Punch or The London charivari: Punch or The London charivari (5.1843)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

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slaughter, and black as fiends from the blazing bones of infidels, you
may then smile sweetly in the face of Heaven, and laying your bloody
hands upon the Gospel, taste the true content of Christians, for you
have—in the Archbishop's sense at least—kept up religion !

Is not the said Archbishop a pleasant person ? Can we wonder at
the vivacity of Young France, when her grey-haired priests are thus
waggish ? Q.

TO DAILY GOVERNESSES.—IMMEDIATE !

For the sake of our accomplished countrywomen, we reprint the
subjoined from the Times :—

* RANTED, in Islington, a MORNING DAILY GOVERNESS,

of lady like manners, for three or four young female pupils, capable of imparting
a sound English education, with French, music and singing, dancing and drawing,
unassisted by Masters. She must be proficient in music and singing, and able to denote
three entire morning hours only for five days in each week to her pujiils. One resident
in the district would be preferred, but inferior talent need not apply. Salary a
Month 1 Unexceptionable references will certainly be required- Address, pre-paid,
to S. S., Mr. Compton's, grocer, &c., 3, Morgan's-place, Liverpool-road, Islington."

Five days in the week for three morning hours ! This then would
be fifteen hours a week, even if hebdomadally reckoned, for ten shil-
lings—and "no inferior talent need apply!" Let us calculate the
work and profit of the daily governess.

Ten shillings per week for fifteen hours is eight-pence per hour.
There are three or four pupils to be taught; let us take three. This
■will not be three-pence an hour for each pupil who is to learn for her
papa's three-pence, the very soundest English education—French,
music and singing, dancing and drawing ! Now, allowing that the
governess can obtain two other employers of equal liberality with
" S. S.," she may positively earn, for nine hours' labour per diem,
thirty shillings a week ! Is not this a prospect to tempt Minerva
.herself from the skies, to turn daily governess ?

We can imagine the governess of " no inferior talent" knocking
at the door of " S. S." (Shabby Shabby, of Stony-Heart-Place, is
his real address.) How Betty the housemaid, at eight pounds a-year,
her board, tea and sugar, pities the elegant drudge as she lets her
in ! With what gratitude does Betty return to her scrubbing, and
dropping upon her knees to her work, how fervently does she thank
fate that she cannot impart a sound English education,—that she
knows neither French,nor music nor singing, nor dancing nor drawing!
She may from the slop-pail look down upon the daily governess, and,
from the bottom of her soul, pity her !

And " S. S."—who, with a hardihood equal to its liberality, prints
the above advertisement—has three or four little girls ! Oh, sir—or
madam, as it may be—if, by the hardness of fortune, either of the
poor creatures should be forced to turn accomplishments to bread—
(from some hands, bitter, bitter bread, indeed)—pray, every night pray,
before you sleep, that the helpless girl—the doomed " daily gov-
erness" may meet with no such task-master as "S. S." Supplicate
that it may never be her destiny on such an errand, to "address,
pre-paid, at Mr. Compton's, grocer." Pray that an early death may
take her to the churchyard, rather than her necessities should lead
her to " Morgan's-place, Liverpool-road, Islington."

How very much would it surprise the race of " S. S.'s "—what a
look of offended virtue would they put on, were somebody to exclaim
to them—" It is such as you who help to fill our streets, and throng
the saloons of our theatres—it is such as you, who make the Mag-
dalen indispensable." We have recently read the statistics of in-
sanity ; and have found governesses to be in a frightful disproportion
to other educated classes. Can this be wondered at when we read
such offers as those of " S. S. ?"

COMMERCIAL MORALITY.

A droll illustration of commercial honesty was last week mani-
fested at the Mansion-House. Captain Tune, of a Boulogne steamer,
was charged with embezzling a sum of money entrusted to him to
be brought from France to England. The nominal sum was 1,400£.—
the real much more: but only 1,400£. was paid for, in order to avoid
the 2s. 6cI. insurance upon every extra 100£. ! And now these gen-
tlemen, so anxious to obtain transit for their hundreds of pounds
without paying the two-and-sixpences, come forward and clamour
about dishonesty ! Verily, commercial morals are, sometimes, a little
complex. As for Captain Tune, who has hitherto borne a most
exemplary character, we see no shadow of a charge against him.
Now, there is a slight admission on the part of the gentlemen who
■forgot to pay for only 1,4001. ! Will they confess how many
hundreds they attempted to send insurance free ?

i

THE PATRIOTIC__LORD RANELAGH.

