Punch / Almanack (1863)

PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1803

AUTOGRAPHS OF AUTHORS,

FOR ALBUMS.

“ I know that Lavinia has written to
him,’’ said Miss Malcolm, quietly.

“ But she has not moved from the sofa.
The pens have not been used, and though
there were five sheets of note-paper yes-
terday, and now there are four, you took
one for little Lucy’s bonbons. I have
counted the envelopes, and all are there,”
1 said.

“Yes, she has written, and sent the
letter. Look out, and you will see that his
blind is drawn down. That is the white
signal which means ‘no danger.’ ”

“ Has Sarah been in the room ?”

“ Only once, to take away the soup,
which Lavinia scarcely touched.”

“ Did she eat her roll? ”

“ A mouthful or two of the crumb.
I watched Sarah, and am certain that
Lavinia gave her nothing.”

“ Give me tha opera-glass,” I said
quickly, and I turned it on Captain
Vernon’s other window. He was eating
something, I fancied with a sort of osten-
tation. A thought flashed on my mind.

“Have you done with the newspaper,
Lavinia ? ” I said.

“Lor, yes,” said the invalid, petulantly.
“ An hour.”

A comer of the paper was gone. It was
in the Roll Vernon was eating. Now, to
get at that scrap. But first, what was
it about ?—Author of The Read Woman in
White's Secret.

A SONG FOR SPRING.

Now behold the buttercup
In the meadows springing up ;

And Phillis now, with rapture crazy,
Cries out to Chloe, “ Lawk ! a daisy ! ”

Living like a Prince.—A certain rich
nobleman, who keeps a French cook, is
accustomed to call his chej “ Minister of
the Interior.”

Cutting Observations. — Why is a
biting jest like a stale proverb ! Because
an old saw must have teeth.

TOO CLEVER BY HALF.

First Boy. “Are you in a hurry with that Letter, Bill?”

Second Ditto. “Yes. It’s to be delivered Immediately, and I’m to Wait.”

First Boy. “Well! Wait here, and have a Game at Pitch and Toss, and deliver
it Immediately arterwards.”

, VOICES OF THE STARS,

BY MOTHER GOOSE.

March.—Jupiter a pullin’ right and
Saturn left—pull baker, pull t’ other, as
the sayin’ is—which sinnifies there must
be ups and downs. If there ain’t a
. railway accident in the course of this
month, there will be one or more arter,
or praps afore; and some manufacturers
possible bustes their bilers. Some indi-
vidual or other makes a fool of his self.
Births, deaths, and marriages appears in
| the papers, a good many complains of
rheumatiz, and somethink or other, mark
my words, is safe to happen to somebody.

| Sevral dogs ind legs is talked off in the
| Ouse of Commons.

ANSWERS TO CONUNDRUMS.

(The Questions, by some accident, have not
yd occurred to us.)

1. Because he’s a Dick Tatur.

2. When he says Gee-hoss-so-fat.

3. Because it is in-farmhouse.

4. The one is a chin chill, the other

a chin chiller.

5. Victor You-go.

6. Because it is an airey-o’light.

7. A weeping Will (oh !)

8. Because it is the Olmar-knack.

MATHEMATICS FOR MISSES.

Prop. 1. Theorem. The angles in a
i Square may be obtuse angles and acute angles,
j as well as right angles.

Let AB be a square, and C D a young
i lady in it. Now when C D angles for
! a husband in the square, she may either
I hook E F, who makes believe that he has
! money, or G H who keeps his carriage
| and is as rich as Croesus. Of these two
angles clearly the one is an obtuse and
the other an acute angle. But if C D be
herself angled for, and caught by a man
who really loves her, this, we are in-
clined to think, is a right angle without
doubt.