Punch or The London charivari (4.1843)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

243

THE STORY OF A FEATHER.

CHAP. XXII.—AN INTRUDER.—A STOLEN WATCH. — PATTi" IN NEW
AFFLICTION.
" If it doesn't delight my heart to see you cry," said Mrs. Crumpet;
"'twill do you good, my lamb—it always did me good when I was
young. Ha ! they don't make the bottles as they used to do ! " she
added, perceiving that all the wine was gone—a discovery which the
wine she had already drunk scarcely enabled her to compass. " That's
Mr. Abram," she cried, as a loud knock at the street-door rang through
the house. " He's always in such a hurry ! Good-night, my darling
—go to sleep and dream yourself a lady." Saying this, the landlady
managed to pick her steps from the room, in her vinous forgetfulness
leaving me behind.
Heavily the hours passed ! Poor Patty ! I heard her lips move—
heard her turn restlessly in bed—moan and sigh, as though her little
heart was vainly struggling with its sorrow. " 'T will soon be over "
■—I then heard her murmur in a sweet, resigned voice—" very soon ;"
and then she slept.
How I wished myself in the hand of some good fairy ! Some
beneficent sprite, piteous of human wrong and human suffering !
Then, I thought, should this dark, dim garret pass away ! Then
should rise a small, quiet nook of a place, nestled among trees, and
carpeted with green around. And there a brook should murmur
with a voice of out-door happiness—and a little garden brimming
over with flowers, should mark the days, and weeks, and months with
bud and blossom ; and the worst injuries of time be fallen leaves !
And there health in balm should come about her path, and her mind
be as a part of every fragrant thing that shone and grew around her.
And thus,—poor, wearied creature !—she should draw her daily,
gentle breath, till ripe for heaven.
I hud fallen into a delicious lull with these thoughts, when I was
startled by a sudden uproar, proceeding from the lower part of the
house. There were loud, blaspheming voices—the shrill cries of a
woman,—and in the following instant, the garret door was burst
open, and a man rushed in. As he did so, his head struck against the
low roof, and he fell with a heavy weight upon the rotten floor,
swearing and cursing with half-smothered passion, which it cost
him a hard effort to control. " What's that? who's there?" ex-
claimed the terrified Patty.
" Nobody—silence—where's the window ?" replied a voice, gasp-
ingly. The window was in a second opened, and the intruder, I
could perceive, endeavoured to escape ^3y it. The aperture was too
small for his big, burly anatomy, and there for a brief space he re-
mained with his shoulders wedged in the narrow space, swearing and
groaning—and then, on the sudden he was silent, and again and again
I heard his hard breathing, and felt the garret shake as he strove to
effect his purpose. The noise increased below, and coming steps and
voices convinced me that the fellow was closely pressed. For a
moment he paused, as to collect and intensify his energies for one
last dreadful effort—for one gigantic struggle , another instant, and
he had cleared the window. As he did so, I thought I heard a heavy
substance fall upon the floor.
Almost immediately upon the escape of the intruder, the garret
was filled with watchmen and others, carrying lanterns ; Mrs.
Crumpet, upon whom sleep and surprise had induced a beneficial
6obriety, now bustling through them, with a loud voice, declaratory
of the wondrous honesty of her habitation, and of all the lodgers
therein dwelling. Everybody paused at the window. " Abram's
gone—the bird's flown," said a man, who, I imagined, was in higher
authority than his followers.
" 'Tis impossible, Mister Hardmouth," said a watchman ; " a moral
impossible, out of this winder. "Why, it is n't no bigger than a rat-
hole."
" Ha, Snigs, don't you yet know what a man will do with Jack
Ketch at his heels ?" answered Mr. Hardmouth. " Well, better luck
next time," said the philosophic functionary. " But I tell you what,
Mrs. Crumpet, the parish of Bloomsbury will give you a taste of
Bridewell, if you don't keep decenter people about you."
" I! Mr. Hardmouth ! I'm a peaceable woman, and never troubles
my head with my neighbours. I'm a woman as pays my church-
rates, and can look the queen herself in her face ! My husband could
have bought and sold you all,—every jack of you—but he's in
heaven." And Mrs. Crumpet continued to spin off this old, home-
spun sort of yarn with practical volubility ; at the same time, as I
observed, that she carefully covered a watch which had fallen from
Mr. Abram in the hurry of his departure, and which lay beneath

