Punch: Punch (22.1852)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI 93

THE AMBITIOUS PHAETON ATTEMPTS TO DRIVE HIS UNCLE'S CAR, AND SETS FRANCE ON FIRE.

HUSTINGS AND HEARTSTRINGS.

Me. Punch observes that, at the Greenwich election, the other day,
Admiral Houstoun Stewart made a novel claim upon the electors.
He stated that the day of his election was his wedding-day, and urged
that he should be particularly obliged to the voters to send him to
Parliament on that interesting anniversary. Nor was the appeal in
vain ; backed by a few other gentle influences, not unknown to
Government candidates. The Admiral was returned by a triumphant
majority. He has jumped through his lady's wedding-ring on to the
floor of the House of Commons.

So successful an example is sure to have its copyists; and, among
the paragraphs which will appear immediately after the impending
dissolution, are the following :

Lord Evelyn St. Gules intends to solicit the suffrages of the
electors of Guzz'eby, on the ground that the day of nomination will be
his birthday. Aristocracy will not be permitted to ride rampant in the
borough ; Gideon Pounder, Esq., the well-known attorney, designing
to oppose his lordship, and has every hope of success, the day of poll
being the seventeenth anniversary of that on which Mr. Pounder
defeated a motion to strike him off the rolls.

Sir D'Arcy Snoggins will walk over the course for Killgarlick. No
opponent can be found heartless enough to contest the seat with a
gentleman whose wife, last year, presented him with twins on the
corresponding Tuesday to that appointed for the election.

The Hon. Barnacle Mole is expected to be run hard for the
Boozy Burghs. It is true that his eldest little boy was breeched on
the 17th of June in last year, and on such an anniversary the Hon.
Candidate can hardly appeal to fathers in vain. But " good reasons,"
Shakspeare tells us, " must perforce give way to better," and his
antagonist, Mr. Squash (of Salt Eels), is prepared to show that on
the very day three years from that of the election, Miss Posa Squash was
declared convalescent after the hooping-cough, and Master Charley
"Quash (as can be proved by two witnesses) cut a new front tooth,
lhe contest will therefore be severe.

The Government Candidate for West Bunkum states in his address,
that, in addition to his other claims to the suffrages of the electors, the
day on which Parliament will re-assemble is the anniversary of that day
on which he declared his first love, and offered his then nascent fortunes

to Miss Emily Tenterhook. This, and five pounds a-kead to the
dockyard men, will go a good way towards placing the late Miss
Tenterhook's suitor at the top of the poll.

Alderman Blink tells his ward of Little St. Cheeseparings, and
the other electors of his district, that " he and his old woman " (we
quote the worthy Alderman's playfully familiar language) have always
" had a slice of luck some time this quarter, every year since they
married," and he hopes the voters "will not break the charm, but make
the old girl and himself happy," by sending him to Parliament.

Sir Peter Snout is a new candidate for Whortleborough. and says
that he phould not have come forward but for the singular coincidence
that, this time last year but two, all his family had the measles, and
now there's avacancy. Under these circumstances, he expresses a con-
fident hope that he shall be returned; and adds, that though his family
had the measles, his poli'ics have nothing of a rash character.

In fact, the advice of the lale Sir Kobert Peel must be re-con-
sidered. It is still to the "Register" that candidates must attend,
but it must be the Parish Register. John Bull has much of the
camel nature; and now those eminent naturalists, his masters, have
determined to cram him with dates.

REJECTED PANTOMIMIC TRICKS.

A retired Clown has sent us the following Pantomime Tricks
which were refused to be licensed by the Lord Chamberlain :

A Government Dockyard being changed into a Shop for Marine
Stores—over which is written, "Best Price given for Old Iron."

The City Mansion House being changed into a large Collier, with the
Lord Mayor officiating as a Coal Whipper, whipping the Coals in a
circuit of forty miles round London

The Vatican turning into a Caserne of French Soldiers—singing,
drinking, playing, fighting—and the Pope blessing them.

The English Houses of Parliament turned into Houses of Correction
for the British Press—a long procession of all the English Editors
(with "one base exception"), who, after being publicly whipped by the
Speaker (acting as Head Governor), are locked up, and put upon bread
and water, until they learn to speak properly of that much-abustd young
man, Louis Napoleon.