Punch / Almanack (1844)

GOG AND MAGOG, AFTER THE LORD MAYOR'S DINNER.

London' "°r °* montb, 1605, Guy Fawkes, w no is well known as one of the
tbi; n , stuffed with straw," attempted to make Lucifer a match for
end hppii 'ommons, and to dissolve Parliament by xunpo\vdf»r. Had that
obtained it could not have made more noise in the world than it

has done. Lord MoritraKle, the Sprint? K'ce
of 1005, fortunately smelt the thins? out,
and was very handsomely rewarded for his

MONTHLY

Ifty,*a*(frming Directions.
Usp „ , y has Sot into your sheep,

tCivnd saive them °ut

tot0t 'iS 8tronSiy recommended
Hs Ploughed into corn-fields

'hink nifre' b"tthe RoyalSociety
Wheat Pro^uces smut in the

scm!'^ aPParent'7 dirty task of
courmg all your land-drains and
iea Must be undertaken this

month.

dry food for your horses.

great deal

fch «stv'c:ou,„ ne dry f,)0d f"y.

f»it'^October" WUUtaad

ar/„Tanrt blackbirds liungup

' are not to be considered bird

REMARKS.

Passengers? Duties, conveyed /or Hire
upon Railways.

Not to smoke in the carriages;
to take care of their tickets and
present them unfolded when
asked for ; not to give anything
to the porters ; and to write con-
stant letters of complaint to the
Times.

The chief thing to be borne in mind
this month, is that the Eclipse
of the sun on the 10th is invi-
sible ; so that there is not
any occasion to look after it.
A s nail part of the Great
Southern Ocean only will

probable anybody will take
the trouble of going.

discovery. Formerly it was usual, on the opening of Parliament, tor
the members to go down in a bod}' to the Coalhole under the House,
but the practice was discontinued, as so many members staid away
under the apprehension of being taken for Guys.

MONTHLY REMARKS.

Hints to Country Cousins.

If you wish to pass a day in town get into an omnibus
at Stoane-street, and by the time you reach the Bank,
you will be surprised to find, that you have accomplished '
the object you had in view.

Nathan contri- »v—.

*!?«syF

tss^-

ZOOLOGICA.L. . ni, and the Came-

us now snuffs the m h.i,;rrUpsin his cage,
—"•uisover the distant hills. The " quack-quacks.

^Ck fills the midday atmosphere with cheerful quae
Ancient Weather Lines on
Please to remember, ye monthe ot No -
Was never yette knowne to he hotte ;

^he fogge is in season, no leaves have J '

Miscellaneous.

The hop-duty is collected this month,
butes largely to the revenue.

The leviathan bulk of London is enveloped in one huge
fog. Cab comes into collision with cab, nose with nose,
or, harder fate, with lamp post. The passenger has taken
the wrong turning, and, bewildered, is unable to find his
way. How like is he to the philosopher after the tenth go !

The cost of a divorce in England ranges from
1,000/. to 1,500/. A marriage often costs the parties a considerably
greater sum.

The Bank of Upper Canada corresponds with Messrs. Glyn.
But the Bank of Pennsylvania corresponds with no bank in England
—we hope.

ODDS AND ENDS.

Household.

A tenant who owes one quarter, and knows if he stays another
must pay double before he can be quits, generally quits first.

ri

4

5

6

4

8
I)

lo
U

b
13

u

15

usua?nr^7 Canal opened at a cost op 900,000/., 1822. The Scotch, with their
p leace> patting a number of locks ou the water.

Grsint .'«??.VED op THr' Safety op Lieutenant Parry's Expedition, 1820. Mr.
/„... • .Publishes o«.' a*./.».«»» ♦us- v

Parry's and his People,'

Tu
W
ITh

If
is

w

P

vl. klil, oAfBTY OK iilKUTENANT f A

r"""' Publishes an Account of this Expedition as
bound m

22 Sbimtiap after tErinttg.

Ga,if.rnani says The Quantity op Women's Hair wiucn comes Ansj;ai.i.y
t'NDKK Till! Scissors von Sai.u in tiik South ok France is 21h).000 lbs, 184- An
ingenious mode of some of the Ladies getting Beef with their carrots.

18»l. Jenkins attends an evening party in Ilanover-square, and discovers on the hall-
c hairs a crown, and the cypher K—Jenkins snatches the tea-spoon trom his bosom,
and overpowered by his feelings, sinks to the—door-mat.

