DOI issue:
Punch’s Almanack for 1871
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17014#0005
PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOR 1871.
Pout!
WHAT WE WANT IN OUR POLICEMEN.
irtfct tttttiqiity, to Catch the Criminal. 2. Immense 'physical strength, to Overpower him. 3. An acute and well-disciplined intellect, so as never to Take Up the Wrong Person,
t—-I Iiiese Characteristics are rarely to be found Combined in one Policeman, but by organising Picked Men into little Bands of Three, great Improvements may be
nracrtD.
jib M Conversation.—If you are at a loss for something
ayfo a strong-minded woman, take an opportunity of
higher why an ironclad alongside of a wooden frigate
Binds one of man and wife ? Suppose she replies that
tdoes not know, you can tell her—Because the wooden
ipia the weaker vessel.
ADDRESS TO THE MOON.
Thy face is gibbons, Moon. And canst thou shine?
Ah, what if Ethel's cheek should grow like thine !
'The Ray Society."—The Photographic.
Popular Misstatement.—Christmas comes but once a
year, say the unthinking. The i5th of December comes
only once a year, if you like. But the Christmas Panto-
mimes are usually played till nearly Easter, and merry
Christmas very often returns, with a bitter East wind, in
the midst of merry May.
SONTHLT MEMORANDA.
wary 7.—At 6'19 day breaks.
I'ltannotmend it.
Ii ftbnari/15 the Moon and
iraare in conjunction. Co-
flfte or disjunctive? Zad-
n perhaps, will answer this
pbj. lie ought to know the
oar of Astrology.
*Harj 2S.-Last day of hare-
% All the bares next day
j mad with joy.
Wl-Feast of St. David.
™ rabbit and leak eating
«*. The Cambria may hap-
P to spring a leak in season,
to* IV.—St. Patrick's Day.
Men weir sham-rock. It
;f only sham in Old Ireland.
wtal Mrst of April.—-
Day. Now make-pro-
Marriage. Now accept
&«4 Bills. Now conclude
■ tawjth Foreign Powers.
Mh 10ft of April Science
f ™ tesAc. He was a
JJ* rod not a Man about
'fcRestoration of King
« ' ,You ca,rt m»ke
Wit,^ you make a
ioniing. pick'me-up" next
fc!f5?f St. Swithin.
?thi . J Samt best with-
Jt| »too i of cats and dogs.
4,t»the va« thlstlTne reaHy
% °e Massacre of the Inno-
*M io_P„
>«nces p 0use footing
>Z i^ch-loadere-
Partridge;
A MEAN AVERAGE.
Vulgar Old Uncle. "Join the Ladies, George? All Right, my Boy. I generally take a Glass op
Sherry before leaving the Table—(sips)—you see it makes about Three Hundred and Sixty-five
Glasses a Year—(smacking his lips)—Extry ! !"
October -.6.—Feast of St. Cris-
pin. All soles.
The Ninth of November is the
liOrd Mayor's Day. It is either
fofirgy or fair. In the former
case it may remind his Lordship
of thick turtle—in the latter of
clear.
Christmas Politics. —Parliament
is divided into parties, and Pri-
vate Bills are introduced into the
House.
FANTASIA ON ALL FOOLS*
DAY.
The true Philosopher, at ease re-
clined,
Soars to the stars and contem-
plates his kind.
Alike to him the gems and gold
of Kings,
The Knave of Diamonds, and
Saturn's Rings,
He sees through smoke the whole
of Nature's plan,
Measures the uoyriapoda with
Man ;
Considers how gigantic cranes
are fed,
And carries the cosmogony to bed.
By- Spirit Post.—" Stone walls
do not a prison make"—Then
what do ? Perhaps the shade of
Mr. Richard Lovelace will
s "tisfy a turnkey's mind by
return.
A Query.—'"Twas caviare to
the General."—Hamlet. Has it,
been discovered who was the
General officer referred to by
Shaks peake?
How to Cure the Vapoirs
(Homceopathically). — Take a
vapour bath.
