DOI issue:
Punch's Almanack for 1876
DOI Page / Citation link: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17128#0001
Xfeeirtci 16, 1655.;
LMANACK FOR 1876
Til
(Melancholy Mem*, on the Miterta
Month.)
January.
January brings its Bills,
So the year begins with ills.
If one's credit be precarious,
Hilary finds us not hilarious.
Frequent winds from S. and W.
March brings with it loads of cares,
Makes one mad as its own hares.
Dust a bore, the weather boreal,
Polar winds or equatorial,
All alike in bringing bother
In its forms of slush or smother.
Lady Day ! poor tenant's sorrow,
Lent, bad times for those who borrow. — J 6 m [aTwiin
Vernal equinox,—day and night
Blow no good, but tease and trouble you. > Equally without delight.
Frosts to nip and wet to weary, St. Patrick's Day,—its senseless wars, fl j> * •»'«'•;« *
Xights ail dark, and days all dreary, For this blustering Month of Mars !
Most things that may plague and pain us
Meet us with the Month of Janus.
February.
February, short not sweet!
Noses nipped and chilly feet
Still in fashion. Salmon fishing
r i fou J ii.
liygihol
■ » »i"Br ''■
I h Ds Ivci.t it.
, , K jM. Patrick
Steciai, JiOte tor 18/6. — Leap 1 n,s.Jp..iJi«.b.
year. Quadrennial celebration of birth; c">"vn M tl.Newton d
TujtieiM itt
JV temp.Ger.H.
[ Ii N .t 0 1. f.
<J. Kill d.
days all over the world. Great excite-
ment in the hunting-field. Extraordinary
feats at Athletic Sports. Grand Inter- ' t-V/A \ U < Y,n!i\"i)"y
- 4 S. in I...m
Jiimrl I '1.
Vein
I re it.l'Hril
Now commences. Boobies wishing ' national Leap-frog Competition at the
That absurdest sport may try it; . Alexandra Palace. Paper read before ? ] l\ J;
When / fancy fish, I fan/ it. ! Statistical Society, giving the avcr-
Fools on things called "Pancakes" dine, : number of persons who look before
Others court St. Valentine. they leap, and quoting instances of people
Which is worst,—an open question,— who have taken a leap in the dark minus:
Mooncalf love or indigestion ? the last four years.
Leap Year 1 So more mud's will many j January 1.—Good-rcsolution-iuakiug
In this present February. ; begins. , >-■ f£t1 a»" <<•" ~s -1«v- • £* * B'-y
r.(tli.4fitp
• ill 42ai
mers k
1 S. in Lent
SIGHS' TO THE SIGNS.
(By a British Hydrophohist.)
Mere w-atery sameness wearies, dear Aquarius,
Let New Year's weather, then, we pray, be various!
Remember mortals are not piscine, Pisces,
Even in such a pluvial isle as this is !
Wind, and not wet, we look for under Aries,
Hydraulic Ram we hate—love Ram when fair he is !
If some few vernal showers should come with Taurus,
'Tis well; but why with floods come Bull's-run o'er us ?
Whelm not May's flowers with tears, 0 gentle Gemini !
Or Flores nunquam respondebunt semine !
Regard the Roses, be not crabby, Cancer,
Shine when we ask—with showers do not answer !
Sprinkle no raindrops from your mane, great Leo,
But from St. Switbin's speli the forty free, 0 !
Swift Summer takes her flight with thee, and, ergo,
Be not all Niobo, 0 gentle Virgo !
Spoil not our sports with daily deluge, Libra,
Not e'en hard cash can buy blue sky or bribe ray !
October Ale ! g iod tipple, Scorpio,
Blest bard, if to it his song's weft and warp he owe !
November fogs attend thee, Sagittarius,
Bid not hydraulics make us less hilarious !
A dry December grant, dear Capricorxus,
So mead we round tha Zodiac. Signs, don't scorn us!
D:.strt.."sinT} Spectacle.—A short-siffhtcd person
looking into futurity.
I
1 ;
! I
MAD MATHEMATICS.
The inventor of the following proof fancies it not
unworthy of the Mathematical Department of Colwell
Hatchuey. To prove that 10 is an even number—
9 is IX
6 is SIX
.'. by subtraciion 3 is - S
But 7 is SEVEN
.-. by addition 10 is EVEN. Q.E.JD.
February 2.—C aidlemas. Gns discovered.
February 14.—Bishop Valentine took his seat in
the House of Lords. Cupid born. General Post Office
enlarged.
