DOI Heft:
Punch's Almanack for 1881
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17773#0013
PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOE 1881
December 13, 188<
MR. PUNCH’S GUIDE-BOOKS IN A NUT-
SHELL.
(For the use of those who run too fast to read.)
No. 1 ’—Exhaustive Guide-Book to France.
Asnidrcs.—Resting-place of the Insane on Seine.
Boating in all its branches. Correct costume of
native “ Yott’s mans ” — hunting-cap, flannel
shirt, jack-boots, spurs, and
a French horn.
Boulogne. — Pronounced
“ Bo-long,” because the im-
pecunious English residents
of the past used to draw
the “ long bow” here when
talking of their lost posses-
sions. Motto of the Visitors
addressed to the Munici-
pality, and founded on the
well - known ch aracteristic
of the quay—“What’s Porte
to you is death to us.”
Chartreuse.—A noted
spot for reuses of all sorts.
Good place to go to after
dining well in Paris, to get
a cup of black coffee, a cigar,
and a liqueur. Travellers
acting upon this advice,
should appropriately order
the green variety of the
pleasant cordial.
Dieppe.—On account of
the excellent bathing, usu-
ally called by the English,
“ Dip.” As the natives make
a number of articles out
of ivory, our countrymen
allude to the place as utres
bone."
Eu.—A town delightfully
situated two and a half miles
from Treport. Cardinal
Richelieu is reported once
to have observed to his
Sovereign a propos of the
charming site—“ Just the
place for Eu and me.” Louis
the Thirteenth smiled at
the wit of his Minister, but
never forgave the sarcasm.
E’oix. —When visitingthis
mediaeval town (which is 51
miles from Toulouse), the
traveller should not forget
to take with him his “ pink”
and “tops.” According to
the other Guide-Books, it is
said that the. place can be
approached by perplexed
voyagers by “ pedestrian
routes through the moun-
tains.” This is perfectly
true. One of the most
popular sports in the South
of France is “ Fo(i)x-ITunt-
ing.”
Granville. — Not to be
confounded with the har-
bour of Ramsgate or the
Peer of the Cinque Ports.
The “ Granville Express ”
associated with this town
is a steamboat, and not a
despatch-box. Although
intimately connected with
foreign affairs, it starts
from Jersey, and not from
Downing Street.
JIam. — Thirty-six miles
from Amiens. Savoury pies may occasionally be
obtained at the “ Hotel de Ville et Ham.” In
184fi, Napoleon the Third escaped from the
walls of Ham, and (not unnaturally) never arrived
at Sandwich.
Issoire.—In Auvergne. A very small town,
much snubbed by its larger neighbours. Is so(i)re
in consequence.
Lc Mans.—A city ten miles from Rennes. The
maids, who admit, in their quaint broken English,
“ that they like to be near Le Mans.”
Mac.on.—Supposed to be of Scotch extraction.
A very melancholy spot. The people are univer-
sally known by their wines.
Nice.—Not to be confounded with the neigh-
bouring Monaco—which is naughty. This is
Nice.
Orleans.—Excellent place for buying every sort
Rouen. —A city between Havre and the capital
In the neighbourhood the Abbey Church of Can-
teleu is much out of repair—unquestionably on
the road to Rouen.
Sens.—Seventy miles from Paris. It is said
Thomas a Becket took refuge here. The
Archbishop had a great respect for the intelli-
gence of the inhabitants. He is supposed to have
considered them the most sensible people in
France.
Unage. —A hydropathic
establishment 1360 feet
above the level of the sea.
It is scarcely necessary to
repeat, for the thousandth
time, the derivation of the
name. All the world knows
that youth is allowed by the
inhabitants ample time for
a bath, but that veterans are
treated with harsh irrita-
bility. Hence the un-
enviable title, 'Urry age ! '
Vichy.—The last town on
the present list. A rather
used-up bathing-place. For
this reason it is sometimes
called, by disgusted Cock-
neys, “ Vichy vashy.”
SPARKLERS.
(Being short, dining-out Stories,
carefully selected by our Own,
Out-and-Out Diner.)
“ MOST UNFORTUNATE !
: An’ what are te daen’ to-morrow Nicht,
Bailie McScrevj (to Smith, who is on a short visit to the North).
MESTER SMETH ? ”
Smith. “To-morrow? Oh, nothing particular. I’ve no Engagement.”
