Punch or The London charivari (4.1843)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

125

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THE LORD MAYOR'S TRIP DOWN THE THAMES.
Considerable excitement has been occasioned in Thamesian circles by
the appointment of an inquest to sit on all the wooden piers along the
river. The Lord Mayor, who was towed by Waterman No. 7, left the
stairs at Blackfriars on Saturday, amid a salute of laughter from the
heights, and scudded away, under a column of smoke, towards Greenwich.
His lordship was in his usual health, and more than usual spirits, con-
versing affably with the man at the helm, and jocosely pulling, at times,
the wrong rope of the rudder, with a recklessness of danger that is not
often met with on the western side of Rotherhithe. On reaching the
Tunnel, the Lord Mayor proposed three cheers for Brunei, which were
given as a solo by his lordship, none of the crew taking the liberty of
joining him.
The sight at this instant was extremely imposing. The gallant vessel,
with her gib full in the wind, and her crew making a desperate effort to
luff so as to bring her mizen tort athwart the southern shore, the captain
with his glass to his eye, as if gallantly determined to go on rather than to
put about, the coxswain, a frost-bitten veteran, coolly washing out a small
tin siueepan at the head of the gallant craft, while the Lord Mayor him-
self, forming a centre to the vigorous tableau which we have drawn, com-
pleted a picture such as naval writers only could conceive and a nautical
reader appreciate. The little squadron at length reached the wished-for
haven, and hove to with glorious precision, amid signals from the people
on shore; and when the rope splashed into the water below, and sent some
of the liquid bubbling into the air, such was the excitement that there was
scarcely a dry eye among the bystanders.
On landing, his lordship proceeded to know the result of the inquest on
the piers, when a frightful catalogue of hostile judgments was handed to
him. Nearly the whole of the Thames pierage was condemned, and the
Lord Mayor, placing the black hat on his head, passed sentence accord-
ingly. Several of the piers were declared to be " crazy," and the decision
of the Court was certainly enough to make them so.

iSPvotHtmal Cicatrical {-nielligrace.

Margate.—The highly respectable lessee of this theatre is doing his
liest to ensure success, but he has not yet ensured any. Mr. Snooks and
his stud of cats were engaged for a limited number of evenings.
Stoke PoGis.—Shakspeare is in the ascendant here. Our correspondent
tells us that Othelio was played the whole of the season, which commenced
on Tuesday and concluded on Wednesday.
Darlington.—Our respected manager has written to Mr. Macready.
The business in the meantime has been indifferent.
Isle of Man.—The theatre here is not yet built, and our correspondent
does not allude to the probability of one being erected.

THEATRICAL ERRATUM.
Mr Punch,—There is a most annoying blunder going the round of the
Press. It begins thus :—" Last night, the French Company at the St.
James's Theatre, were honoured by the presence of--; " and then
follow fifty high names, from Dukes and Duchesses of the blood royal, down
to simple knights and their ladies. Now, sir, this is a gross error. It is
true that all these distinguished people did last week visit a theatre, but
that theatre was Drury Lane. Is it likely that the aristocracy, who boast
so much refinement—so much patronage of the arts and literature of
their own country—would be thus frequent in their attendance on French
vaudevilles, to the utter neglect of Shakspeare and the high drama of
England ? Pray, Mr. Punch, correct this error ; assure the town that
these high people did not flock to see Le Portrait Vivant, but—Much
Ado About Nothing.
It is a shame that the aristocracy should be slandered by such malevo-
lent reports.—I remain, your obedient servant,
C. Notter, Box-book keeper, Theatre Royal, Drury Lane.

Dreadful Clause !
LoRB Howick complained, the other night, cf a clause in the Regis-
tration Act, on the ground of its " destroying the relationship between
father and ehild." This is a curious effect of a legislative enactment.
We know that a bill of divorce can " destroy the relationship between man
and wife," but that a clause in the Registration Act should make a child
not the son of his own father, is more than we can solve with all our
acuteness. The Poor Law Act is considered bad enough in dividing the
mother and her offspring, but a measure that cuts off a man's heir, and
deprives him of the sunshine of his own son, must be a piece of legislation
so atrocious, that we have turned in vain to the word "horrid" in our
dictionary, for epithets sufficiently strong to apply to it.
Why should a quill pen never be used in in-Jitiog secret matters?—Because
it is apt to split.

CORRESPONDENCE BETWEEN LORD BROUGHAM AND
MR. BRIGHT THE QUAKER.

letter i.
Dear Mister Bright,—I'm grieved to see,
The League has been abusing r.ie.
The League is wrong, and I am right ;
Echo nie, do ! dear Mister Bright.
It was the Chronicle that said it,
But there of course I never read it ,
"f was in the Quarterly Review,
Which, as a Liberal good and true,
I of the Chronicle take in lieu.
Write by return, and say there is no room,
Dear Mr. Bright, for censuring Lord Brougham.
letter ii.
Thy letter though I did receive,
I can't say what I don't believe ;
I really do not think thee right.
I am thy friend sincere, John Bright.
letter iii.
Dear Mister Bright, I thought you had
A better memorj—you're mad !
Your mind is very much inflamed ;
I'm sorry that you can't get tamed.
'Tis party spirit makes you fume
So fiercely 'gainst Yours truly, Brougham.
letter iv.
I think the League deserved to be
A great deal better used by thee.
1 cannot say that thou art right ;
Because, sir—Truly yours, John Bright.
letter v.
Dear Mr. Bright, I really wonder
At the delusion you are under—
Oh ! do you think you '11 be believed I
You 're really very much deceived.
This is too much for even you
To have assumed—retract then do.—
You came to me, to make the motion ;
I did it out of pure devotion.
You urged me in the private room
Down at the House—Yours truly, Brougham.
letter vi.
I do persist in saying still.
And persevere I always will,
That thou hast been, with all thy zeal,
A foe to Corn-law's prompt repeal.
I say so, and I know I'm right,
Thy friend sincere and firm, John Bright.
letter vii.
I am astonished at you, Bright,
To you again I'll never write ;
No, I'm determined—never —never—
On this or anythiug whatever.
Send me my letters back ! I fume
With anger and disgust—H. Brougham,
letter viii.
Thy tone is very rude and high,
But ne'ertheless I will reply :
That thou are wrong—the League is right.
Thy friend still true and firm, John Bright.

jforricrn Jntelltgence.
We have received papers from Seidlitz, with powders, up to a late date;
and our advices from the Whale Fisheries, bringing us blubber to the end
of last year, represent the trade as crying loudly for protection.
We are wholly without, advices from the North Pole, though the best
advice that could be expected from that quarter would be advice not to
visit it. Whether commerce could be carried on with that remote region
is doubtful. The rush of bears would be likely to strike a panic into the
minds of speculators, particularly as Captain Ross failed in his efforts to
break the ice in the quarter alluded to.

When is birch like water?—When it's iaidon at a guinea a quarter.
When are pug noses more clever tlmn hooks?—Because they are always up
to snuff.
Why is a bull like & bad marksman ?—Because he never shoot? into his owi
eye.