Punch (9.1845)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

191

A DOE IN THE CITY.

« Dear Mb. Punch,— " Holborn Hill, Settling-day, Oct. 30, 1 845.

*' As I was going down Stagg Alley yesterday, to sign the Great Didland deed, 1 saw
the prettiest little Brougham in the world pull up at Horn Street—and the sweetest little love
of a figure you ever saw, step out of the vehicle. Her appearance created quite a sensation
among the stagging gents , and caused even me to pause and look round.

"Greatly to my surprise, this lovely young lady tripped by me, walked iuto the Didland
Office, where up comes all the clerks crowding and grinning about her, and signed the deed
with the greatest coolness in the world ; I peeped over her shoulder, and saw her write—

Name in Full.

Place of
Residence.

Profession.

Place of
Business, if any.

No. of
Shares.

Sum.!

Kathkbine Lorimer.

Curzon St.,
Mayfair.

Spinster.

-

100

1

^2000|

" 0, Sir, how my heart beat as she put her sweet little finger on the wafer, and said, in
thrilling accents, < J deliver this as my act and deed I'

" I have not given her real name here, but if she took notice of a gent, in a green coat and
little blue satin stock, light auburn hair and whiskers, diamond pin and brown silk umbrella,
and is going to drive in the Park on Sunday next, she will see one at the Achilles statue whose
intentions are strictly honourable.

"If you would put this in your widely-extended journal (which I regularly subscribe to) I
should be

" Your most grateful Servant,

" Frederick. Haltamonx de Montmorency.

" P.S. As some parties like poetry, and I have a pretty knack that way, I have put our
rencounter into verse.

" Little Kitty Lorimer,

Fair, and young, and witty ;
What has brought your Ladyship
Rambling to the City ?

All the Stags in Capel Court,

Saw her lightly trip it ;
All the lads of Stock Exchange

Twigg'd her muff and tippet.

With a sweet perplexity,

And a mystery pretty,
Threading through Threadneedle Street,

Trots the little Kitty.

What was my astonishment—
What was my compunction,

When she reached the Offices
Of the Didland Junction !

Up the Didland stairs she went,

To the Didland door, Sir ;
Porters lost in wonderment,

Let her pass before, Sir.

' Madam,' says the old chief Clerk,

' Sure we can't admit ye.'
« Where's the Didland Junction deed ?'

Dauntlessly, says Kitty.

' If you doubt my honesty,

Look at my receipt, Sir ;'
Up then jumps the old chief Clerk,

Smiling as he meets her.

Kitty at the table sits

(Whither the old Clerk leads her) ,
• / deliver this,1 she says,

' As my act and deed, Sir.'

When I heard these funny words

Come from lips so pretty ;
This, J thought, should surely be

Subject for a ditty.

What ! are ladies stagging it i

Sure, the more's the pity ;
But I've lost my heart to her,—

Naughty little Kitty.'

" P.S. 2. If she reads this, I beg to add I am
twenty-five years of age, unencumbered ; have a
very good business in Holborn Hill ; and have-
myself done pretty well in the Railway Line."

PRIZES FOR PINCHING.

Agricultural Associations, in awarding prizes-
to deserving labourers, are no doubt actuated by a
most praiseworthy benevolence ; but we confess
that, to us, they appear to display a certain want of
system.

It is no doubt very proper to reward the labourer
for general good conduct ; that is to say, for pinching
back and stomach to the greatest possible degree,
and toiling from morning to night, all the year
round, to the utmost limits of human endurance.
But few, however, are capable of such very good
conduct as this, and we really think a more partial
merit worthy of some recompense. A prize might
be awarded to the ploughman or carter who has
fasted the greatest number of days for a term of
years ; who has eaten the least bacon, and drunk
the smallest quantity of beer, or kept himself and
family on the coarsest kind of food for a given
period. For instance, a small sum might be allotted
to the man who had lived the longest time on the
smallest number of bones, made into soup. Pre-
miums might likewise be given for goiug without
hats or stockings, or dispensing with the luxury of
linen ; also for sleeping on the bare floor, or being
content with straw instead of a bed.

Many of our labouring population are capable of
particular acts of self-denial, though unable to shave
in every particular with that closeness which Agri-
cultural Societies would prescribe. Every penny
that can be saved from poor's rates, or from wages,
is ultimately an addition to landlords' rents, and of
an importance commensurate with the general small-
ness of those pittances. Surely, therefore, that
labourer who, though he may not deprive himself
of every comfort, renounces as many as he can for
the benefit of the poor landlord, is a person who-
deserves to be encouraged. Let the smallest sacri-
fices of the peasant be thankfully received.

THE EXPERIMENTAL SQUADRON.

We regret to hear that the ships constituting
the Experimental Squadron have been in a very
bad way since the late severe trial to which they
have been subjected.

The Albion has been suffering from an internal
complaint, consisting of a derangement of the ballast,
which rendered drastic treatment necessary ; and
no less than thirty tons were taken from her. At
one time, her state was so frightfully plethoric, that
she was thought to be gradually sinking ; but she
has since rallied under the influence of strong sti-
mulants. The Queen has been suffering from a
pressure of the stays, and a straining of the arms,
but is now considerably better. The Vanguard
has been rather dropsical, and has had water on
the chest, but is now as well as can be expected.
The Canopus was thought to have had two of her
ribs broken, accompanied by a coldness in the legs
or shivering of the timbers ; but on inspection she
proved to he in a tolerably sound condition.