Punch (9.1845)

94 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

In Paddy's mended breeches.
And Kelly, whom the world assails, Old Dan was grown too rich to beg,

But whom i lie bar takes-fame from, And in a Union jolly

I made Lord Viscount New South Wales I linked Mac Hale with Tresham Gekgg,

Where poor John Tawell came from. And Beresford with Crolly.

And then I asked His Grace, the Duke,

Then gentlemen might earn their bre

"t

introduction. To courtly Aberdeen, I sent And every man without employ

The only man of any mark A mission influential, Got beef—not bones—to feed on,

In all the town remaining, To serve the Yankee President And every little working boy

I sauntered in St. James's Park, As Flunky Confidential. His page of Punch could read on.

And watched the daylight waning. Lord Brougham and Vaux in banishment

;' The Speaker's lips," I said, " are sealed, 1 order'd to Old Reekie, And Irishmen learned common sense,

They've shut up both the Houses ; Aud Stanley to New Zealand went And prudence brought them riches ;

Sir Robert's gone to Turnabout field, Ambassador to Heki. Repeal ceased pilfering for pence

Sir James to shoot the grouses.
The Queen and all the Court are out

In Germany and Flanders,
And, happy midst his native kraut,

My princely Albert wanders.
No more the dumpy Palace arch

The Royal Standard graces; What ministers to go to, Then gentlemen might earn their brea

Alone, upon his lonely march,' On which he generously took And think there was no shame in 'i

The jawning sentry paces."' The Cabinet in toto. And at my court might hold their head

Beneath an elm-tree, on a bank, . Like anyDuke or Dame in '*•

I mused, (for tired my hunch was,) 0 tnen ! al1 other reigns which shine A Duchess and her governess

And there'in slumber soft I sank, ' Upon our page domestic, The same quadrille I clapt in;

And this the dream of Punch was. Were mean and dim compared to mine, I asked old Wellington to mess,

That Regency majestic. And meet a half-pay Captain.
the dream. And ages hence the English realm

I dreamed it was a chair of o-old Shall tell the wondrous legend The Bar and Press I reconciled

The grassy bank I sac on * ' Of Punch, when at the nation's helm, (They thanked me one and all for 't\

I dreamed Saint Edward's sceptre old Her Majesty's High Regent. Benignantly the Thunderer smiled

I wielded for a baton. 0n Ma- Serjeant Talfourd * * *

Around my empire's wide frontier I know not where my fancy strayed,

No greedy bully swaggered. My dream grew wilder—bolder—

Nor swindling Yankee buccaneer, When suddenly a hand was laid

Nor savage Gallic braggart.
For threats and arms were flung aside,
And war-ships turned to traders,

Men crowded to my throne, the elm,

In reverend allegiance ;
And Punch was publish'd through the realm,

The jolliest of Regents.

Back came the ministerial rout
From touring and carousing;
Back came Sir Bob from Turnabout,
And back Sir James from grousing
I turn'd upon a scornful heel,
When Graham ask'd my favour

Full roughly on my shoulder.
It was the Guardian of the Park,—

And all our porta were opened wide, The sun was sunk in Heaven ;

To welcome the invaders. " Git up," says he, " it's after dark,

We shuts at half-past seven."
At home the cottier coursed his hare, And so I rose and shook myself,

Beside the Duke nis neighbour ; And, satiatus ludi,

I sternly banish'd Bobby Peel The weaver got his living fair Resigned the crown to Royal Guelph,

To Turnabout for ever. For his ten hours of labour. And went to tea to Judy.

A Comfort to Travellers.

We have just seen a new invention, called "The Railway Pocket Com-
panion." It is the size of a Court Guide, and contains a small bottle of
water, a tumbler, a complete set of surgical instruments, a packet of lint,
and directions for making a will. It is very elegant, being bound to look
like a book of poetry, and its utility cannot be doubted for a moment when
the bills of mortality are proving every day the great charms of railway
travelling. We can conscientiously declare that the " Railway Travelling
Companion " should be in the pocket of every gentleman who is in the
habit of going on a railroad. It should be sold at every station.

PKOGKESS OF SCIENCE.

Science is generally represented with a lighted torch in her hand. Thia
will account for some of the atrocities that have lately followed from
the so-called scientific expedition of the French into the interior of
Algiers.

Printed by William Bradbury, of No. 0, York Place, Stoke Newington, and Frederick MallMt Iraju,
of No. 7, Church Row, Stoke Newington, both In the County of Middlesex, Printers, at tbei*
Office in Lombard Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, In the City of London ; and published by
them, at No. os, Fleet Street, In the Parish of St. Bride's, in the City of London.—SA»tjaiiA«
August 23, IMS.