Punch: Punch (6.1844)

% PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

PUNCH A CONSPIRATOR.'

to sir robert peel.
SiE,—Sergeant Murphy having, on Friday last, in the House of Com-
mons suggested that " the Attorney-General should prosecute Punch as
a conspirator," because Mr. Cobden, in the spirit of Mr. O'Connell quoted
a portion of my writings,—I hereby beg leave to state, in order to save
the Government any needless trouble, that I will wait to be duly served
with notice of action, from one till two on Monday next, at my office,
194, Strand. After that hour, my boy Dick must be inquired of as to
my whereabout.

Now, Sir Robert, quite in the spirit of old acquaintanceship, I wish to
have some amicable talk with you. In the first place, as to the jury-list.
I must have no " accident" occur in the striking of the names ; I can't
consent to have a string of honest garret-holders shuffled away—lost—a
cigar lighted with the paper—or, Heaven knows what ! No, Sir Robert,
that juggle won't do twice.

Secondly, I have a vehement objection to any prosecution by your
Attorney-General; for it can be proved that Sir Frederick Pollock', when
counsel in a certain criminal case at York, did aver that no man who had
a faith in Punch, " was to be believed upon his oath !" What fairness
am I to expect at the hands of such a prosecutor ? In the next place,
Sir Frederick, although up to the present time he has disguised his real
character, is at heart a most intemperate, pugnacious man. What
guarantee, then, have I that he will not pistol my counsel even in his
exordium ? My counsel has no wish to show his brains, by having them j
blown about the court. Certainly, if I chose to avail myself of his
service, I have still an advocate " hose brains are by this time proof
against any accident. I mean Lord Brougham ; who in the most cordial
manner has offered to conduct my defence. His cordiality, however,
determined me to reject the offer. I had seen the boa-constrictor fed at
the Zoological Gardens, and I well remember how he slavered the victim
lamb before he bolted it. Having refused his Lordship, I of course shall
have him against me as a Government witness.

I also protest against any tampering with the London press. I will Am.—" What is life but a slide.''

have no chaffering to buy a cheap pennyworth of The Morning Herald,— „- . ,., , , . f, , ,

no summoning ot its servants on their own "spiced reports of Punch for aji_.i-.lu i ± r ■ >

,, ., T , ° , . „ -XT a. -d v _j. j ,ii x- • , ,j And what is the world but a large sheet of ice c

" the London market. INo, bir Robert ; don t turn uistice into a beldam, .., , ., • .,

, , , , ,, ... J „. . ,, ' W here coldness with heartless lndmerence waits,

going about to debauch the little remaining honesty of her neighbours. rrn t _cu j. j. j. * * • •

* j o• t, i i -li 4. • n x. Ait ihe true ones that trust to trip up in a trice.

And now, bir Robert, where will you get your jury ? lour Attorney- 1 r

General says, he "will have no man with a faith in Punch."1 No: And what are philosophy's radiant lights
"such a man is not to be believed upon his oath." Where, then—I re- But snow on the surface, which chokes up the way ?

peat the question—will you get your jury \ I see them at once, and will That fancy would choose for her upwardly flights,
anticipate your list :

" NOW, LOBSTEIt ! KEEP THE POT A-8ILING.

SONGS OF THE BRUMAL QUARTER

Sheriff Moon (foreman). j Jenkins (A[orr.ing Post).

Lord Wk. Lennox.
Mr. Grant (of the Great Metro-
polis).
Charles Kean.
Baron Nathan.
Alderman Gibbs.

W. Harrison Ainsworth.
D. W. Osbaldiston (Victoria

Theatre).
Sir Peter Laurie.
Colonel Sibthorp.
Moses (the tailor).

When freshsomely winging—like Zephyr-borne spray?

Ah ! what is the world but a lake frozen o'er,

Where all the best springs of the feelings congeal

And e'en if it thaws, it but chills us the more,
For then 'tis the damp in the sole that we feel.

No, no, I had rather, the victim of fate,

Away from the world in obscurity glide,
With a conscience all tranquil to act as my skate,
And now, sir, can any man doubt the verdict of such a jury ? Punch While calm retrospection should serve for my slide,

can't.

Well, Sir Robert, you may imprison me ; but I ask you this—Can you
destroy my influence ? Can you shut up my shop? Can you close 194,
Strand l No, sir ; when I think of the impotence of your malice, my
heart beats—for you quicken my circulation.

I may be wearing out my eyebrows against my prison bars—but what
of that ? Is not boy Dick still at 194 % Will not Punch still be fed by
the vital threepence ? Though you may give me state lodgings, will
not admiring millions still pay my rent ?

And now, Sir Robert, to conclude. That you will find means to con-

LORD CARDIGAN AND LORD WILLIAM PAGET.

Lord William Paget has addressed a letter to Lord Cardigan, in which
the former declares either himself or the latter to be unworthy to hold
her Majesty's commission. We should be sorry to reject the evidence o'.
his Lordship on this point ; and, whether it is to be viewed as a confession
as to one of the noble lords, or a piece of testimony as to the other, we
are quite disposed to allow due weight to it. Lord William Paget's high
ct me, I have no doubt. That you will have the courage to call me up \ appreciation of the morality of the middle classes, must be exceedingly

for judgment, is problematical. If, however, you should determine to
lock me up all the balmy summer and the golden autumn, you will, I
trust, consider what is due to yourself and Punch, and not send me either
to Newgate, Horsenionger-lane or the Bench. No, Sir Robert, I can

gratifying to the simple-minded individuals who are the subject of his
judicious eulogy. The delight his Lordship expresses at the notion, that
he has the sympathy of " every honest man, and every virtuous woman,"
is exceedingly touching. We know that human sympathies are very

think of nothing less than the Tower. " Ay," as Richard says, "the large; but their comprehensiveness must be extreme, and their elasticity

' utterly caoutehoucian, if they stretch so far as Lord William Paget fancies
they do.

Tower." Your obedient servant,

Punch.

P.S. As a gentleman, I must stipulate for Burgundy and wax-lights.

Real Philanthropy,

The Lawyer, whose name was struck off the rolls the other day, to
enable him to follow " Philanthropical pursuits," has already commenced
in earnest his new career of charity. His first act, we understand, was
a week's subscription to the Morning Post. Such genuine benevolence
cceds no comment. The complete sacrifice of self ennobles the action.

;c The So.xg of the Shirt," written by Thomas Hood,
and set to Music by J. H. Tully, will be published in the
course of a few days. Price Half-a-crown.

Primed by William Bradbury, of No. S, York Place, Stoke Newington, and Frederick Mullett Evans,
ot" No. 7, Church Kovv, Stoke Neivinffton, both in the County of Middlesex, Printers, at their
Office in Lombard Street, in the Precinct nf Whitefriars, in the City of London, and published hr
Joseph Smith, of No. 53, St. John's Wood Terrace, Regent's Park, in the Parish of Marylebone, in
the County of Middlesex, at the Office, No 19-1, Strand, In the Parish of St. Clement Danes, in the
County of Middlesex.—Satuhsas, FHnauAst 24, lftU-