Bailie. “An’ the next Nicht?”
Smith. “ Ah ! on Friday I’ve promised to Dine with the Browns-”
Bailie. “Man, that’s a. petty! Aw was oaun t’ ausk ye to tak’ yer Denner wi’ us o' Friday ! !
J he Duke of Richmond
and Gordon A weakness for
calling public attention to
his connection with the
Four-in-Hand Club, by send-
ing his own coach every
morning round the now
deserted Park, crowded with
any celebrities he can get
together on the roof, is well
known. The other day, just
as the team were being
taken, at a sharp canter,
across the ornamental
shrubberies that divide
Albert Gate from the Row,
one of the leaders, who was
a little fresh, got his off
foreleg over the iron bar
reserved for the passage of
water-cairts, and, by his
struggles to extricate it, for
a few moments threatened
the safety of the vehicle and
its occupants. There being
among the latter several
Colonial Bishops, a distin-
guished vendor of patent
medicines, the Lord Chan-
cellor, the two Aquarium
Giants, the Turkish Ambas-
sador, and Mr. Mathew
Arnold, the repartee, when
it was suggested that some
one “ ought to get down,”
was fast and furious. The
merriment somewhat sub-
siding, Mr. Arnold, who
had hitherto kept his counte-
nance, turned to Lord Sel-
borne, and, in his quietest
manner, said, “ I think, my
Lord, this is your business.
You already know what it'
environs are much frequented by French old
of manufactured article. The Maid of Orleans
has ever been famous for goodness.
Paris.—Branch establishment (in France) of
Leicester Square. From the earliest days to the
present time Venus and her well-dressed sex have
bowed to the Judgment of Paris. The Bois de
Boulogne is not properly in the city, hut is close
to the fortifications, as close as the ivy to the oak.
And yet, in spite of this assertion, the spot can be
scarcely termed a Paris site.
to be called to the Par.
“ Yes,” was the prompt and
witty reply, “ but for all that I am not a Under
Tighter.” When, by the common consent of Die
party, they drew up a little later opposite
Knightsbridge Barracks, and repeated this mot to
the Duke, who, as was his wont, was riding alone
inside, with the shutters up, he got out ana
walked home.
Saying- by a Spendthrift. -
not! ”
Save not, lose
December 13, 188<
MR. PUNCH’S GUIDE-BOOKS IN A NUT-
SHELL.
(For the use of those who run too fast to read.)
No. 1 ’—Exhaustive Guide-Book to France.
Asnidrcs.—Resting-place of the Insane on Seine.
Boating in all its branches. Correct costume of
native “ Yott’s mans ” — hunting-cap, flannel
shirt, jack-boots, spurs, and
a French horn.
Boulogne. — Pronounced
“ Bo-long,” because the im-
pecunious English residents
of the past used to draw
the “ long bow” here when
talking of their lost posses-
sions. Motto of the Visitors
addressed to the Munici-
pality, and founded on the
well - known ch aracteristic
of the quay—“What’s Porte
to you is death to us.”
Chartreuse.—A noted
spot for reuses of all sorts.
Good place to go to after
dining well in Paris, to get
a cup of black coffee, a cigar,
and a liqueur. Travellers
acting upon this advice,
should appropriately order
the green variety of the
pleasant cordial.
Dieppe.—On account of
the excellent bathing, usu-
ally called by the English,
“ Dip.” As the natives make
a number of articles out
of ivory, our countrymen
allude to the place as utres
bone."
Eu.—A town delightfully
situated two and a half miles
from Treport. Cardinal
Richelieu is reported once
to have observed to his
Sovereign a propos of the
charming site—“ Just the
place for Eu and me.” Louis
the Thirteenth smiled at
the wit of his Minister, but
never forgave the sarcasm.
E’oix. —When visitingthis
mediaeval town (which is 51
miles from Toulouse), the
traveller should not forget
to take with him his “ pink”
and “tops.” According to
the other Guide-Books, it is
said that the. place can be
approached by perplexed
voyagers by “ pedestrian
routes through the moun-
tains.” This is perfectly
true. One of the most
popular sports in the South
of France is “ Fo(i)x-ITunt-
ing.”
Granville. — Not to be
confounded with the har-
bour of Ramsgate or the
Peer of the Cinque Ports.
The “ Granville Express ”
associated with this town
is a steamboat, and not a
despatch-box. Although
intimately connected with
foreign affairs, it starts
from Jersey, and not from
Downing Street.
