DOI issue:
Punch's Almanack for 1883
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17771#0003
FORM.
First Masher. “Let’s stop and look at Punch and Judy, Old Chappie ! I've heard it’s as good as a Play !’’
Second Masher. “ I dbssay it is, my brave Boy. But we ain’t Dressed, you know ! ” _
A NOCTURNE.
Toes all a-freeze,
Nose a tomato ;
Breathing a wheeze,
Speaking staccato ;
Smoking a sham,
Odourless,—cruel,
Sniff Alkaram,
Gobble down gruel,
Read ? Deuce a bit,
Optics both bleary ;
Characters flit,
Lines all look smeary.
Talk ? M’s all B’s,
| Most idiotic!
Earthquaky sneeze,
Room gone chaotic !
Glass ? That damp guy.
Type of humanity ?
Self-respect fly !
Hook it, oh, Vanity !
With a catarrh,
What were Apollo ?
Mallock won’t jar,
Life is all hollow.
Couleur-cle-rose
Views of the universe,
Sage,—with red nose—
Holds fit for puny verse.
11 hush ! What imports
Life or its issues ?
All snuffs and snorts
Coughs and ah-tisshoos !
Omar Khayyam
Knew life all dolour,
A sh—sh—sham,
Ah—rash-hoo ! Oh, lor !
Nitre !—strong dose,
“ Sweet spirit ” cure me !
IRRESISTIBLE.
Irish Beggar-Woman (to Dignitary of the Church). “Buy a Box o’ Lucifers, yer Riv’rence?
OCH, SHUR5E, WID SUCH IL1GANT CALVES, YE CANN’t HAVE A HaR-RD HEART ! ”
Head, eyes, and nose !
Slumber insure me !
Plunge into bed,
Tuck bed-clothes tighter,
Oh ! my poor head.
Good night! good nitre !
MASTER TOMMY'S
RECEIPTS.
The Fair Weather Barometer.
This is a pleasing and
simple experiment. The
mercury is removed, and
divided in equal portions
between the cat, the parrot
next door, and the interior
of grandpapa’s forty-guinea
repeater. This may cause
some local disturbance, but
the barometer, relieved of
undue pressure, and set at
“ very dry,” may be relied
on to indicate, without
further attention, perma-
nent fair weather.
Inquiry for Evolu-
tionists. — Can the long-
lingering belief in the
virtue of the divining-rod
be regarded as the survival
of the fit test ?
The Best Toast to
Propose. — To gentlemen
J who have not already drunk
more than is good for them
| ~~an anchovy toast.
First Masher. “Let’s stop and look at Punch and Judy, Old Chappie ! I've heard it’s as good as a Play !’’
Second Masher. “ I dbssay it is, my brave Boy. But we ain’t Dressed, you know ! ” _
A NOCTURNE.
Toes all a-freeze,
Nose a tomato ;
Breathing a wheeze,
Speaking staccato ;
Smoking a sham,
Odourless,—cruel,
Sniff Alkaram,
Gobble down gruel,
Read ? Deuce a bit,
Optics both bleary ;
Characters flit,
Lines all look smeary.
Talk ? M’s all B’s,
| Most idiotic!
Earthquaky sneeze,
Room gone chaotic !
Glass ? That damp guy.
Type of humanity ?
Self-respect fly !
Hook it, oh, Vanity !
With a catarrh,
What were Apollo ?
Mallock won’t jar,
Life is all hollow.
Couleur-cle-rose
Views of the universe,
Sage,—with red nose—
Holds fit for puny verse.
11 hush ! What imports
Life or its issues ?
All snuffs and snorts
Coughs and ah-tisshoos !
Omar Khayyam
Knew life all dolour,
A sh—sh—sham,
Ah—rash-hoo ! Oh, lor !
Nitre !—strong dose,
“ Sweet spirit ” cure me !
IRRESISTIBLE.
Irish Beggar-Woman (to Dignitary of the Church). “Buy a Box o’ Lucifers, yer Riv’rence?
OCH, SHUR5E, WID SUCH IL1GANT CALVES, YE CANN’t HAVE A HaR-RD HEART ! ”
Head, eyes, and nose !
Slumber insure me !
Plunge into bed,
Tuck bed-clothes tighter,
Oh ! my poor head.
Good night! good nitre !
MASTER TOMMY'S
RECEIPTS.
The Fair Weather Barometer.
This is a pleasing and
simple experiment. The
mercury is removed, and
divided in equal portions
between the cat, the parrot
next door, and the interior
of grandpapa’s forty-guinea
repeater. This may cause
some local disturbance, but
the barometer, relieved of
undue pressure, and set at
“ very dry,” may be relied
on to indicate, without
further attention, perma-
nent fair weather.
Inquiry for Evolu-
tionists. — Can the long-
lingering belief in the
virtue of the divining-rod
be regarded as the survival
of the fit test ?
The Best Toast to
Propose. — To gentlemen
J who have not already drunk
more than is good for them
| ~~an anchovy toast.