Punch (9.1845)

73

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

PUNCH'S SPORTING INTELLIGENCE

Punch had a little sporting a few days ago in the celebrated Fields
of Lincoln's Inn. He took with him a couple of quick-scented legal
pointers, and went into the well known Chancery preserves for a
day's shooting. His ohject was merely to get rid of a number
of strange birds that had been in the habit of pilfering his fruit
with the utmost effrontery. The pointers having hit upon the
exact point where the game was exposed, Punch fired two shots, both
of which took immediate effect, and he ordered the game to be hung
up against a column as a warning to future depredators.

Some light will be thrown on the above by the following Law
Report extraordinary.

It is reported expressly by Punch's own reporter, who is putting
by all the money he makes by reporting, to pay his fees on taking

the coif; and, when ho gets it, he assures his professional brethren
that he will sneer at the press, and decline dining in the same mess
with any member of it. He hopes by his extreme dignity as Mr.
Serjeant, to wipe out the stain which he, in common with Lord
Campbell, Mb. Horace Twiss, and a few others who have similarly
degraded themselves, may have incurred by reporting for the public
journals. If he should be dismissed from his position on the press
for incompetence, he will be happy to fraternise at once with those
sticklers for the independence and dignity of the bar, who think
reporting infra dig. because they can't get it to do, or who, when they
do get it to do, do not know how to do it.

As Punch's own reporter is not in either of these categories at
present, he proceeds with his report of the

SECOND PUNCH INJUNCTION CASE,

which, to vary it from ordinary law reports, he has thrown into verse.

Conticuere omnes in the court,

When Mr. Bethell its attention sought.

Arma virumque cano, he began,

Punch and his baton are the arms and man.

No sooner had the words shot from his mouth,

Than crowds came pouring east, west, north, and south

The startled usher scarce had time to say,

" Pray silence, if you please—keep silence, pray,''

Ere in curiosity all noise did stop,

And the light pin might have been heard to drop.

Turn Mr. Bethell loquitur : et jam

Closer and closer do the people cram.

"I come," he cried, "justice once more to claim

For one of most imperishable fame ;

The hero of the baton and the hunch,

In one expressive mon'syllabic — Punch."

A cheerful twinkle in his Honour's eye

Was all the Bench could at that stage reply;

Till Mister Bethell setting forth his case,

Laid bare some piracy as bold as base ;

When thus the Chancellor—the worthy Vice—

<e Let these injunctions issue in a trice !

I were unworthy on this Bench to sit

Did 1 refuse a copyright to wit ;

Shall Punch's pencil unprotected draw ?

No ! 'twould be neither equity nor law !

Shall his designs be every now and then

Stolen by very bad designing men ?

No ; if I'd not another breath to draw

In laying down the equity and law,

That single gasp I would, without compunction,

Expend iu saying, Take—take—the injunction ! "

Royal Meanness.

It seems, from the Debate on the Supplies, that Kings, and Emperors,
and Royal Princes, when they come to this country, do not pay their own
travelling expenses. John Bull is called upon to pay for turnpikes,
stokers, equerries, boots, glasses of brandy-and-water ;—in fact, every-
thing. Now, this is too bad! Not only does an autocrat come to Eng-
land when he is not wanted, but we are actually forced to pay for the
very ship that brings him to us. It is just as if a sponge" were to
dine with you on a Sunday—eat and drink as much as he liked—stop all
night—and then ask you to pay for his omnibus home, and for the cab
that brought him to your door ! We vote that if the Emperor of Russia
comes to England again, he be allowed, like a commercial traveller, so
much a day for travelling expenses ; and if he has a sandwich and a glass
of ale beyond that, he must get his Chancellor of the Exchequer to pay
for it. If the Emperor does not like this arrangement, we are glad to tell
him, he has his remedy—he needn't come at all.

AN ANECDOTE, BY COLONEL SIBTHORP.

A Cheap Luncheon.—" Why don't you walk about, and enjoy yourself
' like other people 1 " said Charles Sapling to his friend Harrt Byk, as
! they sat in the lodgings of the latter at the sea-side. " Because I can't
' afford it," said Harry, «it makes me so hungry ! " " Not afford it ! "
| replied Charles, « Why surely you can afford it here, for you would not
: have to pay a farthing if you were to eat all the sand which is (sandwiches)
before you!" _

organ of caution in ladies.
It is a remarkable fact that the Great Britain, now started for
America, carries on board only one lady passenger !_

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