JIam. — Thirty-six miles
from Amiens. Savoury pies may occasionally be
obtained at the “ Hotel de Ville et Ham.” In
184fi, Napoleon the Third escaped from the
walls of Ham, and (not unnaturally) never arrived
at Sandwich.
Issoire.—In Auvergne. A very small town,
much snubbed by its larger neighbours. Is so(i)re
in consequence.
Lc Mans.—A city ten miles from Rennes. The
maids, who admit, in their quaint broken English,
“ that they like to be near Le Mans.”
Mac.on.—Supposed to be of Scotch extraction.
A very melancholy spot. The people are univer-
sally known by their wines.
Nice.—Not to be confounded with the neigh-
bouring Monaco—which is naughty. This is
Nice.
Orleans.—Excellent place for buying every sort
Rouen. —A city between Havre and the capital
In the neighbourhood the Abbey Church of Can-
teleu is much out of repair—unquestionably on
the road to Rouen.
Sens.—Seventy miles from Paris. It is said
Thomas a Becket took refuge here. The
Archbishop had a great respect for the intelli-
gence of the inhabitants. He is supposed to have
considered them the most sensible people in
France.
Unage. —A hydropathic
establishment 1360 feet
above the level of the sea.
It is scarcely necessary to
repeat, for the thousandth
time, the derivation of the
name. All the world knows
that youth is allowed by the
inhabitants ample time for
a bath, but that veterans are
treated with harsh irrita-
bility. Hence the un-
enviable title, 'Urry age ! '
Vichy.—The last town on
the present list. A rather
used-up bathing-place. For
this reason it is sometimes
called, by disgusted Cock-
neys, “ Vichy vashy.”
SPARKLERS.
(Being short, dining-out Stories,
carefully selected by our Own,
Out-and-Out Diner.)
“ MOST UNFORTUNATE !
: An’ what are te daen’ to-morrow Nicht,
Bailie McScrevj (to Smith, who is on a short visit to the North).
MESTER SMETH ? ”
Smith. “To-morrow? Oh, nothing particular. I’ve no Engagement.”
Bailie. “An’ the next Nicht?”
Smith. “ Ah ! on Friday I’ve promised to Dine with the Browns-”
Bailie. “Man, that’s a. petty! Aw was oaun t’ ausk ye to tak’ yer Denner wi’ us o' Friday ! !
J he Duke of Richmond
and Gordon A weakness for
calling public attention to
his connection with the
Four-in-Hand Club, by send-
ing his own coach every
morning round the now
deserted Park, crowded with
any celebrities he can get
together on the roof, is well
known. The other day, just
as the team were being
taken, at a sharp canter,
across the ornamental
shrubberies that divide
Albert Gate from the Row,
one of the leaders, who was
a little fresh, got his off
foreleg over the iron bar
reserved for the passage of
water-cairts, and, by his
struggles to extricate it, for
a few moments threatened
the safety of the vehicle and
its occupants. There being
among the latter several
Colonial Bishops, a distin-
guished vendor of patent
medicines, the Lord Chan-
cellor, the two Aquarium
Giants, the Turkish Ambas-
sador, and Mr. Mathew
Arnold, the repartee, when
it was suggested that some
one “ ought to get down,”
was fast and furious. The
merriment somewhat sub-
siding, Mr. Arnold, who
had hitherto kept his counte-
nance, turned to Lord Sel-
borne, and, in his quietest
manner, said, “ I think, my
Lord, this is your business.
You already know what it'
environs are much frequented by French old
of manufactured article. The Maid of Orleans
has ever been famous for goodness.
Paris.—Branch establishment (in France) of
Leicester Square. From the earliest days to the
present time Venus and her well-dressed sex have
bowed to the Judgment of Paris. The Bois de
Boulogne is not properly in the city, hut is close
to the fortifications, as close as the ivy to the oak.
And yet, in spite of this assertion, the spot can be
scarcely termed a Paris site.
to be called to the Par.
“ Yes,” was the prompt and
witty reply, “ but for all that I am not a Under
Tighter.” When, by the common consent of Die
party, they drew up a little later opposite
Knightsbridge Barracks, and repeated this mot to
the Duke, who, as was his wont, was riding alone
inside, with the shutters up, he got out ana
walked home.
Saying- by a Spendthrift. -
not! ”
Save not, lose