Punch: Punch (22.1852)

36

PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE TAX-COLLECTOR OF 1852.

CALL A SPADE A SPADE.

JOHN BULL TO COLONEL
COLT.

Oh ! Colonel Colt,

A thunderbolt
I'd buy—for no small trifle;

But that can't be,

And so let me
Get your revolving rifle!

A desperate blade,

By whom are made
No sort of bones whatever

Of any crime,

At any time
The bonds of faith may sever •

Attack my shores,

Surround my doors,
Without a word of warning;

Upon me creep

Whilst I'm asleep
And snoring, some fine morning;

Bob my strong box,

And seize my flocks,
Herds, cocks, and hens, and pullets.

I want your gun,

Instead of one
That fires so many bullets.

To guard our wives,

By six rogues' lives,
Whereof we 're each, the holders,

If we take care

With skill to bear
Your rifle at our shoulders.

But, Colt, alas!

To what a pass—
To what a sad condition—

Have we been brought,

Who fondly thought
The World's Great Exhibition

Would bid war cease,
And endless peace

A thorough reform in the nomenclature of our "wooden walls" is loudly called for by many
persons, who are of opinion that the principal use of a name is to denote the quality of the thing it W;fh v, • ™„t,uniirs, *p»(\ „„
signifies, and that the present titles of the ships forming the British navy are for the most part rather -^^StaHbooa^
imposing than appropriate. Accordingly, it is proposed to give our vessels of war appellations of ai Ta fn„ni_ i.„w mnn-

more characteristic nature, such as "The Blunderer," " The Bungler," "The Sea-Cow," "The Dodo," y „"I™™ defend us '
" The Apteryx," " The Beetle," " The Slug," " The Dumbledore," &c. Such titles will at least serve lour weap0n to detend US '
to indicate the peculiarities for which our fleet, under the superintendence of its present controllers,
nas become remarkable, and will in some slight degree redound, if not to the national glory, to the credit
which is justly due to the Admiralty for the existing state of naval architecture.

It may however, be argued, with some show of reason, that a thorough improvement in the construction
of Her Majesty's ships would be preferable to any change, however suitable, in their denominations,
and would, in fact, go very far to render any such alteration unnecessary.

Loth, loth indeed,
I'd "draw the bead"
On mortal upper story;
But just alarm
Drives me to arm
Against the fool of " Glory."

WISE MEASURES IN THE CITY OE LONDON !!

S a rule,everybody ought to
exhibit to other people the
same liberality that he would
expect his tailor to extend to
himself: that is to say, to
give them proper credit.
Acting, as we always do, on
this golden maxim, it is with
great pleasure that we call
attention to an uncommonly
acute proceeding of certain
Aldermen at Guildhall, w
Tuesday, last week, in ad-
judicating on a question of
law. The point under con-
sideration was, the legality
of the omnibus cross seats ;
and, in order to ascertain
«iiftif.;»rfi,„ j ' whether those seats were

c°™dious, the worshipful magistrates adopted the sensible
step thus briefly described in the newspaper :-

themselv?se"0rder and tbe Alde™en took seats in the omnibus, to try the effect on

we^cauaXd w£uihe>titud.e of the Aldermen referred to; nor are
we acquainted with the dimensions of the Recorder: and possibly each

of those gentlemen may be fully capable of riding "bodkin" in a
Hansom cab without inconveniencing his companions. But we do say,
as a general principle, that the very best test of the width of an
omnibus seat, or any other, and indeed of the sufficiency of any given
space to accommodate any given (human) body, is afforded by the person
of a London Alderman. We hope that, in future, in administering
justice, the civic magistracy will always approach as nearly as they did
in the foregoing case to the sagacity of the procedure resorted to on
a memorable occasion by the Hebrew Monarch who was the wisest or
mankind. __

A Hair-Drawn Constitution.

The French Constitution reminds us of a certain French Monk, who
was wont, among other relics, to show a single hair of the Virgin
Mary. " Behold," said the Monk to the folks about him, at the same
time drawing apart his hands—" behold, ar*i worship." " Worship !
cried a peasant, " why, I can't see the hair." " Can't see it! " ex-
claimed the Monk, " why, you presumptuous rascal, what would you
have ? For twenty years I have shown the hair, and never yet seen it
myself." Louis Napoleon shows his hair-drawn Constitution after
the like fashion : can he see it himself ?

a question for the schoolmen.

What requires more philosophy than taking things as they come ?—
Parting with things as they go.