Punch / Almanack (1874)

PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOE 1874

[December 18, 18:

THE COMING RACE.

While Mesdames Wilkins and Perkins are discussing grave School-Board matters and Parliamentary business, their respective Husbands are engaged on a topic more genial to their softer

natures and weaker intellects.

“ Isn’t she a Darling Pet, Fred ! And just FANCY—two FRONT TEETH, AND ONLY FOUR MONTHS LAST TUESDAY WEEK! ”

“ Well, 1 neverii Why, my darling ickle TottY hasn’t cut a single Tooth, and he’,s Six Months to-morrow ! How do you Feed her, Tom?”

Not in the Dictionaries.—Language is always suscep-
tible of improvement. Thus a coterie of Ladies might
with perfect propriety be termed a petticoterie.

When is a Lunatic like a pretty flower ?

When he is a little dazey.

SHABBY EVASION.

Thou hast no birthday, Dear, to call
For any gift this year thereon,

As thy nativity doth fall

On Sunday—which is dies non.

Rus in Urbe. — In October, November, and even Decem-
ber ana January, violets which peep out of little beds of
moss, with wicker frames, may be seen blooming all about
the banks of Lombard Street.

What Princes Smoke.—Regalias.

NEW EDITION OF WALKER.

The Baker rolls.

The Butcher shambles
! The Banker balances himself

well

The Cook has a minchg gait,
i The Livery-stable Keeper has

I a ‘' musing gait. ”

The Excursionist trips along.

The Fishmonger flounders on.

The Poulterer waddles like a
duck

The Gardener does not allow
th grass to grow under his feet.

The Grocer treads gingerly.

The Indiarubber Manufacturer
: has an elastic srep.

■ I The Rogue sh iffles, and

The Doctor's pace is killing.

The Golden Hair Reviver.—
It is a well-known fact that sud-
den grief will have the effect of
whitening the hair. There was
o ice a poor author whose hair
anxiety had turned prematurely
grey. Now for a fact not gene-
rally known. News came that
an Aunt, whom he had never
seen, had died and left him a
fortune. His hair immediately
' turned brown again. N.B. The
! Plain Truth.

Wedding Presents. — Some
girls like silk dresses, others
prefer jewellery. Teat sensible
little creatu-e Minnie Wissitt,
who is marrying on four hundred
and fifty, told Unc e Andrew
that a few tons of Silkstones
would be the most acceptable
thing he could give her.

The Patron Saint of C r binet-
Makers.— St. Andrew by the
1 Wardrobe.

[ The Cat’s Paradise.—Lapland.

“ WHO GOES THERE P ”

Young Sentry (on the Gold Coast). “ Hult.o ! Shall I Shoot first, and Challenge afterwards? Stop
a bit, though; p'rhaps it’s one of our Fantee Allies!” _

FAMOUS SAYINGS.

“Bride-cake or Westminster
Abbey ! ”

“ See, my Son, how easily the
world is humbugged. ”

“ Above all, no veal.”

“After me, the Income-tax.”
“ Save me from my duns ”
“Rome was not built in
twenty-four hours.”

“ Property has its taxes as
well as its rates.”

The Bitter Drop.—One who
had the reputation of being' a
great philosopher, an experi-
enced man of the world, a pro-
found thinker, and an acute
observer with a deep insight into
human nature, has left on record
the expression of his firm con-
viction, that no man, however
rich, however gifted, however
fortunate in Iris domes'ie rela-
tions, however successful in his
public undertakings, can be pro-
nounced happy—whose trousers
bag at the knees.

Professional Enthusiasm.—
A gentleman of the loner robe
was so proud of it that, having
been, just after he had been
called to the bar, invited to a pic-
nic, he went there in his wig and
gown. But why not ? The ladies
present wore not only their
gowns hut also their chignons.

Christmas Genialities.—Re-
spectable Solicitor, deck your
office with the evergreens of the
season. Registrar, be especially
careful to hang up a great hunch
of mistletoe:

Gardening Amusement for
Colwell- Hatciiney. — Spinning
Turnip Tops.