the window. This operation she very adroitly effected ; and then
continued her self-assertion of punctilious honesty, the while with her
foot she pushed and slid the watch close to Patty's bed.
"And who's here?" cried Hardmouth, taking a lantern from &
watchman, and holding it towards Patty, who cowered and trembled,
with blushes in her face that seemed to scorch her. For the first
time, I saw within her eyes a look of scorn, of passion. Her hands
shook together, as she appealed to the landlady, " Will not these
men go ?"
" To be sure, they will—never fear 'em, my love," cried Mrs. Crum-
pet, seating herself upon the edge of the bed. " And if they won't,
I'll never leave you ; never, my darling."
"And so this is Mrs. Abram, is it?" asked Hardmouth. "Poor
thing ! Well, with all her husband's luck upon the road, he might
house her better."
"She is no Missus Abram; nor nothing of the sort. Don't cry,,
child, they 're brutes ; a waking honest people in their beds. I should
like to know when you're going," asked Mrs. Crumpet of her
intruders.
"When we've done a little more business. Off o'that, mother
Crumpet; you and I are old friends, and ceremony's lost atween us."
Saying this, Mr. Hardmouth—if justice be a woman, she ought spe-
cially to protect her sex—seized Mrs. Crumpet by the arm, and
swung her from her seat on the bed. " Now, my dear, where's the
traps?" asked the officer with most familiar insolence.
" I know not what you mean—not a word ; but leave me—only a.
few minutes, whilst I rise and dress." Thus spoke Patty ; and for a
time she seemed to vanquish sickness by the strong sense of her
offended modesty. There was a look of command in her face—a look
in which were lost the care and feebleness of an hour since. " I
beg—I desire that you leave me."
" To be sure—leave us," exclaimed Mrs. Crumpet in treble notes,
and imitating, though with shrewish awkwardness, the imperative
manner of Patty. " How can we dress with men in the room ? Are
you lost to natur, you brutes ?" cried the landlady.
"Mrs. Abram can dress alone," said Hardmouth ; and so saying,
he twirled Mrs. Crumpet from the attic, that lady loudly denouncing
the brutality of all men. Nor was she content with this ; for as she
stood outside the door, she called loudly to Patty, telling her to show
her spirit, and conjuring her upon her true womanhood, not to rise
for the best man as ever walked upon shoe-leather.
Patty, however, regardless of such conjuration, dressed herself with
her best speed ; nor did the multiplicity or cumbrousness of her gar-
ments very much retard the operation. Her offended feelings of
maidenly shame gave her strength and energy of purpose. SicknesB
seemed banished from her cheek ; and in its place there was a look
of sorrowful dignity—a mingling of grief and elevated patience.
" Come, Missus Abram, you're not dressing for the Lord Mayor's
show," called out Hardmouth.
" You may come in," said Patty, and she sank upon the one chair.
The officers and watchmen again entered the garret, and again with
quickened looks did Mrs. Crumpet press forward amongst them,,
watching with feline eagerness the motions of Hardmouth. " I
thought as much," cried that wary servant of police, as he kicked
aside the bedding, and discovered a watch. Mrs. Crumpet, in the
vigour and confusion of her wrath, nearly bit through her thumb for
her thumb-nail ; the watchman laughed and chuckled knowingly;.
whilst for Patty, she sat unmoved, and seemingly careless of all that
passed around her.
" The very watch as we had information of," 6aid Hardmouth.
" I can swear to the marks. But this can't be the only egg in the
nest;" and with this wise saw, Hardmouth turned over and over the
bed, Mrs. Crumpet all the while abusing him, and asking him if he
knew where he would go to ? She then nodded to Patty, and whis-
pered, " Never mind, my darling, for this little mishap—your friend;
will see you righted."
" What friend ?" inquired Patty, almost unconscious of the words.
" What friend ? Why, you hav' n't forgot the wine aDd the
guinea I told you of ?" These words brought to the mind of Patty
the kind, benevolent Lintley. The recollection was again too much
for her. She looked about her — at the faces hurrying around-
her, and smitten by the remembrance of her past sufferings—by her
belief in future misery—she hid her face in her hands, and wept bit-
terly.
" It's a bad job, Missus Abrams," said Hardmouth ; "but if people
were only to think of being found out afore they begun, why we
might turn Newgate into another playhouse, and turnkeys might go
a begging. Come," he added, " you must go along with us for this."
Patty, aghast with terror—worn with sickness—looked silently ia