William IIone, 1843. Death, like a true Conservative,
doing what he liked with his IIone.

a Hy>»i«).()xyoen Microscope (magnifying upwards op 30,000,000 times) ex-
""kore ZCn at'Windsor, 1843. Sibthorpe says at sueh a rale
Tl" l"':rea«, a Guinea put in the focus would just pay oil the Nal.onal Debt.

,? '' I-1' a IN 11A N It III) TTC Y BEING SO SMAI.L THAT ATTORNEYS AVOID STRIKING
Doc K KTS TIIK ('luvnriinli INCREASES THE Al.I.OWANCK, 184.1. Thinking *hat

Attorneys'took hut little from Bankrupts' Estates, he offers them a" liberal allowance,

A* Poisoned dy .103 Hogsheads ok Wine,

loured into tub River Seine, 1843. The Fishes being all in-Seine when they
Urank it.

Sbunimg after {Erimtp.

a lv^n "" on, was discovered in kentucky, whilst doring for water,

The same Phenomenon has often occurred in n hales.

N<'T Assets sufficient to Pay One Shilling in the Pound of the Duke ok

t. Uk s Debts, 1827 The Creditors, having Administered to the Dukes will, find

themselves cur. off with a Shilling.

C»yss Match between England and France, 1843. We give the most important
woie between the two Countries. The English Queen crosses over to the French
ln» a Castle, and loses two (K) nights by it.

an,Ordek issued it y tub Super int end ant op the L Division, that all the
lSi?t8?OUL» appear with their Whiskers Shaved clean off to the Ear,
k *2, being the easiest way of making the Force " right about, face.

* nl*uTh.e Managing Director having returned, is seen by Jenkins, who, in hilarious
brovJUOn' uaria^es discovery, and says, that Snore can place a coronet upon his

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

The Gazette de Honfleur says, "The Ttlemaque is completely raised prom hkr
Bed/' 1842. On the Bed being subsequently explored, the Dividend declared was a
wet Blanket to each Shareholder.

24 £bunt(ar> after ®rmi'tg.

M

Tu

W

Th

F

S |

&!
M

Tu

W

Th

F

S

The Statues of Venus and the Boy held by Hercules, in the Gardens op
Versailles, are Mutilated, 1843. The Vandal, Ignorant of the value of Figure.%
indulges in Vulgar Fractions.

1831. Jenkins, and the Managing Director, visit Snore, who has the hiccups so strong
upon him, that he is incapable of continuous narrative. Mrs. Snore, on the promise
of 10/. from the Managing Director, thinks she can have him sober by the 25th.

The Examiner says, "Mr. Wombwell has reared within the last 12 years
upwards of 130 Lions," 18-12—and accommodated several Members of Parliament
with their Skins.

Several Hosiers complain at Guildhall op the Number op Chancery Bills
that have been filed against them by the Solicitor of the Caoutchouc
Company, 1842. The India-Rubber Attornej^, likely tc go to any lengths upon a
stretchy is pulled up to Guildhall.

Faculty of Medicine Suppressed at Paris, 1822. Bills of Health drawn at a long
date, " making (Life) Assurance doubly sure."

Parliament Prorogued without a Speech prom George the Fourth, 1320*
The " Great Cigar" having resolved for once to consume his own smoke.

25 gjuntiag after TOmtp.

"Domestic Libraries" established at the Royal Palaces, 1843. ller
Maiesty being desirous, that her Pages should be, not only " bound in scarlet cloth,
with gilt edges," but—lettered.

The Bllb of a Tulip sold for 640/., 1842. Gardener loquitur:
" Go it, my tulip."

A Cabbage Gathered in ths Garden of John Lee, weighing 42 lbs., 1843. The
cabbages of Lord William Lennox have since been found much heavier.

Warwick Mail robbed of Bank Notes to the Amount of 20,000/., 133". Ti*a
rogues took in the " Evening Mail," j.nd kept the paper.

Twelve Inspectors and Twelve Privates of the Police Force sw.nt oct to
HongKong from one of the Principal Metropolitan Divisions, 1843—being
exactly " the young men for a small T party."

1831. Grisclda—her father—and Jenkins, go to Snore, who deposes to finding Jenkins.
Jenkins produces the spoon, which Snore recognises as the one he lost from the
eighth glass he had on New Year's night,from Knoggjn ok the Cu'jwn Tavern.