Punch / Almanack (1870)

PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOE 1870.

X! "FINE ART," 1869.

___jariiCiBaotaisr. "He's a P'intin' Two Pictdr's at Once, d' yer See? 'Blest if I don't Like that there Little 'Un as he's got his Thumb through, the Best!"

,,. BISTS TO TOURISTS.

tlillljj

gift When- jot are l»*e for dinner at a table
itteiis, tkitt, be sure jou make your entry with
; wine for k all the noise you can, in order to disturb
morepunctual people. Growl and grum-
■M!K*»tW|yi{ y°ur S0UP be getting cold,

-1 If, when helped to chicken, you only

_ Mthedromstick. The fault, of course,
IIMEiffl bare been in a chief degree your
j^^jkand the dinner perhaps better than

talk Zpl at your own table. But you
jj^JjiM never lose a chance of making a

lion to' *lll'1'n'' "lat y°ur neighbours may
•agine you are some one of importance.
J you have been educated in a public
'i,and know nothing of languages,
rta few Greek paradigms and Latin
we verses, never bore yourself by
! to pick up French or German.
Wish on the Continent with a
% foreign accent, which, you know,
[Warn to make it more intelligible.
• Pwple cannot understand you,
,fri#jwr voice as though you fancied
T*eredeiif, and vent some Saxon ex-
mupon them for their ignorance.

»I ffi^P1'' whicl1 is to be univer-
» difficult of explanation to some

fi«bLTtthis wayis the best-

; J03' weU, extend
triple, and you will see how
"J™ «e conveyed by electricity."

■' t^/T^^dthe pensive
^tilWh\ch 1 ^ inca-
&?tfoetr?u "Ah," said the

^^4rve^",aretbeWs

no, nor yet in

Pound^-aTl1" f°r ? Penny,
«»tita£ fte donkey said

'^fi'fe JaWM- Sobest- 'Tis

ime
your

THE ANTIPATHIES OF THE GREAT.

Fredekick the Gkeat had three par-
ticular dislikes — pease-pudding, a blue
pocket-handkerchief with yellow spots,
and bell-ropes. Sir Isaac Newton never
crossed the threshold of a house in which
white mice were kept. Burke secreted
himself in the adjoining mews if parsnips
appeared on the dinner-table, having a
rooted aversion to this esculent. Queen
Anne became hysterical at the slightest
allusion to a toasting-fork. Cardinal
Wolsey shivered all over whenever he
passed a brush-maker's shop. The scent
of Russia leather threw Makv, Queen of
Scots, into a tertian ague. If a naval
officer placed a German flute on the side-
board, Grimaldi immediately left town
for Brighton ; and to this day thousands
of persons go into a passion at the sound
of a street-organ.

TO EDITORS AND COMMENTATORS.

It is generally supposed that there is
no mention of tobacco in Shakspeaee.
But can any one doubt to what he is
referring when he says (in one of his
sonnets)—

" And keep invention in a noted weed ? "
Surely he must mean improvements in
the manufacture of cigar.-.

SAYINGS AND PROVERBS.

" Not for Jusephus ! " as that worthy
historian observed playfully, when some
funny Jews attempted to cram him with
stnries for his own work.

" I'll have yov.r Hat ! " as the ambitious
Monk said solto voce to the Caroinal.

PROOF POSITIVE.

Old Lady. "Do they Sell Good 'Sperrits'at this 'Ouse, Mister?"
'Spectable-lvolcing Man [But—). "Mos' D'schid'ly, Look 't (hjc) Me, Madm—rw
Shev'm P'nsh A'penny !! "

Robinson says that he cannot express
in words the pity he feels f r the man
who does not drink his best wine, but
keeps it for his friends Robinson for-
gives a woman for being such a slave to
her drawing-room tha* she is afraid to
use it, but a man should not be in awe of
his cellar.

Companion Sign to the " Wklsh
Harp."—The "Scotch Fiddle."

"Sound Dues.''—Fees to Opera box-
keepers.