Punch (9.1845)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

25

the first class. But if you heed not rank, perhaps you may want money ;
your eyes say yes ! Ho my treasurer ! Pay to Don Pedro on the instant
five hundred millions »f reals.'

" That sum was immediately handed over to Don Pedro in Carlist six
per cent, bonds, signed by the Baron de Haber, which a butterwoman at
Bourges agreed to take at the usual premium.

" The august ceremony was now concluded. Don Carlos descending
from the throne, the Count of Molina led the Prince of Asturias up
to it, and, saluting Charles the Sixth, exclaimed, 'Long live the King!'

u Such of the courtiers as had hats waved them tumultuously, and
uttered the same loyal shout. And ' Long live Charles the Sixth' every
true heart will say that loves the antique glories and the future pros-
perity of Spain.

" I have no more, my dear Lord, to add. The Duchess of Olla-
Podrida provided a collation, which smacked so strongly of the national
garlic, that you need not wonder if my feelings overpower me.

H Farewell, with every sentiment of respect I am your Lordship's
faithful

"Lancelot Greaves."

FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE.

THE POET BUNN'S ADDRESS

on the close of the season at drury lane theatre.

Some surprise and disappointment have been manifested in vari-
ous quarters that the address delivered by the poet Bunn, on the
very auspicious event of the closing of Drury Lane Theatre, was not
couched in verse, as might have been expected from the peculiar
talents of the manager.

The fact seems to be that the poet had prepared an appropriate
speech in numbers ; but in the agitation of the moment, and fortu-
nately for the audience, he forgot what he was going to say. We
have been fortunate enough to get a copy, which we embalm for
the benefit of posterity :—

POETICAL ADDRESS,
Which ought to have been spoken on the closing of Drury Lane, by the
Poet Bunn {for the first time), in character.

If other lips could venture to impart
The gratitude that fills another heart;
If, 'mid the solitude of marble halls,
I hear a British public's tuneful calls,
At such a moment, wheresoe'er I be,
I only ask, you will remember me.

(Expected applause.)
When fair Terpsichore, with lute or lyre,
Gives unto each, what all perchance require ;
When old Apollo, bursting from his cloud,
Makes ophicleides and serpents shriek aloud ;
When time, amid its ever-changing haze,
Brings up once more the light of other days ;
When slumber's pinions linger round my head,
In the deep anguish of a four-post bed ;
When music's strains are heard within this pile—
Oh, smile on me as you were wont to smile !

(Anticipated enthusiastic cheers.)
'Tis true old Shakspere, with immortal name,
No longer habitates the niche of fame ;
But, if the changing of the public taste
Has all Shaksperian memories effaced,
What could I do ? how execute my task,
Kind friends, at such a moment, I would ask !
You do not to the question put reply,
Then waft forgiveness in a heart^lrawn sigh ;
Like hidden memories which flash around,
Leaving a symbol, but without a sound.

(Expected shrieks of" Beautiful I " " Go it, Bunn ! " $c.
I pause a little moment, to review
The course which I have run, urg'd on by you.
Upon this stage what sacred memories throng !
Processions nearly half an acre long :
The horse's neigh, the lion's splendid roar—
All this I've done—say, could I have done more ?
No carpet green this glorious stage displays,
Give me the laurel, let them take the baize.
Ha, ha ! I see the joke electric run
From mind to mind. You understand my pun !
Thanks for that smile. And now, kind friends, adieu
I go to France, but leave my heart with you ;
That heart, by anxious sorrow often vex'd ;
Be tender with it—till September next.

(A probable whirlwind of rapture, ending in a hurricane of
enthusiasm, and a whole conservatory of bouquets.)

Oh ! Here's a go! Blowed if I ain't lost my Diamond Ring!"

WANTED A GOVERNESS, ON HANDSOME TERMS,

by A pretty fellow.

We lately met with the subjoined advertisement in a morning news-
paper :—

GOVERNESS.—A comfortable home, but without salary, is offered to
any lady wishing forasituation as governess in a gentleman s family, residing
in the country, to instruct two little girls in music, drawing and English ; a thorough
knowledge of the French language is required. Direct to A. B.— Times, 27 June.

An advertisement long enough fully to suit A. B.'s purpose would, we
know, have cost that economical " gentleman " too much. We perceive,
clearly, that A. B. is one of those nice persons who love to divest the flint
of its integuments ; and out of very pity for the poor creature, we will
ask. free of expense, the following questions of any lady desirous of his
" comfortable home."

How few slices of bread, with how little butter upon each, will she be
content with for breakfast ? Can she drink her tea without sugar ; or if
not, what would be her smallest number of knobs ? Will she engage not
to want ham should there be any on the table at that meal ? Will she,
though ever so hungry, always abstain from lunch 1 Will she promise
never to take fish or soup at dinner, to ask only once for meat, decline
taking wine when invited to do so before company, and altogether eschew
malt liquor ! Can she agree to dispense with supper before going to bed,
notwithstanding she may feel faint for the want of it ? Can she sleep in
a garret upon a straw mattress, without curtains ; and how few blankets
will she need to cover her ! Will she find herself in all requisites for her
toilet, including soap, unless she is prepared to put up with common
yellow 1

And now, having asked these questions for A. B., we will ask a few
more of him. Pray, does he give his cook and housemaid any wages !
If so, does he consider their menial services more valuable than the instruc-
tion of his children ? What, according to his ideas, is the equivalent, by
weight, in victuals, to " music, drawing, and English," with " a thorough
knowledge of the French language ?" Does he regard a governess as a
horse, that he would work her like one, and on terms corresponding to
keep and stabling ? And lastly, on what principle or pretence does he
presume to call his family "a gentleman's ! " Answer that, A. B. !
Answer that!

To Authors about to Publish.

Mr. N. P. Willis, the American author, has arrived in this country.
We mention this fact for the benefit of those would-be literary gentlemen
who are anxious to appear in print, as an invitation to Mr. Willis for
dinner will be certain to secure them the advantages of publication,
without any risk or expense. Literary gentlemen are cautioned, however,
against speaking too freely in their conversation after dinner, as mis-
takes have been known to occur in the best regulated memories—even
in Mr. N. P. Willis's. For testimonials, apply to the Editor of the
Quarterly, or any one mentioned in Mr. Willis's American works, wheu
he wa3 last in England.