Punch (9.1845)

PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

83

THE TEA TRADE.

hedges about London seem to be in a very
healthy state. We have heard it stated by
a gentleman, whose nose is relied upon by all
persons in the trade, that there will be a
capital crop of Souchong in the fields off
Primrose Hill. We have tasted a leaf or
two near Greenwich, and can safely predict
the English market will be unusually glutted
this year with a quantity of full-flavoured
Bohea. The Hyson is partly spoilt by the
caterpillars, and the blight has taken the
bloom off the Twankay in the plantations
round Enfield, though it is expected they
will be passed off in the provincial towns
" as good for mixing," when seasoned with a
little " Gunpowder," that is now being grown
in pots at a large market-gardener's at
Woolwich. There will be a good supply of
green tea at four shillings a pound, if the
sloe-bushes at Bayswater only keep their
present appearance. There is no truth what-
ever in the report that the interior of
Leicester Square is to be cultivated for this
article of commerce by a Hong-Kong mer-
chant. There is no necessity for it, as long

there must be an alarming sacrifice of somebody. Dr. Reid has pub-
lished an enormous book about ventilation, in which he says, " Tbere are
no periods where the constitution demands such a variety of supply—(he
is talking of air)—as immediately before and after dinner."

As the Houses sit immediately before and immediately after dinner, he,
the Doctor, thinks variety of air is necessary ; and he accordingly favours
them with a succession of hot blasts, cold blasts, tepid blasts, temperate
blasts, freezing blasts, and blasts with the chill off. As the dinner hour
is the period for a good blow-out, Dr. Reid sets all his ventilators at
work at about the time specified.

The system, by which the Houses of Parliament are heated, is one by
which hot air comes up through the floor, and goes out through the
ceiling, at which a quantity of cold is constantly pouring in, so that the
feet of members are being continually cooked, like potatoes over a steam-
ing apparatus, and they are always getting blows on the head from some
invisible Boreas. We have heard a member declare, that his feet are
turned into boiled soles every evening, while his head has been like a
tete de veau glacee.

The great merit Dr. Reid finds in his own plan is, that any sort of
temperature that may be asked for can be supplied at a moment's notice.
Thus, if a member comes into the House in a violent heat he may order
a gust of 40 degrees to cool him ; while another, who may be shivering
with cold, can call for a puff of 90, which will be as good as a blazing
fire to comfort him. This arrangement would be all very well if every
member could sit in his own draft, or if the ventilator could take such
a. correct aim as to convey the blast, hot, cold, or temperate, as the case
may be—exactly to the gentleman who ordered it. Unfortunately, Dr,
Reid's system cannot accomplish this measure. A gust which is more

as there are so many fields yet unexplored than enough for one may prove too much for two, and the consequence
in the vicinity of the metropolis. Besides, the nettles that abound there | is, that the members do nothing but sneeze, cough, and blow their noses

have been found to be unfavourable to the growth of the celestial plant.

all through the session. The Duke op Wellington, who is tolerably

HEARTLESS TREATMENT GF ALDERMAN MOON!

Some monster or monsters in the human shape have sported with
the feelings of Alderman Moon — Punch's own Moon ; cruelly
tortured them as naughty boys sport with tender butterflies. The
miscreants—for the honour of our national character we trust they
are not Englishmen—sent letters in Moon's name to the electors of
the ward who had chosen him for their Aldermanic luminary : letters
inviting them to a solemn festival in the halls of Threadneedle
Street. A copy of one of these wicked epistles has been forwarded !
to us. We envy not, as the Art Union would sweetly observe, the |
*' head-hand-and-heart" of the forlorn creature that could so sport j
with the feelings of an Alderman—so cruelly tantalize the abdominal
yearnings of the immaculate electors of a wardmote. "We subjoin the
aforesaid copy : —

" Mr. Alderman Moon presents his compliments, and would feel him-
self tremendously honoured by the company of Mr.-to dinner. Mr.

Alderman Moon feels that he has too long delayed what must be a most
delightful reunion ! For how delicious to reciprocate with sparkling wine
the kindly feelings of the electors and the elected !

" Mr. Alderman Moon begs leave to add that his dessert will be
honoured with several gorgeous pine-apples, luscious gifts from the heads
of nobility.

"N.B.—Doctor Crolt will say grace."

No less than seventy electors, without the slightest hesitation,
showed their respect for their hospitable Alderman, by accepting
the counterfeit invitation ; whereupon the villany was discovered ;
and the Globe, with its waggish gravity, assures us that a hand-bill!
was put forth convening a public meeting, " to take into considera-
tion the unwarrantable proceeding which has recently disgraced the
ward." Should the miscreants be discovered, we trust that Moon
will, in his Aldermanic capacity, sentence them to the severest
punishment that man could inflict upon man ; namely, that for
three months they should dine with him—and him alone ! We can
answer for it, they would never make a joke afterwards.

THE VENTILATION OF THE HOUSES.

Nothing can exceed the sufferings of the members of the Legislature
during the experiments that have been made by Dr. Reid in boiling them
up, and then cooling them down again. " Save us from the savans," say
we, when they are trying anything in the shape of improvment; for
science must have its victims. There is only one right way of doing
everything, while the series of wrong ways may be considered infinite ; and
as sereral of these wrong ways are tried before the right way is hit upon,

hardy, and from being long accustomed to Parliament is used to hot and
cold, has been compelled on leaving the House of Lords every night, to
pop his feet into hot water, encase his venerable head in a Welsh wig,
and demolish an enormous basin of thick gruel, in which the groats of
Emden find a watery grave.

Exeter Kail Insolvent!

Sir Colling Eardley Smith, John Dean Paul, and James Lord,
respectively the Chairman, Treasurer, and Secretary of a body calling
itself the Anti-Maynooth Committee, have issued a circular, stating, that
in opposing the Maynooth Endowment Bill that Association has contracted
debts to the amount of £732 14*. lid., which it is unable to defray, and
demanding assistance, in order to discharge them. The Anti-Maynooth
Committee has manifestly committed itself; but how can people have the
conscience to ask charity of others who have so little of it themselves s
In stirring up the fires of religious animosity, the Exeter Hallites have
burnt their own fingers, and are deservedly smarting in consequence.
Let us hope that the burnt children—for childish enough they are—will
dread the fire. We shall not be sorry to see an execution put into then-
hall, and their platform and other properties sold up. May no misplaced
sympathy avert that most devoutly-to-be-wished consummation 1