Punch (9.1845)

262

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Mrs. Gamp. "I tell you what it is, Mas. Arris, the Times is a hinfamous fabricator."

Mrs. Harris. "So it is, my dear ; and as for that nasty, hojus Punch, I'm dispoged to scratch is hi's
out a'most. What I ses, I ses ; and what I ses, I sticks to."

THE MINISTERIAL CRISIS.

It was very generally rumoured, and"
very readily believed, that on the resig-
nation of the Cabinet, Her Majesty
immediately sent for Punch, who was
honoured with a carte blanche to form
a Ministry. The great stumbling-blocfe,
however, was the Albert hat, to which
Punch declared his determination nof
to pledge himself.

In the course of the interview, the
Queen suggested the difficulty of find-
ing a Chancellor, which Punch imme-
diately got over, by proposing to put
the seal into a very extensive commis-
sion, which would gratify the ambition
of several juniors, who have made up
their minds to sit upon the woolsack.

Punch's particular friend, Mr. Brief-
less, is having a glass case made, m
which he proposes to keep the royal
conscience, should it be committed to
his care. It was proposed by Punch
to select the Minister for Foreign
Affairs from the members of the
Dramatic Authors' Society.

QUITE UNNECESSARY.

We see it announced that " the con-
sideration of the Railway Termini, in
the City, is postponed." We had
thought that the panic had settled that
question.

SOME ACCOUNT OF MRS HARRIS..

Considerable doubts prevailing as to whether there is any such person
as Mrs Harris, we deem it an act of justice to that lady to declare that
she is a veal individual, and not like the dragon, a fabulous creature,
although possessed of many attributes which legends ascribe to the
dragon. Mrs. Harris is an asred female, and is the mistress of a concern
called the Standard. Her habiliments, by no means either of the newest
or the cleanest, are chiefly remarkable for their latitude ; in which respect
they are similar to her tongue. Like her friend, Mrs. Gamp, the subject
of our memoir always carries about with her an umbrella, and is con-
stantly poking it in somebody's face. She wears pattens ; a precaution
which the nature of her walks renders very necessary ; but which are
constantly tripping her up : when she is apt „o pull them off and fling
them at the head of anybody who laughs s,t Iier, invariably, however,
missing her aim. Hence it will be surmised, wiib truth, that the temper,
of Mrs. Harris is hasty ; indeed, but for the resoect due to age, we
should be justified in designa'ing her a beldam.

Mrs. Harris, when irritated, is by no means eiioW in her language ;
using, in fact, the simple Saxon of Billingsgate. Otherwise addicted to
circumlocution, Mrs. Harris is concise in abuse.—The perceptions of Mrs.
Harris are limited. Hence she is very apt to make l&dicrous blunders.
Her pertinacity is intense ; wherefore, when she finds herself in the wrong
she persists in it, telling nobody to talk to her, for she knows better, and
won't hear a word. The old lady is very bigoted and intolerant, and eaten
up with a fanaticism, which she mistakes for piety. The loyalty of this
*' blessed woman" is of a piece with her devotion ; apparently a kind of
tipsy sentiment. In its paroxysms she becomes incoherent, &od raves of
nailing her flag to a mast, but has never been known to do more than tie
her pocket-handkerchief to her umbrella.

Tito Voice of ttte Nation.

Marshal Bcgeaud is evidently doing his best to get proclaimed King
of Algiers, for, by the slaughtering way he is going to work, there is not
the slightest doubt the Arabs will eventually elect him as if they were one
man.

Amusing Accident.

The Echo, in Jullien's Navy Quadrilles, was seized last week with a
dreadful cold. When it came to his turn to answer, the only response
the Echo made was a tremendous sneeze.

A NEW SENNACHERIB.

Sir Robert came down on the Corn-laws so bold,
And his backers felt sivage. and sorry, and sold ;
But the Premier of votes h-id a majority,
Amounting, in all, to about ninety-three.

As sheep follow the wether, submissive and mean,
That host at the heels of their leader were seen;
As sheep scatter wide when you leave them alone,
That host, says the Times, are now broke and o'erthrown.

For the Iron Duke set his fate on the cast,

And nailed, for the Corn-laws, his flag to the mast ;

And the Cabinet's hopes felt a sensible chill,

When they thought of the Duke, and his potent " I will."

And there sat the Premier, his head on one side ;
His arguments pooh-poohed, his statements denied ;
And tho' he tried hard, he had need of his nerve,
A decent composure of face to preserve.

And there sat grim Grahame, so nervous and pale,
With his hat on his head, and his mouth to his nail ;
And their measures were done for, their plans overthrown,
And Peel had to leave his own trumpet, unblown.

And Conservative gentry are loud in their wail,
That the country is ruined if Peel should turn tail ;
And repeal of the Corn-laws, we soon shall record,
Has been won, not by Peel, but a certain small lord.

A Real Blessing to landlords.

The Genuine Anti-Appetitive Curry Powder, strongly recommended
by the Duke of Norfolk, is the labourer's only true substitute for bread
and meat. It possesses the singular property of deluding the empty,
stomach into a sense of fulness, and is calculated to relieve those distressicg.-
symptoms of vacuity which result from living on seven shillings a week.
It may be warranted to supersede potatoes and bacon ; containing in fact,
in itself, the essence of gammon ; and one pinch dissolved in a tumbler
of hot water is equal to a pot of beer. Landed Proprietors not wishing to
reduce their rents, will find this preparation admirably calculated to.
reconcile labourers with their present rate of wages by enabling them
almost entirely to dispense with food.—Sold in pots, at from one shilling
Agricultural Societies supplied.

N.B. A liberal allowance on taking a quantity.