DOI Page / Citation link:
https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16516#0099
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
95
THE DOO CORRESPONDENCE,
Whetstone Park, Aug. 20, 1842.
was torture. Long—long did lie struggle to avoid an act so abhor-
rent to his nature, but the paternal hosier was too much for him, and
every shilling of my uncle's legacy went to my sister's husband and
the lawyers. Nourmahal lias cut us, and actually refused to set us
up in the coal-trade.
How can I send you back the so v.! If you lend me another,
I can give a man a shilling to bring it to you.
Yours, Diddleton Doo.
Dear Punch,
Many thanks for the sovereign—it was light weight, but I
lost nothing by it, as I filled up the milled edge with bee's-wax.
Let me see—what shall I send you this week ? Oh ! I'll tell you
how my father Downey Doo was done.
My youngest sister (who had been thoughtlessly christened Susan,
but who was generally called by the family Nourmahal), one day had
the good fortune to find three tickets for a ball at Guildhall, and our SONGS OF THE SEEDY_No XXI
excellent parent, who never lost a chance of advancing or feeding his *~ ' ~'~ ~ ~ ~* — ' ' '•
children, overcame the one scruple which my mother professed to
entertain, and resolved upon using the tickets at all hazards.
Nourmahal, who had formed an intimacy with a dyer's daughter,
soon contrived, by the assistance of her friend, to construct a very
Believe not the tale that appearances tell,
Nor trust in the glitter of jewels or gold ;
But trust me, dear Sue, there is many a swell
, -, , , ., -■ , .. Would be knocked down for nothing bv auction if sold,
imposing ball-dress, whilst my father and myself were excellently h &e be md wUh ^ notes, &q
appointed, as my generous parent (who gave out that he was about ~ '
to stand as a
m
2Tn
Oh think not the paper the emblem of cash
On the poor Bank of Fashion 'tis easy to draw,—
Remember, sweet love, that the notes may be flash.
I've watch'd the vile tempter, I've seen him walk in
To the shop where mosaic and tinsel abound ;
Then I've seen him emerge with a thundering pin,
Made of nothing but brass with a sham jewel crown'd,
Oh then I've observed him look round with an air
As if he would say " Don't you think it will do ? "
The villain has ventured to smile on the fair—
Oh let not such villains look kindly on you !
Nay, come little Susy, don't look so sedate ;
1 know very well, cruel maid, what you mean :
You would say that though dress you would not over-rate,
A lover ought still to be fit to be seen.
Then adieu, haughty Susan—ay, sueer at my hat—
"lis a gossamer—well—ah I you smile at my shoes.
They are strong eight-and-sixpennies—well, what of that ?
Sneer again, at my stout six-aud-eightpenny blouse.
Farewell S—it is over ! I henceforth am mute.
For ever, thou proud one, for ever we part ;
I did not believe that in urging my suit,
You thought of my clothes and neglected my heart.
But oh, when the gilt from the brass is all rubb'd
From the trinkets of him thou preferrest to me,
You will think of the one thou hast cruelly snubb'd,
And the sight of a blouse shall be madness to thee.
PENNY-A-LINE POETRY
member for the borough,)
had recently undertaken to patronise a confiding young man who
had just commenced business as a tailor in the New Road.
At eight o'clock precisely a glass-coach drove up to the door, and
my father completely silenced the liveryman who came with it for
the money, by requesting to be driven instantly to the Russian Am-
bassador's. On arriving at Prince Knoutatowskoff's, my father was
let out of the carriage, and thundered away at the door as though he
had been the Emperor himself. The Legation were nearly paralysed,
and a minute or more elapsed before the astonished porter recovered
himself sufficiently to open the door. When the portals were thrown
back, my father walked in as boldly as a lion ; he then started as
though extremely surprised, and declared his conviction that he was
not at Number 32, and was instantly assured that he was at Number
-59. My father protested his regret, but would not leave the house
until he had seen an attache, whom he requested to explain to his
Excellency the error into which he had fallen, and, at the same time,
to convey to the representative of All*the Russias my father's apolo-
gies and " the assurances of his continued respect." His object was
gained—he returned to the carriage, and the liveryman touched his
hat as my father shouted "Guildhall."—The liveryman was done. The flame of poetry—fed, perhaps, by the present hot weather—burns
The ball was as per heretofore. My father, who was, ever alive to more fiercely than ever in the penny-a-line department of the Herald,
do himself good, had remarked a young man, whom he knew to be the
son of a well-to-do hosier, paying very great attention to Nourmahal,
and I was accordingly despatched to make his acquaintance, and
puff the family. I succeeded beyond my expectations, and in less
than a month afterwards he had formally declared himself a suitor
for my sister's hand and heart—need I add that he was accepted ?
