Punch or The London charivari: Punch or The London charivari (5.1843)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

PUNCH'S LABOURS OF HERCULES.

labour the eighth.—how hercules destroyed certain mares which fed upon human flesh.



sce upon a
time, that time
being the my-

o J

thological era
of Greece,
there lived one
Diomedes,
King of Bisto-
nia in Thrace,
since the said

who was celebrated for his mares ; as well he might be
mares, rejecting com and beans, were accustomed to eat nien. ie c
this taste of theirs was innate or acquired ; whether u ha' een engen-
dered by Diomedes for a physiological experiment, or, (tor .ungs rneas
of jocularity were formerly often singular,) for funi; or w et ex e
animals had associated in early youth with hyenas, and had im 1 e iei
propensities, we cannot say. Diomedes, perhaps, was a po 1 ica econo
mist, who, in order to reduce the surplus population ot ins terri oij,
occasionally turned out these mares to graze among tlie paupeis, w 10
are more like grass than any other kind of flesh, being not on ) e3t^"
cially liable to be cut down, but also being continually trodden on.
least so it was while paupers were. No doubt the subjects ot lomet
objected to becoming pasture, and being mown as human la; , an
were not a little rejoiced when Hercules undertook tu put uown iei!
sovereign's stud. In this undertaking he succeeded , he con\ ey e t ie
mares away, first having regaled them on the carcase of their owner,
and turned them loose on Mount Olympus, where the} finalU canv. to e
eaten up themselves by the bears. „ . ,

Once again upon a time, when Hercules was last on k.aitn, t lere
existed monsters like the mares of Diomedes. ihese monsteia ^eie o
the feminine gender ; and they drew a certain vehicle called the Oar o
Fashion: we may therefore compare them to mares. Their names were
Pride and Vanity ; so that there was only a pair of them, and not a stu ,
but their appetite was enormous, and their victims were without num ex.
What was peculiar to them, however, was, that they had no notion ot t ie
kind of food which they devoured, nor suspected that it was aught but
ordinary provender. This singular cix'cumstance ax-ose from their being
totally blind, and from their nostrils being continually filled with incense,
offered up by certain idolatex*s to Fashion, which impaired their sense o
smell: also from their being naturally devoid of taste.

For an ordinary mare, fourteen hands would be a considerable height ;
but these mares were much higher than that ; and those who rode them

might have been emphatically said to ride the high horse ; for a mare U
a horse : although the converse of the proposition is untenable. They
were gaily and jauntily tricked out with bows, and ribbons, and top-knots ;
and their chariot was as of gilt gingerbread beset with gimcracks.
Fashion hex-self sat upon the box driving this chaise and pair ; her brows
crowned with a garland of tulips, surmounted with a velvet cap of divers
coloux-s, of a conical shape, set about with gems, and decox-ated with a
peacock's feather. Her ai'ms were adorned with costly bracelets, her
fingei-s with rings and jewels, and her pex'son with a vest of glistening
satin, displaying all the hues of the rainbow. Her waist was as the waist
of a wasp, and she had wings at her back like unto those of a butterfly.
Sometimes she sat, holding the reins of her car hi one hand and a mirx-or
in the other, in which she regarded the reflection of her own countenance,
(the only reflection that she had any taste for), with an expression of
admiration and x-apture : sometimes she would dx'ive standing on the
point of one foot, the other being stretched out at right angles with her
body, to give the spectatox-s an advantageous view of her gx-aces, and show
them how pretty she looked.

The pi-ey on which Fashion fed her mares consisted of young females.
She, no less than the animals, was ignorant of its quality ; she un-
consciously occasioned the supply of it: but even if she had known what
it was, it is pi-obable that she would not have cax~ed a spangle about the
matter ; she, wonderful to relate, existing without a heart.

The young females whom Pride and Vanity devoui-ed,—we speak not
of those fair beings who were eaten up by them in another sense,—were
the poor dress-makers aud milliners. These unfortunate creatures were
forced to sacrifice to those insatiable animals their life-blood, which was
worked out of them by excessive toil, in order to furnish trappings for
Fashion and her car. Had they been devoured at once, their fate had
been less grievous ; but they were killed by inches, by tortures lingering
and slow. Some ached at head aud at heart to death ; others were gra-
dually smothered by consumption : othex-s, in like manner, poisoned by
close air, or worried by complicated miseries into an early grave.

Hex'cules, x-evolving in his mind the evils which infested society, took
cognizance of the case of these poor young women ; and being, like all
true heroes, a px-ofessed champion of damsels in distress, he conceived a
strong feeling of indignation against Fashion, her car, and the odious
animals which drew it; and thereupon determined to upset the whole
concern.

He forthwith pi-oceeded, with his arrows and his club, to demolish this
, idol of Fashion : so he shot and battered away at her with all his might