DOI issue:
Punch’s Almanack for 1862
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17015#0009
PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1862
SANITARY DIRECTIONS FOR
SERVANTS.
(For the Housemaid.)
Never open windows. It admits the
blacks. If you find any open, shut them
carefully.
In sweeping, work the dust well under
drawers, sofas, cabinets, and other pieces
of furniture not liable to be moved. If
these receptacles are ever discovered, you
can remove the accumulation at once.
Never disturb the dust on picture-
frames, ledges, the tops of bureaus, <fcc.,
or generally, anywhere where your mis-
tress is not likely to see it. Dust once .
settled is harmless. Meddling with it
only sets it in motion to settle some-
where else.
Never hang up, or expose to the air,
blankets or bedding. As you have made
i the bed people ought to lie upon it, and
the less a bed is disturbed the better it
1 will look, and the less trouble it will give
; you.
Never remove slops in detail. Keep a
large part in some out-of-the-way place,
I and let them accumulate. Why should
you take many journeys, when one will
| serve the purpose ?
Find a place in or about the bed-rooms
for stowing away black lead brushes,
dusters, dust-pans, hearth-brooms, and
similar articles, where your mistress is
not likely to find them, and by resort to
which you may spare yourself the fatigue j
of running up and down stairs. If you
have no other place, put them under a
spare bed.
The Last Iniquity of the Income-
Tax,—Billy Barlow, singing “ Raggedy-
oh! ” is pounced upon by the District
Assessor, and taxed for his rents.
Cause and Effect.—Addicted as the
Yankees are to whittling, it is no wonder
that, at the Battle of Bull’s Run, they
Cut their Stick.
The Winner of the Derby for 1S62.
—The man who doesn’t bet.
THE USE OF ADVERTISEMENT.
Mr. Sweep. “ It’s enuff to tempt one. He looks so jolly Clean hisself ! ”
HALF A CENTURY HENCE.
(Extract from the Diary of Evelyn Pepys
Jones.)
“ May-day. Take my wife to hear the
Monster Concert at the Crystal Palace.
Twenty thousand in the chorus and five
thousand in the band are all that they are
able at present to accommodate ; but at
the Great Festival which will be held
j next year, they promise that these
numbers shall be very nearly doubled.
The solo singers sang through speaking
j trumpets, as at these monster meetings
nowadays is usually done ; but our seats
| were _so far off that we could scarcely
j catch "a note, although I had my patent
! sound-expander with me. After the per-
1 formance there was some high rope walk-
ing between two air balloons a couple
of miles from earth, but I unluckily had
left my telescope at home, and so could
see but little of this interesting sight.”
SONG BY MR. SOWERBY.
ON A PERAMBULATOR.
Madam, wheeled in yonder chair,
I your little boy behold,
He may ride, as he rides there,
In a bigger when he’s old.
Musing nursemaid, through the throng
Unobservant where you go,
Push your infant charge along ;
Yes : and crush his father’s toe.
WISH FOR MAY.
Model Husband. I—hie—hie—asslm —
you, my love, hie, that I was—was hin-
dered from cominhome—hie—by import
| —tant clients.
Amiable Wife. Very likely, Sir, and ;u-e
these your clients stuck all round your
bat? Dolls, as I’m an honest woman.
Model Husband. They ’re—they’re—hie
—my love—memorandums.
Amiable Wife. I wish there was no
j Derby Day. (Sulking.)
How TO FIND THE CaB Fare TO ANY PART OF LONDON.—
Ask the cabman how much he wants, and give him half
tbe amount.
When you embark in a Speculation mind your crew don’t
i scuttle her.
Childhood’s Home.—Nowhere is there a greater number
of infants reared than in Lap-land.
Precaution against Damp.—Clothes bought at an out-
fitter’s should always be well aired before they are worn,
for the very obvious reason, that they are all Slops.
Joke by a Dumpy Ordnance Clerk.—IVhy is a tipsy land
surveyor unlike water? Because he can never find liis
Level.
