Punch (12.1847)

142

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

i

THE CHAMBER OF HORRORS.

We are informed by our contemporary, the Morning Post, that
" some people will go tinkering everybody's kettle," and that one of
such people is Mr. Fox Maule. The kettle which, according to the
Post, Mr. Maule has gone tinkering, is the British Army, for changing
the system of enlistment wherein, he has introduced a bill into Par-
liament. By this measure it is proposed to limit the period of enlist-
ment, in the case of the cavalry to twelve, in that of the infantry to ten
years ; at the expiration of which terms, the soldier shall have the
option of re-enlisting for similar periods. This proposal is described
by the Morning Post as an " outrageously absurd scheme:'—its outra-
geous absurdity, in our contemporary's opinion, consisting, we presume,
in the supposition, that, after ten or twelve years' experience of a soldier's
life, a man could possibly wish to remain in the army.

Does the Morning Post, then, mean to say that the British soldier's is
such a miserable existence that no one voluntarily would consent to
lead it ? Is net the soldier well paid, well lodged, well cared for ? Is
not the life which he hazards for his country rendered as comfortable
as possible while it lasts ? Can the description of it given by the re-
cruiting serjeant—under the sanction of officers and gentlemen—be a
statement of the thing which is not ? Then, what absurdity is there
so very outrageous in the idea that the enjoyment of this delightful life
might probably tempt men to continue in it ? :

If the soldier—to our national infamy—is a hopeless drudge, a
mechanic slave, ill-treated, ill-requited, the measure of Mr. Eox
Maule certainly would in itself be impolitic enough. In that case it
would be better to do away with the enlistment system altogether, and
sentence criminals to the army instead of to the hulks. But suppose—
of course only for the sake of argument—that such were the disgraceful
wdtticism. Surely this would | fact, Me. Maule's bill might easily be rendered quite feasible. This
afford a powerful subject for might be readily done by the simple expedient of making re-enlistment
a " magnificent addition " to ] worth the soldier's while.

Madame Tussaud's Chamber i In the meanwhile, let the Morning Post consider that the measure is
of Horrors. The miseries of official life are also wonderfully suggestive approved of by the Doke op Wellington, and condemned by Colonel
of figures for the same portion of the Baker Street Wax-work. What j Sibthorp. If it were really so very absurd, would not the fact be
a picture of highly wrought rather the reverse ?

wretchedness could be produced
by a figure of a Government
clerk, when, having read through
the newspaper, he finds his day's
"occupation gone," and delivering
himself up to the torments of
ennui, he becomes a prey to
horrors of the most desolating

While every other branch of Madame Tussaud's Exhibition is being
enriched by " magnificent additions," it is a startling fact that the
Chamber of Horrors has remained m statu quo for a considerable period.
It is true, we have not lately had any Eieschis, with their infernal
machines, or Hares and Burkes with their cold-blooded atrocities, to
furnish subjects for this department of the interesting collection of
Madame Tussaud ; we think, however, the enterprising and in-
genious proprietor might meet with a new set of horrors in the present
day, quite fit to take their place beside the darker horrors of an
earlier period.

There are other tortures besides those of which her chamber fur-
nishes so many wondrous
specimens. Where, for in-
stance, could a finer subject
be found for a Chamber of
Horrors than the illustrious
Punch in the excruciating
pgony of endeavouring to elu-
cidate a joke just received
from a Scotch humourist ?
Those only who know what
it is to endure the infliction
of a bit of alleged fun, reeking
hot from Auld Reekie, may
form some conception of the
tortures endured by Punch in
opening a letter, and finding
it to contain a Caledonian

THE SOLDIER AND HIS POST.

PUNCH'S LAW REPORTS.
Re the Statue.—Ex parts Punch.

This is another legal point arising out of the position of the Wel-
lington Statue. The question arose on an application made by Mr.
description ! How magnificent ^■~^fj.|^, |fM^_^ Briefless to Vice-Chancellor Knight Bruce, praying His Honour to

would be the effect of one liar- _^L^^JjBMBBpkv''' " ' grant an injunction to restrain the Beadle of Piccadilly from removing
rowing blank delineated faithfully ~^^^fflB|jB|HBP^^{! 1 the horse to the pound, which had been threatened to be done, unless
in the features of the melancholy ^^^^SmBB/B^^^ the Statue should be taken out of the Beadle's j urisdiction.
object, who might be supposed to =^^^^W^BH^|,:^^^B His Honour could not see how he was to entertain the application,

sigh m vain for one official note ^Smm jfpW i The Statue stood in this position :—The horse was in possession of the

to write, one official envelope to ^SgSm Bill mSW§ i arch as a tenant at will, not in tail, though the tail had not been cut
open ! If this is not a subject for V^^^^p |.S#fe1 . :z=^- [ off; but still the Duke, being on the horse, and remainiug after his term,
the Chamber of Horrors, where ' 3||fes1 fpjjjr! IpEEz, was legally in as the remainder-man.

shall we look for matter worthy
of filling that gloomy apartment ?

But to go higher in the scale of
official existence, we may find in
the career of the Premier himself sufficient subject for the Chamber we
Have been alluding to. Fancy the agony of poor Lord John Russell

at the moment of being
persecuted by a deputa-
tion, asking him for the
hundred - and - ninetieth
time the perplexing ques-
tion, What is to be done
with Ireland ? We are sure
that the active Madame
T. will take oUr hint, and
supply the omissions in
her Chamber of Horrors
as speedily as possible.

a site at last.

At length the Welling-
ton Statue will be placed
on a site that must satisfy
the grumblers. In the very
handsomest manner, a
I piece of ground has been
allotted to it in their own
| property, by the proprie-
| tors of the Thames Tunnel.

Mr. Briefless hoped His Honour would see that if the Beadle
made himself the casual ejector, and ejected the Statue at once as a
trespasser ab initio, another locus standi must be found for it.

His Honour.—" Why, really, Mr. Briefless, the difficulty is to find
a locus standi for the Statue at all. You are quite right in your law, as
you always are—that the tail is not yet cut off; but it has been laid
down, as you are of course aware, that there cannot be a use upon a
use. Now, here we have abuse upon abuse ; for both the Statue and
the arch, one of which is on the other, have come in for their share
of this commodity."

Mr. Briefless.—" Then perhaps your Honour would advise us to
go at once to the Court of Arches ?"

His Honour.— " Exactly so, and in the meantime let the Statue
stand over for further directions."

£L Caution to Tradesmen.

We cannot caution our readers too much against the number of false
Counts that are at present circulating about town. The places
where they are mostly passed are the Quadrant, Regent Street, and
Leicester Square. They are recognised directly by a very brassy look,
and a yellowish, dingy appearance, with the features very much sunk,
and they are very much cut and worn about the edges. It is evident
on the face of them that they are false. We warn all shopkeepers
against having anything to do with these Counts, for there is no 3ilver
in them, much less gold, though they frequently have a Mosaic appear-
ance. The place where they are mostly fabricated is Paris, but a
great number of English make are imported from Boulogne.