Punch (9.1845)

192

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE MEN WHO CARRY OTHER PEOPLE'S BILLS.

The political quacks have for the last year or two been driving a profit-
able trade by dealing in the nostrums of other people for their own
benefit. If Moses should encase himself between a number of adver-
tising boards, announcing the superior virtues of Sprats will's clothing,
he (Moses) would, in carrying another person's bills, be only doing what
has recently been done by the Ministers. Peel'is the political Moses,
and Lord John Russell is the Sprats will of Parliament, except that

while the latter cuts his coat according to his cloth on a very bad measure
of his own, the former cuts his coat out of the cloth, and according to the
measures of other people. He who can fancy Day and Martin parading
the streets with a hoarding around them, inscribed with invitations to
the public to " try Warren's Blacking," can form some idea of the
strangeness and singularity of the Ministers in carrying the bills of then-
political rivals.

MODERN HIEROGLYPHICS.

" I say Bill, 'ave you seen Wotdyecallum I "
" Wot, do you mean Wots'isname 1 "
"0 no, not 'im,—that 'ere tother."
" U, ah ! I seed 'im fast enuff."

Elastic Pavement.—We perceive that a Company has been advertised
for laying down elastic pavement. Elasticity of course means the capa-
bility of being pulled out ; but the pulling out will, we suspect, devolve
entirely on the shareholders.

& sbt&ool for JtfiagtsuatES.

Mr. Hardwick, of Marlborough Street, has been the first magis-
trate with sufficient justice and moral courage on his side to commit
" a gentleman " to the House of Correction, for a brutal assault on a
policeman and others,—very much, as it appeared, to the astonish-
ment of the aforesaid gentleman, whom we can now fancy seated on
the same ground with vulgar, penniless misdemeanor, manipulating
his oakum, hardly yet reconciled to the fact that the force of money
has, for once, failed him. We understand that Sir James Graham
intends to institute an evening-school for magistrates, that they
may be the better instructed. Mr. Hardwick will be appointed
schoolmaster. It is to be hoped that Twyford, Greenwood, and
other old boys we could name, will attend regularly, and profit by
the lessons of their master.

RAILWAY STATISTICS.

There is one department in which the Railway papers are sadly defi-
cient, namely, the announcement of Railway Births, Deaths, and
Marriages. The daily springing up of the new projects, with their con-
stant cutting off in the dangerous stage of infancy—a cutting off in which
the directors may some day participate—and the frequent union of one
railway with another—would afford ample materials for the department of
births, deaths, and marriages, in a i. ilway newspaper. It would be
curious to see how many had been safely delivered of a new scheme,
whether the parent was " doing well," which might be very possible, and
whether the offspring was tolerably healthy, with a large development
of the faculties for coming soon to a state of wholesome premium. The
deaths, with their various causes, consisting of inanition, rapid consump-
tion, or original weakness of the constitution, would also be an interesting
feature ; while unions actually formed, as well as marriages on the tapis,
between the various lines desirous of amalgamating their interests and
becoming one, would be of the greatest utility, as well as afford consi-
derable amusement. We may probably supply from time to time a list
of railway births, deaths, and marriages.