Defixk the difference between a Musical-Box and a
Band-Box.
LMANACK FOR 1876
Til
(Melancholy Mem*, on the Miterta
Month.)
January.
January brings its Bills,
So the year begins with ills.
If one's credit be precarious,
Hilary finds us not hilarious.
Frequent winds from S. and W.
March brings with it loads of cares,
Makes one mad as its own hares.
Dust a bore, the weather boreal,
Polar winds or equatorial,
All alike in bringing bother
In its forms of slush or smother.
Lady Day ! poor tenant's sorrow,
Lent, bad times for those who borrow. — J 6 m [aTwiin
Vernal equinox,—day and night
Blow no good, but tease and trouble you. > Equally without delight.
Frosts to nip and wet to weary, St. Patrick's Day,—its senseless wars, fl j> * •»'«'•;« *
Xights ail dark, and days all dreary, For this blustering Month of Mars !
Most things that may plague and pain us
Meet us with the Month of Janus.
February.
February, short not sweet!
Noses nipped and chilly feet
Still in fashion. Salmon fishing
r i fou J ii.
liygihol
■ » »i"Br ''■
I h Ds Ivci.t it.
, , K jM. Patrick
Steciai, JiOte tor 18/6. — Leap 1 n,s.Jp..iJi«.b.
year. Quadrennial celebration of birth; c">"vn M tl.Newton d
TujtieiM itt
JV temp.Ger.H.
[ Ii N .t 0 1. f.
<J. Kill d.
days all over the world. Great excite-
ment in the hunting-field. Extraordinary
feats at Athletic Sports. Grand Inter- ' t-V/A \ U < Y,n!i\"i)"y
- 4 S. in I...m
Jiimrl I '1.
Vein
I re it.l'Hril
Now commences. Boobies wishing ' national Leap-frog Competition at the
That absurdest sport may try it; . Alexandra Palace. Paper read before ? ] l\ J;
When / fancy fish, I fan/ it. ! Statistical Society, giving the avcr-
Fools on things called "Pancakes" dine, : number of persons who look before
Others court St. Valentine. they leap, and quoting instances of people
Which is worst,—an open question,— who have taken a leap in the dark minus:
Mooncalf love or indigestion ? the last four years.
Leap Year 1 So more mud's will many j January 1.—Good-rcsolution-iuakiug
In this present February. ; begins. , >-■ f£t1 a»" <<•" ~s -1«v- • £* * B'-y
r.(tli.4fitp
• ill 42ai
mers k
1 S. in Lent
SIGHS' TO THE SIGNS.
(By a British Hydrophohist.)
Mere w-atery sameness wearies, dear Aquarius,
Let New Year's weather, then, we pray, be various!
Remember mortals are not piscine, Pisces,
Even in such a pluvial isle as this is !
Wind, and not wet, we look for under Aries,
Hydraulic Ram we hate—love Ram when fair he is !
If some few vernal showers should come with Taurus,
'Tis well; but why with floods come Bull's-run o'er us ?
Whelm not May's flowers with tears, 0 gentle Gemini !
Or Flores nunquam respondebunt semine !
Regard the Roses, be not crabby, Cancer,
Shine when we ask—with showers do not answer !
Sprinkle no raindrops from your mane, great Leo,
But from St. Switbin's speli the forty free, 0 !
Swift Summer takes her flight with thee, and, ergo,
Be not all Niobo, 0 gentle Virgo !
Spoil not our sports with daily deluge, Libra,
Not e'en hard cash can buy blue sky or bribe ray !
October Ale ! g iod tipple, Scorpio,
Blest bard, if to it his song's weft and warp he owe !
November fogs attend thee, Sagittarius,
Bid not hydraulics make us less hilarious !
A dry December grant, dear Capricorxus,
So mead we round tha Zodiac. Signs, don't scorn us!
D:.strt.."sinT} Spectacle.—A short-siffhtcd person
looking into futurity.
I
1 ;
! I
MAD MATHEMATICS.
The inventor of the following proof fancies it not
unworthy of the Mathematical Department of Colwell
Hatchuey. To prove that 10 is an even number—
9 is IX
6 is SIX
.'. by subtraciion 3 is - S
But 7 is SEVEN
.-. by addition 10 is EVEN. Q.E.JD.
February 2.—C aidlemas. Gns discovered.
February 14.—Bishop Valentine took his seat in
the House of Lords. Cupid born. General Post Office
enlarged.
Defixk the difference between a Musical-Box and a
Band-Box.