may buy Gi ice, and need not say,
Whether with lead or coin you
got 'em;
But, il you buy them, do not, pray,
Tell naughty fibs, and say you
shot 'em.
Sensitive Party " Who is that Girl w;tm the nez retrousse?"
Amiable Party [who has rather a prominent beak). " Nez rei'Rou^se! Do you mean that Girl with the
Pug Nose ? "
Con. for Country Justices.—
Why does a pig resemble the best
kinu of magistrate? Because he is
a sty-pendiary.
Family Economy.—Jack is good
when in season; but no fish can be
more expensive than a heavy Pike.
How to be Happy.—Reason your-
self out ot as many desires ab you
can, and gratify as many of the rest
as possible.
Homely Worth.—Many flowers
are expressive of the most delicate
sentiment, but which of them has
the heart of a cabbage?
The Board of Trade.—The Shop
board.
Report of Inspectors of Prisons.—The oldest offender is
not always the most obstinate. Indeed, such a culprit may
be said, in general, to be peculiarly open to conviction.
Infalublb Remedies againsi' the Gout.— Turn Post-
man, or get a situation as Usher in a cheap school, or go into
the Workhouse, or, better still, board with a Scotch family.
Sauce fok Soyer.— An individual whose pronunciation ia
on a par with his puns, says, that he looks upon the great G/wf
as the top Sawyer in Crimean good menagemnut.
FRENCH AS !T IS SPOKEN.-SCENE. PARIS, A TABLE D'HOTE.
{Old Lady at Bveakfa.it. The Garcon has been ordered to bring some fruit to Old Lady.)
(Jarcon. " Vmn.A, Madame!"--Old Lady lv;ho. in her daughter's absence, will let off her French). "Oh! tres Byang, tres bvang, Garcon! Bong! Marfcey, Mahecey-
ma1s. J'HERB ARE CURRANT*—BVANG NiMPORTl cet egal—only—je n'aIMF. PAS so WELL as GOOSEBERRIES, you know I " (Inst, uctive, rather J)