DOI Heft:
Punch's Almanack for 1883
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17771#0001
December 7> 18S2.j
PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1883.
Skates invented by the Dutch
—XVIIth Century.
Parliament opens. Her Ma-
jesty’s Workbox.
MOORE MODERNISED.
ALL THE YEAR ROUND.
Song for a Thin-Thatched Dandy.
Air —“ One Bumper at parting.”
One more try at
parting! Not
many
Locks circle my
head, I regret;
But a few, the most
hardy of any,
Are left on the
crown of it yet.
’Tis a ticklish task
to divide them,
In well-balanced
head-central
fringe ;
These patches cost
labour to hide
them,
Give vanity many a twinge.
But come—every sproutling I treasure—
Thine aid, 0 Macassar ! I beg ;
Though I own—who can face it with
pleasure ?—
I’m getting as bald as an egg !
As older we grow, how unpleasant
To pause and reflect, with distaste
That the few scattered spikes seen at present,
Must merge in wide calvity’s waste !
But Time, a most pitiless master,
Cries “ Onward ! ” and mows off one’s
crop.
Ah ! never does Time travel faster
t Than when one desires him to stop.
No, Age cannot trip to Youth’s measure,
M ith paunch and a spindle-shanked leg.
And I own—though it is not with pleasure —
I’m getting as bald as an egg !
Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter ;
Watery spirt to icy splinter.
Winter, Autumn, Summer, Spring ;
Dust and gust that choke and sting.
Autumn, Winter, Spring, Summer ;
Sunless, funless, rummer, glummer.
Summer, Winter, Spring, Autumn ;
Wet alike, St. Swithin’s brought 'em
Underneath his watery spell,
One from t’other none can tell.
UNCLE BULGER’S MORAL TALES.
No I.—Billy and the Bee.
“ Always be kind to bees, my son,” said
Billy’s Papa. Ever study them as patterns
of industry, energy, and thrift. Now Billy
minded what was told him, so as he saun-
tered along to school, he bore the paternal
exhortation in mind. He saw a great bloom -
ing busy Bee, which hummed, buzzed, made
a prodigious fuss, and advertised to all men
what an exemplary and industrious Bee it
was. Billy pursued it eagerly. It flew
into Squire Tophamper’s garden, and
Billy followed. He could not find the Ex-
emplary One for a long while ; at last he
thought he heard a faint drunken buzz. He
looked down, and, in a luscious and over-
ripe peach that had fallen down, he saw tne
pattern insect absolutely wallowing. Billy
was grieved, for he felt that, if this fact were
known, the Bee was disgraced for life. He
gently shook the Bee out of the peach into
his handkerchief, cleansed its legs and its
wings by dipping it in the running stream,
and allowed it to crawl over his coat in the
sunshine to get dry. It could not walk, so
Billy kindly carried it to the hive. Within
a few yards of the hive the Bee suddenly
recovered, began to buzz furiously, stung
his little benefactor in the eye, and sailed
proudly home, as if it were the most praise-
worthy and well-conducted member of all
Beedom. Billy could not see for a week,
and was severely punished for playing-
truant. When he grew up to be a clever
man, he read a paper at the Royal Institu-
tion, which made a great sensation. It was
called “ Entomological Humbugs, with some
Remarks on Dr. Watts.”
MASTER TOMMY’S RECEIPTS.
Household Ginger Beer.
Empty the kitchen spice-box, two pounds
washing-soda, a pint of petroleum, and all
the wine left in the dining-room decanters,
over night, into the cistern, and stir freely in
the dark with a mop from the staircase win-
dow. When the water comes in in the morn-
ing, the whole household wall be supplied
from every tap for four-and-twenty hours
with capital ginger beer.
Batterie de Cuisine.—Shelling peas.
Vol. 84.
Aik. (a)
PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1883.
Skates invented by the Dutch
—XVIIth Century.
Parliament opens. Her Ma-
jesty’s Workbox.
MOORE MODERNISED.
ALL THE YEAR ROUND.
Song for a Thin-Thatched Dandy.
Air —“ One Bumper at parting.”
One more try at
parting! Not
many
Locks circle my
head, I regret;
But a few, the most
hardy of any,
Are left on the
crown of it yet.
’Tis a ticklish task
to divide them,
In well-balanced
head-central
fringe ;
These patches cost
labour to hide
them,
Give vanity many a twinge.
But come—every sproutling I treasure—
Thine aid, 0 Macassar ! I beg ;
Though I own—who can face it with
pleasure ?—
I’m getting as bald as an egg !
As older we grow, how unpleasant
To pause and reflect, with distaste
That the few scattered spikes seen at present,
Must merge in wide calvity’s waste !
But Time, a most pitiless master,
Cries “ Onward ! ” and mows off one’s
crop.
Ah ! never does Time travel faster
t Than when one desires him to stop.
No, Age cannot trip to Youth’s measure,
M ith paunch and a spindle-shanked leg.
And I own—though it is not with pleasure —
I’m getting as bald as an egg !
Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter ;
Watery spirt to icy splinter.
Winter, Autumn, Summer, Spring ;
Dust and gust that choke and sting.
Autumn, Winter, Spring, Summer ;
Sunless, funless, rummer, glummer.
Summer, Winter, Spring, Autumn ;
Wet alike, St. Swithin’s brought 'em
Underneath his watery spell,
One from t’other none can tell.
UNCLE BULGER’S MORAL TALES.
No I.—Billy and the Bee.
“ Always be kind to bees, my son,” said
Billy’s Papa. Ever study them as patterns
of industry, energy, and thrift. Now Billy
minded what was told him, so as he saun-
tered along to school, he bore the paternal
exhortation in mind. He saw a great bloom -
ing busy Bee, which hummed, buzzed, made
a prodigious fuss, and advertised to all men
what an exemplary and industrious Bee it
was. Billy pursued it eagerly. It flew
into Squire Tophamper’s garden, and
Billy followed. He could not find the Ex-
emplary One for a long while ; at last he
thought he heard a faint drunken buzz. He
looked down, and, in a luscious and over-
ripe peach that had fallen down, he saw tne
pattern insect absolutely wallowing. Billy
was grieved, for he felt that, if this fact were
known, the Bee was disgraced for life. He
gently shook the Bee out of the peach into
his handkerchief, cleansed its legs and its
wings by dipping it in the running stream,
and allowed it to crawl over his coat in the
sunshine to get dry. It could not walk, so
Billy kindly carried it to the hive. Within
a few yards of the hive the Bee suddenly
recovered, began to buzz furiously, stung
his little benefactor in the eye, and sailed
proudly home, as if it were the most praise-
worthy and well-conducted member of all
Beedom. Billy could not see for a week,
and was severely punished for playing-
truant. When he grew up to be a clever
man, he read a paper at the Royal Institu-
tion, which made a great sensation. It was
called “ Entomological Humbugs, with some
Remarks on Dr. Watts.”
MASTER TOMMY’S RECEIPTS.
Household Ginger Beer.
Empty the kitchen spice-box, two pounds
washing-soda, a pint of petroleum, and all
the wine left in the dining-room decanters,
over night, into the cistern, and stir freely in
the dark with a mop from the staircase win-
dow. When the water comes in in the morn-
ing, the whole household wall be supplied
from every tap for four-and-twenty hours
with capital ginger beer.
Batterie de Cuisine.—Shelling peas.
Vol. 84.
Aik. (a)