Lord Ranelagh has doubtless spoilt General Nogueras' stomach
for his dinner at the Mansion House, even should the invitation to
the said General hold. Nogueras is accused of the murder, by mili-
tary execution, of Cabrera's mother : and certainly the Spaniard
does not sweeten himself from the blood of an old woman of eighty.
Nevertheless, we have a word or two to say to Lord Ranelagh. His
Lordship fought on the side of Don Carlos, and has been charged
with firing upon the English flag. The fighting lord replies to the
accusation as follows :—

" It is superfluous to enter into any history or justification of the Durango decree,
but I should have hoped that the mere fact of Englishmen having espoused the cause of
legitimate sovereignty from motives purely disinterested, would have sufficed to exone-
rate them from the suspicion of cruelty or want of patriotism; and I would simply ask
those of our anonymous calumniators who have served under General Evans, how they
would like to be themselves identified with the butcheries of Rodil, Valdez, and other
Christino Generals ? "

The legitimate Carlos has earned an undying reputation for cruelty,
pusillanimity, rank poltroonery. And we confess that, whatever
admiratkm we may have for Lord Ranelagh, it does not arise from a
contemplation of his chivalry in the Peninsula. Carlos was a butcher
of his countrymen, and Lord Ranelagh hired himself, pour s'amuser,
as one of the butcher's workmen. On the purest and most disinte-
rested motives, his Lordship drew his sword to cut throats. As for
" patriotism," we believe those folks have less of that quality to spare
who mix themselves in foreign quarrels, either for what they may
deem honour, or for pay and rations. We care not for the side—■
whether that of legitimist or constitutionalist: we look upon the hired
Englishman, by either party, as no better than a salaried bravo. Lord
Ranelagh says :—

" I will now add a few words upon the general question of being brought into collision
with my own countrymen in a belligerent character. 1 beg to inform * Lcgionite' and
the anonymous ' Englishman,' that, in point of fact, I never did come into collision
with the troops of the Legion ; but, in point of principle, had an opportunity presented
itself, I should not have had a moment's hesitation in doing so ! "

This was a predicament to be expected. What, then, are we to
think of the men of either side, we repeat, who sell their swords to
foreigners, with the chance, in the melee, of cutting the throats of
their own countrymen ? Courtesy may call them soldiers : Truth
lias a sterner word for them.

CONTEST FOR THE ALDERMANIC (DRESSING)
GOWN IN HOLYWELL STREET.

The gown above mentioned having become vacant—that is to say
scarce—by Alderman Snooks having resigned it (to his footman), a
contest of the most bitter character immediately commenced in
Holy well-street. About six-and-twenty candidates instantly pounced
out of their shops, and began a most vigorous canvass, throwing
themselves upon the livery (of the footman) with the greatest eager-
ness, and resorting to the most violent means to get a firm hold
upon it. After much altercation there was a show of hands, and it
was soon evident that the struggle for the gown would lie between
Mr. Moses and Mr. Levy. A poll was then demanded, and at ten
o'clock the numbers were:—

Levy 8 (pence).

Moses 9 (pence).

Majority for Moses . . 1 (penny).

The candidates then came forward and addressed the livery
(servant).

Mr. Levy said, that, should the gown devolve upon him, he should
be happy to render an account of anything to be got by it to the
livery (servant), who could judge of the fairness of his (Mr. Levy's)
conduct. It was not so much the gown that he cared about. It
would put nothing into his pocket. (Cries of Oh! Oh! from th«
livery.) But it was the honour he had in view ; and if he obtained the
gown, it would be, pecuniarily, of no value to him. (Cheers and hiss?*.)

Mr. Moses then came forward, amid much tumult. He presented
himself there that day as a candidate for the gown, and he confi-
dently pointed to the numbers on the poll as a proof that he should
be victorious.

At this moment Mr. Levy polled two more, when Mr. Moses,
making a last appeal to the livery (servant), became equal in point of
numbers to his opponent, when the struggle became so desperate,
that the gown was ultimately left between both, and the livery, torn
by the contest, called a policeman, who instantly proceeded to a
scrutiny.

Here the matter rests for the present.