Toast for Jolly Beggars.—More kicks than half-
pence.
SANITARY DIRECTIONS FOR
SERVANTS.
(For the Housemaid.)
Never open windows. It admits the
blacks. If you find any open, shut them
carefully.
In sweeping, work the dust well under
drawers, sofas, cabinets, and other pieces
of furniture not liable to be moved. If
these receptacles are ever discovered, you
can remove the accumulation at once.
Never disturb the dust on picture-
frames, ledges, the tops of bureaus, <fcc.,
or generally, anywhere where your mis-
tress is not likely to see it. Dust once .
settled is harmless. Meddling with it
only sets it in motion to settle some-
where else.
Never hang up, or expose to the air,
blankets or bedding. As you have made
i the bed people ought to lie upon it, and
the less a bed is disturbed the better it
1 will look, and the less trouble it will give
; you.
Never remove slops in detail. Keep a
large part in some out-of-the-way place,
I and let them accumulate. Why should
you take many journeys, when one will
| serve the purpose ?
Find a place in or about the bed-rooms
for stowing away black lead brushes,
dusters, dust-pans, hearth-brooms, and
similar articles, where your mistress is
not likely to find them, and by resort to
which you may spare yourself the fatigue j
of running up and down stairs. If you
have no other place, put them under a
spare bed.
The Last Iniquity of the Income-
Tax,—Billy Barlow, singing “ Raggedy-
oh! ” is pounced upon by the District
Assessor, and taxed for his rents.
Cause and Effect.—Addicted as the
Yankees are to whittling, it is no wonder
that, at the Battle of Bull’s Run, they
Cut their Stick.
The Winner of the Derby for 1S62.
—The man who doesn’t bet.
THE USE OF ADVERTISEMENT.
Mr. Sweep. “ It’s enuff to tempt one. He looks so jolly Clean hisself ! ”
HALF A CENTURY HENCE.
(Extract from the Diary of Evelyn Pepys
Jones.)
“ May-day. Take my wife to hear the
Monster Concert at the Crystal Palace.
Twenty thousand in the chorus and five
thousand in the band are all that they are
able at present to accommodate ; but at
the Great Festival which will be held
j next year, they promise that these
numbers shall be very nearly doubled.
The solo singers sang through speaking
j trumpets, as at these monster meetings
nowadays is usually done ; but our seats
| were _so far off that we could scarcely
j catch "a note, although I had my patent
! sound-expander with me. After the per-
1 formance there was some high rope walk-
ing between two air balloons a couple
of miles from earth, but I unluckily had
left my telescope at home, and so could
see but little of this interesting sight.”
SONG BY MR. SOWERBY.
ON A PERAMBULATOR.
Madam, wheeled in yonder chair,
I your little boy behold,
He may ride, as he rides there,
In a bigger when he’s old.
Musing nursemaid, through the throng
Unobservant where you go,
Push your infant charge along ;
Yes : and crush his father’s toe.
WISH FOR MAY.
Model Husband. I—hie—hie—asslm —
you, my love, hie, that I was—was hin-
dered from cominhome—hie—by import
| —tant clients.
Amiable Wife. Very likely, Sir, and ;u-e
these your clients stuck all round your
bat? Dolls, as I’m an honest woman.
Model Husband. They ’re—they’re—hie
—my love—memorandums.
Amiable Wife. I wish there was no
j Derby Day. (Sulking.)
How TO FIND THE CaB Fare TO ANY PART OF LONDON.—
Ask the cabman how much he wants, and give him half
tbe amount.
When you embark in a Speculation mind your crew don’t
i scuttle her.
Childhood’s Home.—Nowhere is there a greater number
of infants reared than in Lap-land.
Precaution against Damp.—Clothes bought at an out-
fitter’s should always be well aired before they are worn,
for the very obvious reason, that they are all Slops.
Joke by a Dumpy Ordnance Clerk.—IVhy is a tipsy land
surveyor unlike water? Because he can never find liis
Level.
Toast for Jolly Beggars.—More kicks than half-
pence.