Punch: Punch (22.1852)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 33

THE APPROACHING SESSION.

ur readers are informed that
Punch has in preparation a Bill
for the prevention of Cruelty
to Quotations, which he means
to bring in at an early period.
The well-known tribe of quo-
tations from the Latin Gram-
mar and a few other sources
have now suffered so long and
so much, that advantage ought
to be taken of a new session
to come to some understanding
respecting their better treat-
ment. What can be more
necessary than to take some
steps about the following?

First of all, there is our very
old friend, Hinc ilia lachrymce.
Let honourable members make
up their minds at once to let
him alone. Nobody sheds tears
on public occasions; why must
we persist in this stupid and
mendacious old formula ?
Again, let us strongly sup-
press our ancient acquaintance, Timeo Danaos, and lay him up in
honourable retirement. You don't fear the Greeks—on the contrary,
you dun them with line-of-battle ships ; and honourable members oppo-
site are not Greeks, if you did.

Human nature can scarcely allude with patience to Rusticus expected.
The treatment of him is too bad ; it is shameful. You are called on by
every feeling of decency to refrain from meddling with him, for one
f ession at least.

Quis tulerit Gracchos, fyc, is infamously pulled about, also.
Remember that the use of it is a libel on the Gracchi, to begin with;
and that there are no Gracchi, either " opposite," or anywhere, within
hearing.

It is pleasant to reflect that Dulce et decorum has enjoyed a tolerable
immunity of late.

Parcere subjectis, fyc, has the highest claims on your kind consideration.
Don't drag him in, but act on the meaning of him, and spare your
audience.

No good man will wantonly offend Et tu, Brute, in his grey old age,
we feel sure.

As for Quicquid delirant reges, 8fc, we foresee that in the present re-
actionary state of Europe, he is in great danger. We throw ourselves
on your consideration.

Pallida Mors was once very much persecuted. As for Tempora mu-
tantur, we are afraid that all the precepts of religion, and all the consi-
derations of philosophy, are unable to protect him !

We hope that public indignation awaits the man who shall next dare
to bring Video meliora proboque on the tapis.

We have no objection to a moderate use of the services of that sturdy
old hack, Requiescat in pace, for he has a grave and hatchment-like
sound, which tends to inspire decorous feelings.

But, with regard to the above-mentioned old hacks, we implore
public compassion for them, and trust that our Bill will be heartily sup-
ported.

THE ADMIRALTY REVISITED.

By Mr. Pepys his Ghost.

Jan. 12, 1852.—To the Earth and so to the Admiralty, to see how
they do Things there, now that with Steam and Mechanics and
Chymistry, and the Parliament, and Government altogether so much
reformed, such great Improvements I hear have been made since my
Time ; but good Lack ! to see what a State their Affairs are in ; and
very little Alteration, if any, for the better in a single Matter : and in
many much worse, and altogether all at Sixes and Sevens in horrid
Confusion, mighty shameful. The Megcera, setting out with Troops
for the Cape War, but obliged to put back again, and it is thought that
if she had gone to Sea she had foundered and lost all Hands, besides
Stores and Ammunition, and Sir Charles Napier do say she could
neither carry her Engines or Armament, and the Vulcan as bad, and
also the Sidon, that after a thorough Refit at Portsmouth, and two
Years in Port, did break both her Condensers, and so down, on her
Voyage to Cork. In the Dock Yards continual pulling to Pieces and
putting together again, especially of Steamers, through the Builders
and Engine-Makers working apart, without ever so much as once con-
ferring one with the other, which do seem a great Polly, and incredible,
almost. But worst of all, the dreadful Conduct of the Victualling

Office, and to think of the Hubbub there had been in the House and
the Country when I had the Office about such a scandalous Business,
and thank Heaven we were chargeable with Nothing a thousandth
Part so bad! At Gosport Victualling Yard 6000 of the Canisters of
Preserved Meat for the Navy, in Store, discovered to be good-for-
nothing, and worse, being all putrid, more or less, and not only that,
but many, besides, filled with Parts of the Animal unfit for Pood, and
all Manner of Offal and Garbage too nasty to mention. The Discovery,
as I learn, made through the Stench of the Provisions, which was so
noisome it alarmed the whole Neighbourhood, and then at last the
Board did order a Search, and so the Murder, for it is little better,
out. But to think of such Villany and Roguery going on, as it did,
ever since 1848-9, and Complaints made from the very first in vain,
and that is how they do the Queen's Service ! And then to think of
Ships on foreign Stations, or Voyages of Discovery, carrying such Stuff
for Food, and in Extremity relying upon it perhaps, do make my
Heart sick. The condemned Provisions ordered to be cast into the
Sea, and taken out to Spithead, and so sunk, and the Sailors do say have
killed great Numbers of Eishes. To Gosport, and did see and smell
some of the Meats called " Goldner's Preserves," which may be
smelled a great way off, and do beheve that if I had been a Mortal the
Stench would have poisoned me. Back to the Fields, pleased with
myself to compare the Office in my Time with what it have come to
now : but sorry for the poor Sailors, and vexed at Heart to think how
Sir W. Batten and Pen will triumph and hug themselves because
their Successors are as indifferent and careless as themselves, though
indeed not such Rogues. I do expect W. Coventry will be mighty
grieved when he come to know what a Plight the Admiralty Business is
in, and especially of this abominable Job of the Preserved Meats. And
good Lack ! to think of France in a Fever of Disquiet, with more than
four hundred thousand Soldiers, their Fingers itching for Work, as they
presently must be, and a Desperado Adventurer at their Head, who
sticks at no Villany or Violence, and must, by and by, find them
Employment; whilst here are we with our Dock Yards higgledy-
piggledy, our Ships half unfit for Service, and our Seamen victualled
with Corruption and Carrion; and, while the Country is beset with
such terrible Dangers, this is the Way they serve the Navy !

A NEW METHOD OF GIVING A GENUINE CHINESE FLAVOUR
TO ENGLISH TEA

They Won't Mend their Ways.

Parliament Street is in such a disgraceful state, and is so full of
mud and filth, that it really ought to have its name changed to that of
St. Alban's Place ; for it presents the dirtiest possible approach to the
House of Commons.

Vol. 22.

2