In order that no impediment should stand in the way of my sister's
marriage, my excellent paternal parent had liberally promised to give
Nourmahal three thousand pounds on her wedding-day. As that
happy period approached, my father began to perceive the incon-
venience he should suffer if he attempted to carry out his generous
intentions. Accordingly he waited upon the father of the bridegroom
elect, and confided to him the secret—not of his inability to pay the
promised dowry, but of his determination to make it six thousand
instead of three. The paternal hosier was overpowered with my
father's munificence, and declared that a bill due three months after
marriage was decidedly preferable to the ready money. My father
»tcok him at his word, accepted the bill, and left the church, on the
day of my sister's union, the happiest Doo that ever ate the bread of
ingenuity.
One month after this occurrence, a letter with a black seal was
put into my father's hands—my uncle, Dabbleton Doo, had died
suddenly, and left my father six thousand pounds, the exact amount
of the marriage bill! My worthy progenitor saw at a glance the
misery of his situation—he was in a position to pay, and the thought
piece-work.
The following delicate simile on the contemplated Royal visit to the Land
of Cakes hua been kindly put into verse, at our request, by the talented
authoress of " Lays to a Lady-bird ;"—" When Her Majesty visits the
land whose emblem is the thistle, she will find that, although it has thorns
to protect it from the hands of those who would touch it with impunity,
it has down on its breast for the gentle hand of love and affection*"
When Her Majesty visits the Country of Thistles,
Ske will find that its foes must beware of its bristles $
But the hand of affection may touch it sans gloves,
For the down on its breast is for those whom it loves.
Will the Penny-a-line Poet, in his next Notice to Correspondents,
obligingly inform us whether the thistle was selected as an emblem oi
Scotland because a certain class of animals are partial to it, and whether
he is himself a Scotsman ?—also, whether the thistles which are to be 80
polite to Her Majesty are single- or double-breasted 1
* Vide The "Woolwich" Corresp judence in Ik-. Morning He "did of Saturday,
August 20.
95
THE DOO CORRESPONDENCE,
Whetstone Park, Aug. 20, 1842.
was torture. Long—long did lie struggle to avoid an act so abhor-
rent to his nature, but the paternal hosier was too much for him, and
every shilling of my uncle's legacy went to my sister's husband and
the lawyers. Nourmahal lias cut us, and actually refused to set us
up in the coal-trade.
How can I send you back the so v.! If you lend me another,
I can give a man a shilling to bring it to you.
Yours, Diddleton Doo.
Dear Punch,
Many thanks for the sovereign—it was light weight, but I
lost nothing by it, as I filled up the milled edge with bee's-wax.
Let me see—what shall I send you this week ? Oh ! I'll tell you
how my father Downey Doo was done.
My youngest sister (who had been thoughtlessly christened Susan,
but who was generally called by the family Nourmahal), one day had
the good fortune to find three tickets for a ball at Guildhall, and our SONGS OF THE SEEDY_No XXI
excellent parent, who never lost a chance of advancing or feeding his *~ ' ~'~ ~ ~ ~* — ' ' '•
children, overcame the one scruple which my mother professed to
entertain, and resolved upon using the tickets at all hazards.
Nourmahal, who had formed an intimacy with a dyer's daughter,
soon contrived, by the assistance of her friend, to construct a very
Believe not the tale that appearances tell,
Nor trust in the glitter of jewels or gold ;
But trust me, dear Sue, there is many a swell
, -, , , ., -■ , .. Would be knocked down for nothing bv auction if sold,
imposing ball-dress, whilst my father and myself were excellently h &e be md wUh ^ notes, &q
appointed, as my generous parent (who gave out that he was about ~ '
to stand as a
m
2Tn
Oh think not the paper the emblem of cash
On the poor Bank of Fashion 'tis easy to draw,—
Remember, sweet love, that the notes may be flash.
I've watch'd the vile tempter, I've seen him walk in
To the shop where mosaic and tinsel abound ;
Then I've seen him emerge with a thundering pin,
Made of nothing but brass with a sham jewel crown'd,
Oh then I've observed him look round with an air
As if he would say " Don't you think it will do ? "
The villain has ventured to smile on the fair—
Oh let not such villains look kindly on you !
