Punch: Punch (21.1851)

122

PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

PUNCH'S ANNIVERSAEIES—No. 5. TEA FIRST INTROBUCED INTO ENGLAND, SEPTEMBER 2nd, 1666.

A CASE OF INGRATITUDE.

A pebson, by the name of John Henry Newboy, was brought up
before Mb,. Alderman Moses, in Worship Street, charged by an old
lady with obstruction of her trade, and indecent and riotous behaviour.

The complainant, whose name is Mrs. Church, by trade a robe-
maker and haberdasher, is an old lady of great wealth and respectability,
and has a shop in Westminster, and another large shop in St. Paul's,
besides branch establishments in various parts of the country. John
Henry had been in her service, and much trusted by her; till about
four years ago he left her business, and joined an opposition establish-
ment, kept by one Mrs. Hills, who has brought over a great number of
foreign workmen, and has set up an establishment for the sale of the
Babylonian Shirt, the Scarlet Chemise, the patent Haircloth Dickey
(which Newboy himself wears), the new thrashing-machine (for English
use) at the sign of the Winking Doll, in St. Mary Axe, with a great
number of branch houses in the country.

Mrs. Chubch came in such tribulation to the magistrate, that her
statements regarding Newboy were often quite incoherent. She said
she had brought him up quite as a son of her own; had employed him
as a foreman in the robe-making business, and set him up at Oxford,
(where the celebrated Oxford choker had been of his invention;) that
thousands of her shirts and chokers had been sold amongst the young
gentlemen of the University, and were worn in many of the genteelest
pulpits in London, until a decree from the Ordinary against preaching
in shirts put an end to that practice—and reverend gentlemen now only
wore black robes.

The worthy Alderman asked whether Mrs. Chubch did not make,
these too ?

She said she did, and that she was robe-maker according to Act of
Parliament, and that her dresses were of the real original silk and cut,
and that none were genuine but hers;—on which Newboy cried out,
0 venite! questo e un poco troppo forte—m the midst of a guffaw from
his friends, who were all silenced by the Court.

"And," continued Mbs. Chubch, with much volubility—t£and if
something is not done, the robe-making trade of Britain is ruined-
there are millions say there is no use in wearing robes at all; there's
even Doctor Lambeth that dares to say that your common cheap
Geneva stuffs is as good as ours ; and that there ain't two doctors in the
whole College as won't say as much—and there's this horrid old Mother
Hills has come over with her traps, and brings in pink shirts, and blue

shirts, and yellow shirts, and shirts embroidered with flowers." And
finally Mrs. Church begged from the worthy magistrate for protection
and lor justice against Newboy.

Alderman Moses said he could not see as yet in what Newboy had
broken the law. There was a Pree Trade in these, as in any other vest-
ments.

One of the Newboy party here bellowed out in a strong Hibernian
accent—" Be dad, that's not thrue—there's a most intawlerable persecu-
tion against us by the beese, brutal, and bloody Whigs, and the sword of
the oppressor is at the troat of poor old suffering Oireland, which indig-
nantlee hurruled back the double-dyed malediction in the fiendish teet
of the toirant"—but the others begged Father Mulligan to be quiet.

"I do not see," continued the Alderman, "how I can help you,
Mrs. Church. If a gentleman has a fancy to a Roman Camiccia,
instead of an English Shirt, with lawn sleeves, or not, how can 1
prevent him ?"

" But," said Mrs. Church, " your worship can surely prevent him
calling me bad names, and making fun of me."
" What is this Newboy ?" asked the Magistrate.
The person addressed, a sly-looking man, with a look of great mischief,

said,

" My name is not Newboy."

" Stuff ! " said his worship ; " a thousand men in Court know you,
Sir. 1 've seen you, myself, in Oxford—John Henby Newboy."

"My name is Giovanni Enrico^ Nuovo Panciullo," said the
other, meekly, and persisted in speaking all the time in Italian. "I
went by a name before, but I had no name. I was called Bachelor ol
Divinity : but I was neither John Henry : nor was I a divine, nor was
I a bachelor : that is, I was a bachelor being a man, but not a bachelor,
being a divine, nor a divine being a bachelor: I could not form a part
of a whole which has no existence: and there being no whole, there is
no part. I could not be before I was born, or have a name before it
was given me. Having most undeniably had no name, I have a right
to assume that I was not. A gross material evidence, as of my person,
as of my bodily recollections, as of my having had a fever, and taken
physic, as of my bills paid and docketted, &c, might lead me to infer
that I formerly was; but an undeniable logical conclusion shows me
that I was not. A man has a name ; 1 had no name : therefore I was
not born. I have a name, therefore I am. Call me Giovanni
Enrico Nuovo Panciullo, Dottore."

" Where do you live, Dottore ? "