Motto for the Aeronautical
Society. — " Pennu non homini
datis."—Horace.
Pout!
WHAT WE WANT IN OUR POLICEMEN.
irtfct tttttiqiity, to Catch the Criminal. 2. Immense 'physical strength, to Overpower him. 3. An acute and well-disciplined intellect, so as never to Take Up the Wrong Person,
t—-I Iiiese Characteristics are rarely to be found Combined in one Policeman, but by organising Picked Men into little Bands of Three, great Improvements may be
nracrtD.
jib M Conversation.—If you are at a loss for something
ayfo a strong-minded woman, take an opportunity of
higher why an ironclad alongside of a wooden frigate
Binds one of man and wife ? Suppose she replies that
tdoes not know, you can tell her—Because the wooden
ipia the weaker vessel.
ADDRESS TO THE MOON.
Thy face is gibbons, Moon. And canst thou shine?
Ah, what if Ethel's cheek should grow like thine !
'The Ray Society."—The Photographic.
Popular Misstatement.—Christmas comes but once a
year, say the unthinking. The i5th of December comes
only once a year, if you like. But the Christmas Panto-
mimes are usually played till nearly Easter, and merry
Christmas very often returns, with a bitter East wind, in
the midst of merry May.
SONTHLT MEMORANDA.
wary 7.—At 6'19 day breaks.
I'ltannotmend it.
Ii ftbnari/15 the Moon and
iraare in conjunction. Co-
flfte or disjunctive? Zad-
n perhaps, will answer this
pbj. lie ought to know the
oar of Astrology.
*Harj 2S.-Last day of hare-
% All the bares next day
j mad with joy.
Wl-Feast of St. David.
™ rabbit and leak eating
«*. The Cambria may hap-
P to spring a leak in season,
to* IV.—St. Patrick's Day.
Men weir sham-rock. It
;f only sham in Old Ireland.
wtal Mrst of April.—-
Day. Now make-pro-
Marriage. Now accept
&«4 Bills. Now conclude
■ tawjth Foreign Powers.
Mh 10ft of April Science
f ™ tesAc. He was a
JJ* rod not a Man about
'fcRestoration of King
« ' ,You ca,rt m»ke
Wit,^ you make a
ioniing. pick'me-up" next
fc!f5?f St. Swithin.
?thi . J Samt best with-
Jt| »too i of cats and dogs.
4,t»the va« thlstlTne reaHy
% °e Massacre of the Inno-
*M io_P„
>«nces p 0use footing
>Z i^ch-loadere-
Partridge;
A MEAN AVERAGE.
Vulgar Old Uncle. "Join the Ladies, George? All Right, my Boy. I generally take a Glass op
Sherry before leaving the Table—(sips)—you see it makes about Three Hundred and Sixty-five
Glasses a Year—(smacking his lips)—Extry ! !"
October -.6.—Feast of St. Cris-
pin. All soles.
The Ninth of November is the
liOrd Mayor's Day. It is either
fofirgy or fair. In the former
case it may remind his Lordship
of thick turtle—in the latter of
clear.
Christmas Politics. —Parliament
is divided into parties, and Pri-
vate Bills are introduced into the
House.
FANTASIA ON ALL FOOLS*
DAY.
The true Philosopher, at ease re-
clined,
Soars to the stars and contem-
plates his kind.
Alike to him the gems and gold
of Kings,
The Knave of Diamonds, and
Saturn's Rings,
He sees through smoke the whole
of Nature's plan,
Measures the uoyriapoda with
Man ;
Considers how gigantic cranes
are fed,
And carries the cosmogony to bed.
By- Spirit Post.—" Stone walls
do not a prison make"—Then
what do ? Perhaps the shade of
Mr. Richard Lovelace will
s "tisfy a turnkey's mind by
return.
A Query.—'"Twas caviare to
the General."—Hamlet. Has it,
been discovered who was the
General officer referred to by
Shaks peake?
How to Cure the Vapoirs
(Homceopathically). — Take a
vapour bath.
Motto for the Aeronautical
Society. — " Pennu non homini
datis."—Horace.