Nay, come little Susy, don't look so sedate ;
1 know very well, cruel maid, what you mean :
You would say that though dress you would not over-rate,
A lover ought still to be fit to be seen.
Then adieu, haughty Susan—ay, sueer at my hat—
"lis a gossamer—well—ah I you smile at my shoes.
They are strong eight-and-sixpennies—well, what of that ?
Sneer again, at my stout six-aud-eightpenny blouse.
Farewell S—it is over ! I henceforth am mute.
For ever, thou proud one, for ever we part ;
I did not believe that in urging my suit,
You thought of my clothes and neglected my heart.
But oh, when the gilt from the brass is all rubb'd
From the trinkets of him thou preferrest to me,
You will think of the one thou hast cruelly snubb'd,
And the sight of a blouse shall be madness to thee.
PENNY-A-LINE POETRY
member for the borough,)
had recently undertaken to patronise a confiding young man who
had just commenced business as a tailor in the New Road.
At eight o'clock precisely a glass-coach drove up to the door, and
my father completely silenced the liveryman who came with it for
the money, by requesting to be driven instantly to the Russian Am-
bassador's. On arriving at Prince Knoutatowskoff's, my father was
let out of the carriage, and thundered away at the door as though he
had been the Emperor himself. The Legation were nearly paralysed,
and a minute or more elapsed before the astonished porter recovered
himself sufficiently to open the door. When the portals were thrown
back, my father walked in as boldly as a lion ; he then started as
though extremely surprised, and declared his conviction that he was
not at Number 32, and was instantly assured that he was at Number
-59. My father protested his regret, but would not leave the house
until he had seen an attache, whom he requested to explain to his
Excellency the error into which he had fallen, and, at the same time,
to convey to the representative of All*the Russias my father's apolo-
gies and " the assurances of his continued respect." His object was
gained—he returned to the carriage, and the liveryman touched his
hat as my father shouted "Guildhall."—The liveryman was done. The flame of poetry—fed, perhaps, by the present hot weather—burns
The ball was as per heretofore. My father, who was, ever alive to more fiercely than ever in the penny-a-line department of the Herald,
do himself good, had remarked a young man, whom he knew to be the
son of a well-to-do hosier, paying very great attention to Nourmahal,
and I was accordingly despatched to make his acquaintance, and
puff the family. I succeeded beyond my expectations, and in less
than a month afterwards he had formally declared himself a suitor
for my sister's hand and heart—need I add that he was accepted ?
In order that no impediment should stand in the way of my sister's
marriage, my excellent paternal parent had liberally promised to give
Nourmahal three thousand pounds on her wedding-day. As that
happy period approached, my father began to perceive the incon-
venience he should suffer if he attempted to carry out his generous
intentions. Accordingly he waited upon the father of the bridegroom
elect, and confided to him the secret—not of his inability to pay the
promised dowry, but of his determination to make it six thousand
instead of three. The paternal hosier was overpowered with my
father's munificence, and declared that a bill due three months after
marriage was decidedly preferable to the ready money. My father
»tcok him at his word, accepted the bill, and left the church, on the
day of my sister's union, the happiest Doo that ever ate the bread of
ingenuity.
One month after this occurrence, a letter with a black seal was
put into my father's hands—my uncle, Dabbleton Doo, had died
suddenly, and left my father six thousand pounds, the exact amount
of the marriage bill! My worthy progenitor saw at a glance the
misery of his situation—he was in a position to pay, and the thought
piece-work.
The following delicate simile on the contemplated Royal visit to the Land
of Cakes hua been kindly put into verse, at our request, by the talented
authoress of " Lays to a Lady-bird ;"—" When Her Majesty visits the
land whose emblem is the thistle, she will find that, although it has thorns
to protect it from the hands of those who would touch it with impunity,
it has down on its breast for the gentle hand of love and affection*"
When Her Majesty visits the Country of Thistles,
Ske will find that its foes must beware of its bristles $
But the hand of affection may touch it sans gloves,
For the down on its breast is for those whom it loves.
Will the Penny-a-line Poet, in his next Notice to Correspondents,
obligingly inform us whether the thistle was selected as an emblem oi
Scotland because a certain class of animals are partial to it, and whether
he is himself a Scotsman ?—also, whether the thistles which are to be 80
polite to Her Majesty are single- or double-breasted 1
* Vide The "Woolwich" Corresp judence in Ik-. Morning He "did of Saturday,
August 20.